Post # 1
When I was 19 I was engaged and at the very end of that relationship, I found out I was pregnant. The father was not thrilled and wanted me to get an abortion. I started to go through with it, but didn’t. When I was at that appt they did a sonogram and found I was too far along to do a medicinal abortion and I refused to do a surgical one. He and I talked and decided to keep the baby. I was 8wks 4days. I ended up miscarrying naturally at 12 wks 3days. I do not regret that situation and I do honestly believe that God knew that he and I were not ready to have a child and that the father was a Grade A douche.
7 years later I am with the love of my life. We are married and ready to TTC. Now that this (TTC) has become a real thing (not just something in the not so distant future,) I am constantly plagued with thoughts and fears about miscarrying again. I’m not pregnant yet and think “What if I can’t get pregnant and that was just a fluke? Or “What if I can’t carry a baby to term?” I mean my miscarriage happened when I was supposed to be in the clear zone. How do I make these fears and thoughts stop? I don’t want to stress myself so much that I cannot conceive and I also don’t want to stress so much and lose another baby because of it….
For the Bees who have been through miscarriages, how do you deal and stay sane?
Post # 3
@MrsDiddles: A lot of doctors will tell you the first 13-14 weeks is when most miscarriages happen.
I’ve had two miscarriages. I deal by recognizing that crummy things happen sometimes and that miscarriages are really common. People don’t like to discuss them, but I think close to a quarter of pregnancies end up in miscarriage. I don’t have the statistic handy. I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my third child, so obviously people have more than one miscarriage and still have children.
I don’t think you can make the fears stop. You just sort of take it week by week and hope for the best while preparing for the worst. For me, it’s like that the entire 40 weeks. I don’t like to get excited until the baby is here and healthy, it’s hard for me to assume things are okay, but that’s just my nature.
Having one miscarriage doesn’t mean you won’t be able to carry to term. It doesn’t mean anything definitively. Don’t let it scare you out of trying to have a baby. There can be a lot of issues in pregnancy and with trying to conceive, but regardless, the outcome is always worth it.
Post # 4
You can’t stress the things you can’t control, and stress only makes every situation worse, not better. The only way to know is to try. We had a MC last year, and it does weigh on me. It will not defer us from trying again though, because MC do happen and it doesn’t mean that it will happen every single time.
My sister has had 3 :- We are thinking she may not be capable of carrying a baby to term and she hasn’t decided whether or not to keep trying. However, one does not doom you to a life of childless existence. I would just focus on what you can control – staying healthy, taking prenatal vitamins, and doing everything in your power to have a healthy baby (with a healthy and happy mom).
Post # 5
I’ve never been pregnant but my sister has 1 child and miscarried early on with her 2nd and is now pregnant again. She is a worrier by nature so of course she worries, even though she’s well into her 2nd trimester and is low risk now. What helps her to relax is reminding herself that some things (like miscarriage) are beyond her control. It really doesn’t do any good to worry about things you can’t control. You take care of yourself the best you can since you can control that and just have to hope for the best with the rest.
For what it’s worth, many women I know have miscarried (usually on their second) and went on to have healthy, full-term pregnancies after that.
I know it doesn’t make the situation any less scary or stressful, but miscarriages do happen for a reason – because something was wrong with the fetus that wouldn’t allow for proper and healthy development.
Good luck in your TTC journey and I hope you can manage your stress and fear and enjoy the process.
Post # 6
@MrsDiddles: I haven’t miscarried, but I was pregnant once, and had an abortion. It haunts me in a way that nothing else ever could, and while different than a miscarriage, it feels similar.
I think every woman who is pregnant fears she’ll have a miscarriage, and the best thing to do is take care of your body as much as possible. If it happens, take it in stride. Give yourself time to heal (emotionally and physically) and count your blessings. Good luck!
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel
I just had a m/c a month ago, and I think that day had to have been the most sad terrible day of my life. We were actually thrilled to have this baby and were already dreaming about it, I was 11 weeks on the same day I had my m/c.
We have decided to keep TTC and now I find myself with those same worries u got! I’m terrified to be pregnant again and go throught another m/c. However I’ve read a lot about the subject and a lot of woman have had healthy pregnancys and babys after having m/c. My mother inlaw had one before she had her three sons! reading and hearing about this stories really calms me down and restores my hopes for a new full term pregnancy. Also a lot of m/c that happen withing the first 12 weeks are usually because the babys weren’t forming how they should so your body is trying to reject the malformations. I like to think everything happens for a reason and it just wasn’t my time, but soon I will have my rainbow baby AND you will too!
GOOD LUCK TO YOU! *HUGHS*
A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage or still birth.
In the real world, a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated having just experienced the storm in comparison.
The storm (pregnancy loss) has already happened and nothing can change that experience. Storm-clouds might still be overhead as the family continue to cope with the loss, but something colourful and bright has emerged from the darkness and misery.
Post # 8
@Jennifferq: That really is beautiful. I’ve never heard of a rainbow baby before. I’m sorry for your loss and I hope you get your rainbow baby soon as well. :o)
Thanks for all the advice ladies. I know miscarriages are not really talked about, but sometimes it’s needed. Thank you all for being open enough to do so. :o)
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I had a miscarriage at 19. It was devestating because I was told I would probably never be able to have children of my own, and its just a traumatic thing to go through. I wasn’t ready to have a child but even if I was young just the chance to possibly have a child naturally I was holding on to for dear life.
Long story short I went into a deep depression and boyfriend and I broke up. Just over a year later I ended up pregnant with my new boyfriend. A few weeks along I started having SEVERE bleeding and cramping and I thought I was miscarrying agian. I was upset but I knew I didn’t want to have a child with this man at that time so I just accepted that I was not meant to naturally carry a child. I ended up not miscarrying and for some reason had my period at that time that I was pregnant. The relationship with my sons dad did not workout and we broke up shortly after.
I now have 3 children, a boy and twins (boy and girl). I no longer am afraid I will miscarry, in fact I see that I can get pregnant easily. At the time of my first pregnancy I had been going through a lot of health issues and I just think my body had not recovered enough to be able to carry a healthy baby. I’ve accepted that and moved on.
To be honest though I wasn’t trying to concieve any of the times I got pregnant, so the fear of miscarrying again was never really there, until the 2nd time I thought I was miscarrying again.
My advice is to try to just enjoying TTC and let whatever happens, happen. You can’t force your body to do anything, its all in Gods hands. If you are meant to be a mother to your natural children you will be. Good luck I hope it all turns out well for you.
Post # 10
To be honest, I’m not sure you ever get over the fears. My DH and I went through years of infertility issues and then magically got pregnant on our own last year. It was a blighted ovum and my miscarriage was medically induced. Almost a year later, we got pregnant naturally again. I was terribly afraid of the same thing happening and read into every sign, or lack of sign. I was sure something would go wrong. I am now 22 weeks and I am still scared of something going wrong. Early on my doctor told me that just because I had one miscarriage, that it does not increase my chances of a second one. All I can do is be positive and enjoy this whole experience. I believe that everything happens for a reason and this little munchkin I’m pregnant with right now is the baby we were meant to have. I wish I could give you some magical advice that will help, but I can’t. All I want to do is wish you luck!
Post # 11
Its very common for women to miscarry their first pregnancy, you cant be perfect at everything the first time so neither can your body. Esp since you were at a younger age you were more likely to miscarry too. I say GO FOR IT GIRL and enjoy your experience of TTC!
Post # 12
I’ve had 6 miscarriages. All of them early, all of them heartbreaking and soul crushing. All I can tell you is that the desire to have a child is more stronger to me then the desire to protect myself from the possibility of losing another child – so far. It’s something you’ll have to decide for yourself (and for some people, one is all they are personally able to handle and that’s more then fine). *hugs* The journey of ttc after miscarriage is a tough one.