- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
When I picked a Maid/Matron of Honor I picked one of my friends that lived close and could help me out shopping for dresses and things (almost all of my bridesmaids live far away) and someone who I thought would do an amazing job*. I’m pretty much planning the whole wedding myself down to designing and printing my own invitations. I have a lot of experience with events so these things aren’t that hard for me.
*My sisters don’t want to be in the wedding, it’s fine they’re young and my best friend in the world is a guy. So I wasn’t picking based on who was closest to me.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is being absolutely horrible. I haven’t seen her since February, when I hired her to do a high-profile event and she used it to elevate her status and didn’t even care about the client. Disaster. She was even fighting with one of my other bridesmaids who I also hired and now they hate each other. We had a huge fight and she offered to step down, but I said we could work it out, some things just needed to change.
She was on board after that but then it fell apart. She had to leave venue scouting early (and she was driving my fiance and I) because she had a friend’s child’s birthday party. And then she didn’t want to leave an event that SHE PLANNED THE SAME DAY WE WERE GOING DRESS SHOPPING because she wanted to make sure it went well. She could have picked ANY other day and she did not. She also missed a big brunch where we introduced all the members of the wedding party to each other that same day.
Then she started a new job which keeps her super busy. Now we all work crazy hours and I don’t really ask much of my bridesmaids because I’m greatful they’re taking time and money out to be in my wedding. I picked the dresses, did my own venue scouting and planned the logistics of my bridal shower/bachelorette party. They’re taking care of the activites but I booked the hotel rooms, made all the reservations, coordinated the travel etc. People have things to do and my wedding is MY #1 priority not theirs, so I have no problem doing most of the work. I just ask them to come along for second opinions and things.
I told my Maid/Matron of Honor she could wear a different dress becuase she wanted something with sleeves. She picked a dress that she was going to wear to someone else’s wedding which is fine, except their wedding was super formal and mine was not. She also picked the SAME (very expensive) designer as my gown and bought a dress that could be on the red carpet at the Oscars. She didn’t even ask me if it was ok. She told me. And only after I begged her to show me what she was wearing to make sure we all matched. We don’t.
She hasn’t been involved for so long that at some point she even stopped being in the email loops and no one noticed. I had a friend who is getting married next year that has been so helpful I added her as a bridesmaid and my original choice for Maid/Matron of Honor has moved back from CA and has free time so I made her the second Maid/Matron of Honor. (She was studying for two bar exams before so I did not want to give her added pressure.)
My Maid/Matron of Honor FINALLY called me yesterday and was asking if everything was finalized for the wedding and where we were having it? UMM it’s in 5 WEEKS! Invitations are already out. What planet is she on? She also has not said a WORD about a new dress and she wants to plan a wildly inappropriate bachelorette party which I don’t want and I already handed those duties over to my second Maid/Matron of Honor.
My fiance doesn’t want her involved, she doesn’t mesh well with any of the other bridesmaids, and we don’t have a strong friendship outside of having grown close after planning a few events together and her being very supportive thoughout my relationship with my fiance. Pretty much telling me I better make it work because he’s awesome, which I know.
The real question is how do I do it. Do I give her a chance to step down? Do I ask her to just come as a guest? And can I do it via email since she won’t make time for me and I can’t get her on the phone? It is really stressing me out and starting to cause a lot of unecessary tension between my fiance and I. I don’t even care if the “friendship” will end at this point, I just want to finish planning with as little stress as possible and enjoy my day which won’t happen with her.
WHAT DO I DO?