- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Inspired by the other thread about family members, I’m wondering if anyone has any advice for dealing with my mom. As I said there, she always means well, but she has a tendency to ask you what you want and then do whatever she wants anyway, even when it’s a celebration for you.
She also is really manipulative and controlling. Her most ridiculous request so far has been that my Fiance tell one of his groomsmen (his best friend from college) to step down and be an usher so that my brother could be a groomsmen. AND she gets incredibly frantic if things aren’t going her way — at my law school graduation, I didn’t get to take a single picture with any of my friends because her first words to me after we graduated weren’t like “I’m so proud of you” or something to that extent, but instead “come on, hurry, we have to go, we’ve been waiting outside for you for ten minutes already, and family is waiting for you at home, and it’s raining in a town an hour away and it might rain at home too, come on come on”. Nevermind the fact that their “waiting for me” was while I was taking an entire class photo and not able to move.
Our biggest fear was that she was going to make us have a backyard wedding so she could control everything, so we made plans with another venue, etc etc, and then, after she told us to book everything, she told us they couldn’t afford it. Then she, my dad, and my younger brother sat down, without consulting me, even though I’d been asking for input since before I got engaged and none of them would give me anything, and they planned our wedding for us. Venue, Caterer, Music, Cake, Officiant. And there isn’t a ton we can do about it, because we can’t afford to pay for it ourselves right now.
When we went home for Labor Day (three days after they dropped the bombshell that they weren’t paying for anything — the same day that they replanned the entire thing and said they would pay for the new plan), she got super frantic about us going to see the new venue she’d chosen for us (the backyard of a friend of hers) and how we needed to go see it THAT MINUTE (nevermind that I was asleep on the couch sick and with a fever, which she knew about). When we said we didn’t want to go that moment, she went off about how ungrateful I was, etc. and how I keep punishing her for her mistake (the mistake was lying to me about them paying for all the original plans — that they signed off on every aspect of, btw). We finally went to see the place she chose the next day, and it is very pretty, and my Fiance and I really don’t want to fight with my family, so we agreed to get married there, but I’m just afraid we’re not going to have any input into anything now.
My mom planned both my sisters weddings (one sister, two weddings) with barely any input from my sister, which is exactly how my sister likes it. But as I keep trying to make clear to them, I am not my sister. I obsessively read wedding blogs since way before I was engaged. I’m just not sure how to handle this really, and not look like a bitch for asking for what I want.