Post # 1
My coworker situation is a bit unique. The company is owned by my parents, and both my parents, my aunt, and myself work there. The company is not that big, but it’s not that small either. I had been thinking for a while that if I invited some I would have to invite all, and I would like to, but with 25 coworkers and all their significant others, it has become clear that if I have to invite everyone, they would take over our guest list AND our budget! My fiance and I are attempting to pay for most of the wedding ourselves. We are trying to do a 100-125 person wedding on a $10-12K budget. But I do want to invite some of them, as some of them have been with our company since I was a kid and are close to family.
How do I handle inviting some but not all of my coworkers without hurting people’s feelings????? Help!
Post # 3
@Lrroma181986: just say it’s family only. I was considering inviting my coworkers but it would add at least 20 people and its at least an hour or more from most of them so I’m not inviting any now. I would only invite your direct boss, unless it’s a family member, then they’d already be invited.
Post # 4
Uff. I think it really is all or nothing! Mostly because your parents own the company, and it cause some serious favoritism issues if some people are invited but not others!
Post # 5
@Lrroma181986: How many would you like to invite? I think if you’re only inviting a few it’s ok, because any uninvited worker should realise lots of their co-workers aren’t invited too. Especially since there’s such a good reason (that you’ve known some of them for so long). It only gets awkward when you invite most and exclude a few.
Post # 6
I would be inviting about 5 out of 25 coworkers. Think I can get away with that? I was going to take the all or nothing approach, but we can’t afford the all, and I would be leaving out some important people if we go with the nothing.
Post # 7
When inviting people in tricky situations like this, I think you should invite “sets” of people (that may not be the best term, but let me explain!). You could invite the people in your section of the office, your department, or only the people you see outside of work. Whichever set of people you choose to invite, if you invite one or two from a certain set, you should invite the entire set in order to avoid hurt feelings.
Sort fo the same concept as “we invited only kids over 13” or “we invited all of our first cousins”. Obviously it isn’t all cut and dry, but it’s a helpful guideline.
Post # 8
@Lrroma181986: Personally I think 5 is fine, especially if they’re the 5 who have been there the longest.
Post # 9
We are trying to keep the guest list around 100, and if I invited all my coworkers, once you include their spouses that would be half the guest list!
Post # 10
I don’t think it’s necessary all or nothing. For example, I work on a team of 12 but I only invited about 5. I invited all the managers and one person who’s my age and is the only one in the office on my FB. I think if there’s a clear distinction as to who is invited, then it’s fine. As another example, my friend is an attorney and her assistant only invited the managing partners and the attorneys. She didn’t invite the paralegals or the other assistants.
Post # 11
@Lrroma181986: I work with about 15 people. My Maid/Matron of Honor is a coworker, so she doesn’t count, but i invited only 3 coworkers (2 are a couple). I could justify it by saying that 1 had known since I started here 6 years ago, and the couple is my boss.
The one who I did invite has been asking about the wedding all year, and asking if I was going to invite everyone from the office (in front of others). I made it clear it was going to be a very small wedding, and gave him no indication that he would be invited (though I always intended to). That way, i got the word out that it was a small affair, so I think the expectations were that they wouldn’t be invited.
This morning, I issued an informal invitation to another coworker and her partner, who has only been with us for a few months. I explained to her that in order to avoid hurt feelings, I did not invite many people from the office, but that if they are free, they should pop by (sans gift, and no need to RSVP). I like her a lot, and I work closely with her, but to formally invite her when I sent out the invitations would have seriously pissed off some people who I’ve worked with longer.
I think it can be done, but make the expectations clear, and be discrete about who is and isn’t invited.