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How do I handle someone who's volunteered but may not follow through?

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
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    Marydittydith    October 9, 2010   Georgia

    A co-worker of mine makes jewelry and she offered months ago to make matching pearl and crystal earrings for my bridesmaids as a wedding gift to me as long as I purchase the supplies. I took her up on her offer because a) I was going to get them matching earrings anyway, b) it was like 6-7 months before the wedding and I assumed there was plenty of time, and c) it will most likely save me some money.

    Fast forward to 2 months before the wedding and we haven't even gone to look for supplies. I'm starting to get nervous that she isn't going to follow through. My worst nightmare is that I won't have anything for the bridesmaids! It could get worse; I could buy all the supplies, she could take too long on the earrings, and I could end up with hundreds of dollars down the drain.

    So this is what I'm thinking of doing and please offer any advice you have. I want to be gracious and grateful of her offer, but firm in my timeline. I'm planning on talking to her and telling her that I've looked over all of my to-do's for the next two months and I really need the earrings to be completed by a certain date so I can put the bridesmaids' gift bags together. I'll tell her that it is fine if she can't do that, there will be no hard feelings, but I really need to know so I can go ahead and order something else. I'm also not too comfortable fronting the money for the supplies before I even get a finished product, but I'm not sure how to address that issue because I told her I'd pay for the supplies. I wonder if I could ask her if it would be all right if I reimbursed her once I get the earrings? If she doesn't deliver on time and I've purchased the supplies, could I ask her to reimburse me??? What would I do with a bunch of beads and fastenings?

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated, especially if you've ever been in a similar situation!

     
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    DJones6005       Texarkana, TX

    I like your idea of asking her if she still plans on making them and giving her a deadline so that you can get the gift bag for them ready.  I am with you as far as paying for the supplies and then them not making the jewelry and you being stuck with the supplies.  If you do go ahead and front the supplies money I would defintely get the receipt in hand so you can return them if needed.  If she would be willing to pay for the supplies up front I would think that would give you a bit more "guarantee" that she is going to make them since she'll be out the money up front.  If she can't give you a time she'll have them ready then I would tell her no thanks.

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    It doesn't sound like you are comfortable enough to go through with it. And honestly you don't even know if it will save you any $ at the end of the day. If I were you I would buy the girls something in my price range and let your friend know you found something fabulous that was ready-made and went for it.

     
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    jillocb    October 16, 2010   Knightdale, NC

    Yup, I would just go wtih what makes you feel best.  At this point, do you need the additional stress of waiting on a friend who may not come through?  I like moderndaisy's idea of telling her you found something fabulous and just went for it

    I had a friend who said she would do our makeup day of.  Then she bailed on two events we had planned and made up excuses which made me worry about her.  Do I need to be worried about someone not showing up to do my makeup on my wedding day?  No.  So I told her my Mom had a friend who she wanted to do it for us.   Ooops....  :)

     
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    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    I think you should be very direct with her.  I'd approach her and ask her if she's still up to helping you with making the BM jewelry (for starters).  Assuming she says yes - I'd ask her if she could do a couple mock ups for you to look like (make up something about having trouble envisioning what they look like).  That way - you can see her work and decide if you really want her to do it.  If she can get these for you quickly - then you will also have an idea of how much it will cost, etc.  Give her firm deadlines of what you are expecting and ask her if she can deliver in that timeframe.

    But, if I were you, I'd have a backup - in case you either don't like them or she can't follow through.

     
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    Marydittydith    October 9, 2010   Georgia

    thanks everybody. i think your responses have convinced me to tell her that i found just what i was looking for at a great price and i couldn't pass it up. i'll thank her for her offer and apologize if she's invested too much time in it (which I don't think she has). hopefully it won't burn any bridges at work, but i think it will be okay. i've got to protect myself and guarantee my girls get nice gifts!

     

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