(Closed) How do I keep this under control???

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

We are also not doing +1’s for budget reasons, and I think we’ll be using response cards that say “We have reserved ___ place(s) in your honor”, and then filling in the appropriate number for each invite. We are hoping that will make it crystal clear for people without being rude.

Post # 4
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Those friends have obviously not dealt with the cost of planning a wedding, and it’s rude of them to try to tell the host how to manage the guest list!

“We have reserved ___ seat(s) in your honor.”  “___ of ___ will attend.”

People may try to change the number- when that happens- “We’re so sorry-we have space and budget limitations and can’t accommodate guests’ dates.” Then mention how much you look forward to seeing them at the wedding

Post # 5
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@Tangled:  Recently I’ve seen where people include the number of seats reserved for the party on the invitations.  So something along the lines of:

M_________________

__ seat(s) have been reserved in your honor

__ will attend     ___ will not attend

 

I wish I had seen this idea before I ordered my invitations.  Some people might think that it’s rude but it definitely gets the point across. 

EDIT: I should have added that you & FI will fill in the number next to the seat(s).  So if they are only one person then you would write one.  It also prevents people from thinking their children are invited when they aren’t, or that kind of situations.

Post # 6
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

The rule we are using is that anyone “our age” (younger generation) who is not in a serious, long term relationship is not getting a +1.  However, those of our parents age (older generation) are getting a +1.

ETA- those of our age who are in a serious long term relationship will have both names on the invite (i.e. Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith) not the “and guest”

Post # 8
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yep, I did the whole ___ seats have been reserved thing and had people cross out the number and add in! 

Post # 9
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

@Tangled:  They may do that – and there’s nothing you can do to stop them – but the problem is theirs to deal with, since they were the ones who were presumptuous. I don’t mean for that to sound harsh, just matter-of-fact …

Post # 10
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

@KCKnd2: Agreed. If a guest prematurely invites someone else, that’s their issue to resolve, not yours.

Post # 11
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

@Angelz_love:  Wow!  The nerve of some people!!

Post # 12
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I did the blank of blank attending and put a 1 for everyone who doesn’t get a +1. 

I have one girlfriend who is particularly upset about this and I told her that I don’t want randoms at my wedding. That actually worked as an explanation.

 

Post # 14
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Singles are NOT entitled to a +1, and never have been according to etiquette.  You are totally in the clear.  Tell them to look it up in Emily Post’s guide, she will set them straight!  🙂

Post # 15
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Don’t feel bad! We did “and guest” some people, but only if we knew they were in a serious relationship, or would know absolutely no one else, and we made sure to write that person’s name specifically on the envelope (in most cases, friends of ours who are engaged or are in LTRs). In my eyes, these are social units that should be invited together, and we also know their SOs very well. However, if we just gave everyone a blanket and guest, that would have potentially added about 25 people to our guest list. At approx $120/person, I could not justify that. Especially in my experience, I’ve been to weddings where people bring a friend, their roommate, someone they just met, etc. I’d rather spend that $3000 in other places. In most cases, everyone has been cool about it with the exception of a very distant relation on FI’s side. She posted a snide comment about it on Facebook, but we’re sticking to our guns. I was peeved about inviting them to begin with and her aunts/uncles/parents will be there, so she can  shove it lol.

Post # 16
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m struggling with this too! TWO people have already asked me if they can bring a date. I couldn’t believe it, and I thought it was SO RUDE. I used the excuse of “we have no space” because we invited 160 people and our venue only holds 148…but also, I don’t want your random boyfriend of two weeks there! No ring, no bring!

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