- 8 years ago
I am just going insane and needed to pour it all out… none of my other girlfriends are getting engaged yet (except 1, who just got engaged and I don’t want to bog her down with this because I want her to savor the moment before wedding craziness begins), so I really don’t have anyone to talk to…
Here’s the skinny:
-Mr. Tiny and I are in grad school, and we plan to finish our master’s by the end of the school year (spring for him, summer for me). I’m 22 and he’s 24. We plan on moving in together in a new location after we find jobs.
-We have been dating for 9 months now; talked about marriage early this past summer with both our families separately, but no proposal/engagement.
-We looked at rings early July, but he didn’t put a down payment or anything (that I know of). And he told me he’s still “saving” for the ring.
-Mr. Tiny and his family planned on having me come on his family vacation, in another state, for 2 weeks for Christmas.
-Told Mr. Tiny I was feeling guilty about going on this vacation because I’m not engaged yet (I come from a very conservative culture) and my parents would disapprove but still let me go.
-Mr. Tiny then told me “Well, by Christmas, you’ll be engaged.”
I was so excited to hear this, but I just couldn’t swallow it. It just felt kind of unnatural. I know Mr. Tiny is pretty stressed out because he’s looking for a job, and he’s saving for the ring – except, I don’t even know how much he started saving for it! When I asked how much he’s saved (like progress, not actual money) after he made that statement, he got frustrated and told me that he has bills to pay and that he doesn’t get biweekly paycheck like other people (we both get monthly stipends). After that, I just shut my mouth and never brought it up again…
I just can’t tell if he’s for real or not. I told him that not having a ring didn’t matter, but after he discussed it with his dad in July, he told me that he was going to buy me a ring (because I was going to wear it for the rest of my life). And now he’s also stressed about money and saving for the ring. He does have a job, but he is NOT a good budgeter (but has no debt, and this is something he needs work with but he’s honest about).
And now I’m wondering whether I’ve pressured him too much into getting engaged – especially because of my family’s disapproval of us going to see his extended family if we’re not engaged, and even more so if we move in together next year… Since one of my best friends got engaged, I have also been relaying to him a lot of details and aspects about the process of the proposal, the ring, etc… I guess I was trying to send him subliminal messages or something :/
Mr. Tiny just has a really good poker face and it is impossible to read. I just don’t know what to think anymore. I feel like I’m going insane! I even almost broke up with him (before this conversation) and now I’m thinking maybe that was what prompted it! He has been telling me, “If I had enough money, I would propose to you right now…” and in my head I’m screaming “Oh my gosh, just do it!” and then of course he adds, “but I don’t have money…” ARGH!
I am like in cycle 2 and 3 of the waiting period! HELP! I just feel like I am going insane and going in circles!