How do I let go of the resentment

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like you are nagging him about it and that is his set back.  I don’t think a guy wants to propose to a woman that keeps nagging him about marrying him and proposing.  That irritates men and it’s a turn off for them. Plus, men procrastinate. 

Post # 4
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GonnaBeAFind:  I see a few issues here that I don’t know that I would be able to get over for awhile. So you work your butt of at your full time job and then work for him all weekend and he pretty much blows though all of that money on stuff for him? id be furious. I work for my husband when I have some time and don’t get paid. But we are married and all of that goes towards bills and rent and our fun money.

My husband bought my ring in February of 2010, planned to propose is summer of 2010 when we were on vacation. He could’nt even wait a whole week before proposing. And your SO has had the ring since February?! I honestly see that as a huge red flag. If he wanted to get married, it would be done. 

I think you HAVE to have an honest, open conversation with him about how you feel, about how you are starting to resent him. If you can, show him this post. 

If he still doesn’t get it or doesn’t propose by like, next month I’d honestly leave. Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
480 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Maybe he’s worried that the proposal won’t be up to standard and you’ll be upset/angry if it isn’t as perfect or romantic as you want.  If you really want him to propose, try telling him that you don’t care about the proposal you just want to be with him and to be engaged.  Tell him any proposal will be romantic enough as long as he is sure about how he feels.

Post # 7
Member
6273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

talk to him about it and tell him your feelings calmly without being defensive.

i brought it up many times with my FI. he knew i wanted a proposal sooner but he told me he had his timeline and he was sticking too it.  he didn’t let me know when it was.  we knew we were getting married so i didn’t understand the wait.

but just be open and talk about it.

Post # 10
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@GonnaBeAFind:  He has all the power in this relationship and you need to grab some of it back. I agree with @JemmyGee:  that you may need to move out in a month. Enough is enough. It will be empowering for you.

Post # 11
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@GonnaBeAFind:  Sounds like he needs to seriously grow up. A $1000 tool?! When you’re paying for pretty much everything? I’m sorry, but he doesn’t souNd like he has the maturity to be married. 

And blaming others about him feeling pressured? That’s just him making excuses. He’s the one who told people, not you.

I’m starting to think you might be better off just leaving at this point.

Post # 12
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@JemmyGee:  This!!

There is no way in HELL I’d be working for him for free so he can purchase toys for himself. Seriousy?? Why have you put up with this for so long?? It’s one thing to purchase a home with a boyfriend, quite another to work for free so he can enjoy himself free of commitment.

I agree that you need to have an honest conversation with him about this and really listen to what he has to say. Because his actions sure say that he doesn’t want to marry you.

My FI had the ring for a grand total of three days before he proposed with an elaborate an thoughtful proposal. A man doesn’t hold on to a ring for months and months unless he’s having reservations about marrying you.

 

 

Post # 13
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I don’t blame you for being pissed off.  I’ve said it on here before, I think men who purchase the ring, let their lady know they have it, and then make them wait months are bloody cruel.  

I would tell him that you want to start drawing a wage from the business, to begin with.  It’s not fair that you are also working hard but don’t have any money for yourself.  If he can waste $1000 on himself, he can well afford to pay you.  

Post # 15
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@GonnaBeAFind:  WHAT??? You also pay almost all the bills?? Are you kidding me?! 

Why do you want to marry a guy who thinks nothing of taking advantage of you?

Post # 16
Member
1340 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@GonnaBeAFind:  Oh come on, this is a wedding board. We all agree that it’s not enough to just be together. We all want to get married and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that. When did wanting to get married become shameful??

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