- Boots McGee
- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2009
When my husband and I were planning our wedding three years ago, we decided that one of my husband’s female friends should be one of his attendants. We were both close to this friend and her partner, and thought it would be wonderful to make the friend a special part of our day.
Shortly after we returned from our honeymoon, my husband received an e-mail from this friend. Among other things, she basically said that she’d decided that I was a cold person, and that I was hiding things from my husband that would eventually come out down the road. She predicted that our marriage would not last, and said that if my husband was smart, he would seek counseling immediately to learn how to deal with these issues. My husband instantly cut off all contact with her, and we haven’t spoken to or heard from her in three years.
Bees, when I say that I felt like I’d been sucker-punched, I’m telling the truth. I think I’m a fairly normal, well-adjusted person with family and friends who love me. And I can usually tell when someone doesn’t like me, but this caught me completely off-guard. We took vacations with this friend and her partner. My husband had known her for more than a decade, but I’d formed a relationship with her in my own right in the short time that we’d known one another. I was the one who suggested that we make her an attendant! She and my husband were never romantically involved at all, and I can’t think of a single instance of animosity between her and me. From what we can gather, she was most upset that I did not reply directly to some e-mails that she sent me right before the wedding. She said it was extremely rude and callous of me to ignore communication like that. The thing is, my husband talked to her or her partner by phone a lot (they are overseas), and I sometimes would tell him things to pass on to her. In the rush before the wedding, I guess I thought that everything had been responded to.
Now to the point: in her e-mail, she said she’d considered telling my husband on our wedding day that marrying me would be a mistake, but decided not to say anything. Strangely, despite her feelings, she entered my bridal suite and helped me put on my dress. We have professional photos of her fastening my buttons and arranging my veil. She then went to the front of the church and straightened my husband’s tie – we have a photo of that, too. I can see her in the audience at our wedding, glowering and looking generally unhappy. She is everywhere in the photos, and that can never be undone.
My husband and I now have a daughter and another baby on the way. We’ve settled into life, but sometimes we like to open our wedding album and reminisce about the day. I always end up in tears and asking him what I could have done wrong. My husband always says that she has problems of her own and that she leaned on him, and that once she saw that he was getting married, she realized that he could no longer be her main source of support. He says he does not regret ending the friendship and has never looked back.
How do I move on from this? More specifically, how do I turn looking at my wedding photos into something happy, rather than it being such a source of pain? Am I being too melodramatic about this?