Post # 1
One of my bridesmaids is hilarious…and extremly dirty-minded. Which is great when there’s a group of us girls/guys hanging out, especially when drinking. That’s totally fine.
But it’s almost like she doesn’t have a filter sometimes! I have been in situations with her that were REALLY awkward because she says something that another generation doesn’t find humorous, and is totally inappropriate in front of certain crowds.
A) We were with my fiance’s 2 aunts, his grandmother, and his parents. This bridesmaid of mine decided it was a good opportunity to say that when she worked at a hardware store, the CAULK was always falling in her mouth. She kept emphasizing “caulk”…she thought she was really funny… everyone was silent. So she REPEATED it! Like 3 times until we all politely laughed so she wouldn’t repeat herself again.
B) We were having a baby shower for a friend and this friend’s boss and coworkers were there. It was just a small shower at a house and we had all just started on a glass of wine, it was the beginning of the night. Someone mentioned breastfeeding and the size of boobs, and she blurted out, “I can make my boobies clap together!” And no one acknowledged her, so she said it AGAIN. She repeated it later even! What the heck?
C) She SWEARS A LOT! Always uses the F-word…and loudly. No matter who’s around…kids, grandparents, anyone.
I’m really worried that she’s going to make a TERRIBLE impression on my family. My mom is very sweet-natured and not at all of a dirty mind. There are plenty of other people I can htink of that will be at my wedding who will not be impressed if she lets her mouth fly like this. I’m actually not so worried about the wedding, but moreso the rehearsal dinner.
How do I tell her to cool it without offending her?
Post # 3
at the wedding, most people will be too busy to notice her antics. i would take her aside right before the rehearsal dinner, and tell her that your parents or grandparents are very conservative, so please keep her dirty comments to herself for the night.
Post # 4
Wow, I have had friends like this, they are so fun when it’s the RIGHT time! lol I would just say something like, “We all have to tone it down at the rehearsal since my parents and grandparents are going to be there, let’s not cuss or talk dirty, deal?” Make it sound like you’re telling everyone, even yourself…so she doesn’t feel like you’re just accusing her of these things… maybe??
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
OMG. If she repeats those kinds of jokes when everyone is silent, she’s clearly not very good at reading social cues. I second PP, tell her that someone is really conservative (whoever) and you don’t want to offend them, so tone it down for the night (and maybe be more direct with the “knock it off” signals than silence, since she clearly can’t read that one!).
Post # 6
As a friend you take them as they are. You knew her behavior when you asked her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man so the best you can do is say “Just FYI so and so is easily offended by bad language” and hope she listens. You shouldn’t try to correct her though. You are not her guardian
Post # 7
@Wannabe-diy-bride: one of my bf’s friends from growing up is just like this. when I met her and he introduced me as his gf, the first thing she said ‘So, she’s f**ing you good right?’ Now, they have NO history or anything together, he was really embarassed. I don’t think we’ll be giving her an invite 😛
Post # 8
Just assign another bridesmaid to keep an eye on her. The other Bridesmaid or Best Man could invent a task for her/change the subject/get her away from your easily scandalized relatives if she starts getting bawdy. Or, if she starts getting inappropriate, you or someone else could just gently remind her to keep it PG.
I doubt people would notice though – there’ll be a lot going on that day! I wouldn’t stress about it too much.
Post # 9
Whew boy! I’m really not sure how to broach the subject without offending her at least a little bit. But you have to say something! The fact that she can’t pick up on those social cues is BAD and I would be terribly embarrassed to have a friend behaving like that in front of my family and FI’s family. Try to talk to her the next time you’re out together – let her know that you think she’s hilarious, but that you really want her to keep her comments “PG” in front of your wedding guests.
Post # 10
Yeah, I think I will just alert her that my mom is very conservative…which she is, and just pray she’ll be on her best behavior! 🙂
Post # 11
To be honest my whole family is pretty open minded and aside from personal stuff there is very little that I would say with my friends that my Mam and my sisters and I would chat about.
But what I do have experience of is …. I work in a botanical gardens, I work with another woman and when we’re busy on our own sorting out plant cultures we often have silly dirty chats and jokes, which is fine, but because we are an educational facility we often have children wandering around and in those cases it’s just not on! I took her to one side and just said “Look if you don’t tone down your language when your round the greenhouses then at some point a teacher or parent will complain and you might loose your job!” so I advise ….. Tell her that if she upsets a relative of yours (a-bite unintentionally) it will really upset you and sort of spoil some of your big day ……. but that’s just me! 😀
Post # 12
Haha I’ve got one of these! She is SO dirty and open about her sexuality, if we’re at her house you have to be careful what you say or insinuate or before you know it she’s bringing out dildos -_-She even says she feels so bad when they have dinner at her husbands because she says retarded things without thinking. I am going to give her a heads up that my grandparents might have a heart attack at the rehearsal dinner if she starts one of her usual conversations, and just hope for the best! Remember, its not you who should be embarrassed, she’s doing it to herself!
Post # 13
I would just talk to her about it. Yea she might be offended but I would definitely tell her nicely and just explain it to her that you would very much appreciate it if she would keep her comments and language clean at the wedding. I really hope she can control herself and not get upset at you for bringing it up, good luck!
Post # 14
I think it would be best not to say anything to the potty-mouthed BMs, but to have someone keep an eye on her.
Post # 15
i really don’t think you need to say anything to her. if it’s a decent sized wedding, i doubt anyone will be paying enough attention to her to notice. all eyes are on you and your hubby that night!