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I would have one of the other bridesmaids talk about the ideas of the party amongst themselves to be sure she knows whats in store...and maybe she will back out on her own...unless she is the type who loves to judge
Unfortunately i dont know a polite way to go about this as bridesmaids are generally invited to all wedding related events....
GOOD LUCK
No, there is no polite way to do this. She is a part of the bridal party, even if you don't want her to be. She would really be hurt if she was left out.
This is a festivity in your honor, so you have every right to enjoy it without worrying about her. Hopefully she will not enjoy herself and will leave early. If she becomes judgemental or disapproving in a way that is making you uncomfortable, have a friend/mom take her aside and remind her what type of party it is.
I think you do have to invite her, I think you don't have to worry about her.
I wouldn't worry about it at all. She is a bridesmaid so you can't not invite her, but I would definitely find some way to let her know that it is going to be a traditional bachelorette party with all of the drinking, partying, etc that bachelorette parties have. Maybe you could get your bridesmaids to clue her in on that. Then it will be up to her to decide whether she wants to attend or not. I would say that if she does decide to go then she is in no position to judge anyone for anything that happens because she is involved by attending. And if she is against it, she will decline so you won't have to worry about it.
Don't sweat the small stuff, its not worth it. She is your future family so you may as well make the best of it.
I agree with everyone else. You can't NOT invite a bridesmaid, no matter what the reasons. It sounds like if she knows what is going on, she probably won't want to come. But if she chooses to come, you can't ask her not to without being very rude and probably jeopardizing your relationship with your in-laws. I don't think thats really worth it for one night out with the girls, but thats just my opinion.
The good news, though, is that when you're drinking, her judging won't seem to matter as much! 
Just have fun and ignore any signs of being judge-y.
I'm in the same boat as you except I go the exact opposite of you. My FSIL is younger, more of a partier, and has a tendency to make things all about her. Not that I don't have a good time or require all the attention on me but I'm nervous about how she'll act. We are originally thinking of spending a weekend at a lake house on Lake Michigan and I'm really hoping she'll flake. If not, I'll just grin and bear it.
Ler her know what will be going on...and you totally, completely, utterly understand if she doesn't want to come because of the shenanigans that will ensue.
My MOH is my sister. She is older, has 3 kids, and has never been much of a drinker. I just told her that we are going to get really drunk and probably stay out all night, and knowing that's not her scene, she was under no obligation to come. She was super releived, as she really didn't want to come, but felt like as the MOH she had to. It was a win win for both of us.
@jo.lee: I just busted out laughing!
I actully think the dinner before would be a good idea. Its inviting her and she never needs to know about the party after!
One of my BM's is my FSIL who is 20 years old. She wasn't invited to my bach party (obviously she's not of legal age) and she's really not into that type of bar scene anyway. So, technically, you don't HAVE to invited every BM LOL.
But i think she will decline going out if you basically tell her what magilnyc said!
Tell her EXACTLY what your plan is and that you understand if she doesnt want to attend. Hopefully by doing that, she decides not to come at all.
I agree with the poster who suggested letting her know what is in store. She probably is feeling just as worried about it as you are! Let her know what you're planning, that she is under no obligation to come, but if she DOES come, you appreciate her not judging!
I say extend the invitation and let her decide. When my sister got married her MIL threw a bach party and didn't invite either my mother (the MOH) or me (bridesmaid). She claimed it was because she thought my mother wouldn't want to go dancing and that I was underage (I was 24). It sucked, it hurt, and it was a royal bitch move.
I agree that you can't NOT invite her. If you tell her what's going on and are totally honest, you can give her an "out" so that she does not feel obligated. Maybe you can suggest the two of you get a manicure or have lunch out one day. She'll feel like you are making an effort to include her and you get to have fun without feeling bad.
I would invite her-she is in the bridal party so you can't exclude her really. If it isn't her thing, she'll probably say no, and if she does come I don't see why it would spoil your fun. She's going to get to know you anyway so why not let her see the real you. I do think it's weird to invite your MIL though. I don't think you actually have to do that.
No sense in making up drama that has not happend yet-see what she says and then go from there.
I think it'd be best to let her know what all the plans are and she's under no obligation to go if she doesn't feel comfortable. She most likely won't from what you described. The dinner before would be nice too because she could feel like she was getting her celebration in and not have to stick around for the partying afterward. Have fun!
Even if this woman IS judgmental, she should be invited since she's in your party. However, I would alert the rest of your girls (or just the up front, yet tactful ones) that she may need to be pulled aside to say, "Hey, this is not your event. If you don't like what's going on, head home and we'll see you tomorrow/wedding day."
Can you find one of those uber-offensive invitations in the shape of male genitalia? Then on the inside of the invite you could write down the hours of the party and all of the vulgar shots the girls will be REQUIRED to down ever hour (you know the ones I'm talking about...dirty names!). She may be so turned off by the whole thing that she politely declines. And if not, you could just have everyone pester her all night about finally doing that "Blow Job" shot. You never know, she may let loose and have fun. Or just not come at all. Or come and be mortified. But it sounds like a lot of fun you could have (sadly at her expense).
i think if you had a dinner beforehand, she might feel as though she is participating without feeling obligated to go to the clubs after. i wouldn't keep the clubs a secret though- because she will find out, and that will just hurt her. you can always have a bridesmaid say really loudly, "i'm so excited about the lines of coke and body shots we will be doing!" jk.
I agree with most of what's been said here. (Also, MightySapphire, you are hilarious.)
It would probably be a bit awkward of you not to invite her, but for everyone's sake I think you must make sure she's aware of the kind of evening you're all planning. (Your bridesmaids exist for duties like this.) Actually, I've been to bachelorettes in the past that have run into trouble because some or all of the guests did not know what to expect, in terms of wildness, tameness, financial expenditure, whatevs. Surprises are nice, but so is anticipating your awesome party - sometimes it's best to err on the side of full disclosure.
Judgy McJudgerson can attend, not attend, or gracefully duck out early as her scruples and tastes demand. And if you're really concerned that she's the type of person to both attend AND try to ruin the fun, you could always ask a bridesmaid or other reliable friend to supervise her / shut her down with a funny joke / send her on a chips-and-dip run as the situation demands.
First of all, being 36 is not that much older. Maybe she is more mature because of her responsibilities as a mother, but that doesn't make her too old for fun.
Do NOT not tell her about the party or not invite her. I think that would be very rude. BE HONEST, instead! Tell her that you are having a batch. party, and that you would like her to come, however, you want to let her know that there will be drinking and misbehaving involved that you know she might not approve of. Then let her make the decision.
This is family you are talking about. If you don't invite her, you are making a fun party more important than your new family member.
First off, thank you all for your advice and wisdom!! And the awesome laughs I had! Whoever said the line about having the bridesmaids fill her in really made sense to me. They all know exactly what my worries are and they will make sure i have a good time and she knows whats in store. She isn't that much older than me, but we have much different views on life. I'm a social worker, work with inner city kids. She thinks my good guy friend(who is an usher) chooses to be homosexual. I have tried to include her in on a lot of things (wedding dress shopping, looking at venues, etc..) she even made a comment about how her parents (my fiances parents) are giving more money than my parents. She has no "filter" and doesn't seem to care about how she offends others. I hate to be judgemental myself, but she only knows one type of person, the rich stay at home wife and mom. I am starting to realize through this wedding process that i am perfect the way I am and if she can't handle a night of going out(seriously i'm super tame too) then thats HER problem not MINE. I wish I could stop caring about how people perceived me! Thanks everyone!
Can you ask her brother to mention that she might be a bit out of place and let her know that if she doesn't feel comfortable, that you would not be offended at all if she chose to bow out after dinner?
I did the dinner thing in a less sneaky way. My bachelorette party was the same day as my shower, so we just put it out there that there would be shower to dinner/wine tasting to a drinking/penis straw event, and let people make their own decisions what they would like to attend.
I thought it was a nice way to include some of the ladies, and then if they didn't want to go to the next location, they didn't have to.
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So I'm having quite a dilema. My fiance basically made me ask his sister to be a bridesmaid. The thing is that she's a bit older than all of my 5 other bridesmaids who are my friends. We're all around 30 or under and shes 36. She also has three children, doesn't drink and is pretty religious(in the way where she is kinda judegemental of some things). I am going to be having a normal girls night out for my bachlorette party. We will probably stay the night in a hotel. My mom and all my bridesmaids will definately drink and do it up. How do I politely not ask her to come. I feel horrible about it, but know that i would be on edge all night watching what I do if she came along. I would hope that she would politely decline if i invited her, but knowing her she'd come along.
The only thing i could think of was going to dinner before hand and inviting them(sister in law and mother in law) and then somehow having them not come with. Any polite ways to do this?