Weddingbee boards

Hello fellow brides. I'd like some insight on not inviting first cousins. Here is the short of it. . . We wanted a small wedding (50 people). We booked a reception at a restaurant that can hold 85 people max, and our list has grown to 75 - NOT inviting any of my first cousins on my dad's side. My dad's family is huge - counting spouses and kids, my first cousin tally would be 25 people. I used to be close to them as a kid, but haven't seen most of them in 5-6 years. My parents are divorced, relationship with dad is slightly strained but getting better, and I am inviting his brothers and sisters. I was raised by my mom, I'm very close to her family, and my first cousins ARE invited from her side (there are only 9 counting adults with kids anyhow). The wedding is 5 hours away from them, so they probably wouldn't come, but I don't want to take that chance since the reception space is limited. I've considered talking to my grandma about it, definitely don't want to talk with dad. Should I send a nice email to the first cousins briefly explaining things before I send invitations to their parents? Or should I just send out invitations and hope for the best? and deal with the worst?

@Natalieh86:  that's a great suggestion and good feedback - thank you. That's exactly what I'd like to hear from people . . . if they'd rather have an explanation pre-invitation or no explanation/no invitation. The latter might raise awkward questions of "did mine get lost in the mail?" but the former would probably raise questions that wouldn't even be considered - plus essentially invite responses, which I definitely don't want.

@mtnhoney:  great first-hand experience. In hindsight, do you wish you'd sent the cousins a letter or email first, explaining that you'd decided to invite aunts and uncles but not cousins?

@Coffee cup:  very good words of advice from everyone. THANK YOU. It makes me really nervous, but quite honestly we don't have a choice because of the venue (that we chose). I think many of the family will understand, because they know my parents can't help pay for the wedding, so we're on our own. I'm most nervous about causing any tension with my dad. I thought that if I invited at least all of his sisters and brothers (even though I'd rather not), I can stand behind that reasoning. ai-yai-yai... I am holding one other "card," which is that most of my dad's family hasn't met my fiance, so I can also say that "we chose to have a small gathering of friends and family who know us as a couple" - which is (mostly) true. I guess the best I can do is offer my explanations with honesty and gentleness. If someone decides to get angry and carry that torch for awhile, that will be their choice. My FH asked me, "what happens if they get so mad they stop talking to you, worst case scenario. Can you handle that?" And, in the end, I actually can, particularly if they make such a stance over something so minor and understandable.

So, I just wanted to update all the bees who replied to my cry for advice. There is a lot of anxiety around weddings, especially family guest lists, so I thought it may be nice to hear some good news, too... With my sister's encouragement, I took the plunge and nervously talked to my dad about it. Shockingly, he was completely understanding. I honestly explained my situation, and his (uncharacteristic) response was, "Honey, it's your wedding. You do it however you want. I understand why you would stress about it, but I don't think you need to." It did help a lot that my fiance and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. So, I just want to encourage other bees to have those difficult conversations and hope for the best - sometimes people can surprise you! As my sis advised, play it straight and hopefully people will respect that.