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How do I politely invite someone to arrive after dinner?

posted 2 years ago in Reception
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    1.
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    Newbee
    Mrs. Tea    October 16, 2009   Chicago

    Hello Bees!

    Yes, due to reception size I can't invite everyone to dinner.  We decided on the reception size because we wanted a small, intimate wedding.  However, there are a few guest...about ten  that I would love to invite....after dinner.  (I have 150 guests).

    What is the best way to invite them, without making them feel bad? 

     
    2.
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    Buzzing bee
    peeptoe    May 30, 2009   San Francisco, CA

    You could easily say: Please join us for Cocktails and Dancing.

    But honestly, I don't know if it's ever polite to invite someone to a party when they have obviously missed half the party.

    If you were going to another location- I'd say you could invite them to an after party.

    Good luck.

     
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    snowflake119    July 2010   Stanford, CA

    Sorry, i agree with peep. It would be pretty obvious that there had already been a ton of partying to which these guests were not invited... and since there is such a small number of them, I think they would be particularly hurt to see that just the few of them weren't considered good enough. I agree that you should find another location - or better yet, since it's such a small number, find another way to squeeze the budget to pay for their meal. If it was me, i would feel like it would be a slap in the face to be in the unlucky 10. Good luck!

     
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    RecessionistaBride    January 28, 2012  

    I'm sorry to say, but your guests are going to feel like B-listers regardless of how you do the inviting.

    I was invited to a wedding where I was not invited to the reception, but to a "Dance party" following the reception that was starting around 7 at night. The wedding was at 2pm.

    Seriously... it left the worst taste in my mouth. I went to the wedding & the only reason I had considered the after party was because a bunch of my friends were going. I got there at 7 and they were still chowing down... so I left (along with 15 other after party guests).  The bride got pissed at all of us & she, to this day, hasn't spoken to me. I'm happy I didn't bring my gift in & I still use her pyrex set.

     
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    Beekeeper
    cardigan    January 7, 2011   Austin, TX

    I agree with the previous posters. There really isn't a way to do it without offending anyone. They will definitely know that they weren't included on the "real" list of guests invited to the whole thing.

     
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    HL    10/11/09  

    Ditto Peeptoe -- you don't.  It's just not polite, however you say it.  You either have room for them or you don't, and they're either part of your small, intimate guest list or they're not.  I'd be humiliated to arrive at a reception where everyone was seated and had just finished a meal in which I wasn't invited to partake.  And were you not planning to invite them to the ceremony, either?

     
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    oracle    October 23, 2010   Los Angeles

    I agree with the others.  Don't do it.  People understand not being invited to the wedding, but to be invited to a secondary party (or conversely, to not be invited to dinner but invited to church) really leaves a bad taste in the guests mouth (and is remembered long after).

    Even though I understand your desire for those ten people to be there, and your intentions are good, do not do it.

    If I were you, I'd speak with your venue and ask if there was any way at all possible they could squeeze in another ten people... they might surprise you!

     
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    Bumble bee
    octopus    January 1, 2000  

    I agree with the other posters--I don't think I'd do this, if I were you. If I were only invited for the last third of the wedding (if you count the ceremony, dinner, then the dancing part), I think I would feel pretty insulted and would probably not go.

     
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    Sugar bee
    ddubzz    June 5, 2010   Los Angeles, CA

    Gotta agree with the above posters... there really is no tactful way to invite guests to come dancing but not to dinner. 

     
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    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    Ditto don't do it! It'll backfire

     
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    Mrs. Tea    October 16, 2009   Chicago

    Here is the thing...my venue only seats 150.  There is literally no room for them to sit besided the adjacent room.  Then they will really feel like they were on the "B list".   Also, they are ALL single people...not married nor in a relationship...and must I add...my fiances college buddies....does this make a difference?

     
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    Beekeeper
    ejs4y8    June 20, 2009  

    to me, not really...

     
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    Helper bee
    HL    10/11/09  

    No difference...sorry.

     
    14.
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    Honey bee
    Ember78    December 15, 2012  

    There isn't any polite way to do that. Scale back the dinner menu and find a larger venue that allows you everyone in the same room. so that you can invite everyone and don't invite any extras for the dance-only portion. They will know they are B-listers who weren't "important enough" to join in the rest of the festivities. People do feel less special when they have to sit in a different room as well.

     
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    Buzzing bee
    vintage2010    April 10, 2010  

    Mrs. tea-

    No matter what the size of the location is you can't invite them half-way through the event.  They won't understand that they couldn't fit in 10 more people.  And sitting in another room is just as bad.

    How many people have you already invited?  Not all your guests will show.  You can expect about 10-15% won't come.

     
    16.
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    Helper bee
    MelissaB    7/25/09  

    Honestly, I think the nicest thing to do would be to not invite them, period.  It doesn't really matter who they are or whether or not they're in a relationship, it would be pretty weird to tell them they're only allowed to attend half the party, and will likely cause some hurt feelings.  And you're talking about such a small group, those 10 people are going to feel really awkward when they get there and see that you had 150 people at dinner.  It's sort of like saying to them, "Out of the 160 people we wanted to invite to our wedding, you guys were the 10 least important."

     
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    Mrs. Tea    October 16, 2009   Chicago

    Wow. Thanks everyone for your honest input!   My fiance and I have been debating this this a lot this week.  This has shed some light on our debate! 

     
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    Honey bee
    Ember78    December 15, 2012  

    Also don't automatically assume that not everyone will show up. I've been to more than a couple weddings where the bride and groom commented that they were shocked that the entire guestlist showed up and were told by everyone under the sun to only expect 2/3 at most.

     
    19.
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    Bumble bee
    melodicsighs1    May 22, 2010   San Diego

    I think 150 is a big enough number to cut your guest list down and include only the people who will fit for the whole reception. I think you should create an actual "B list" of people to invite after you get enough "no" rsvps, but don't even tell people they're invited at all until you know there's room for them.

     
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    Busy bee
    starcharades    December 31, 2011   Philadelphia

    I agree that theres no polite way to do this. You either invite them to the whole reception or nothing at all. You could however invite them to an after party at a different location

     
    21.
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    Busy bee
    lobster    August 2010   New York, NY

    Is it possible to cut a few couples or people coming from out of town? 150 people is a large enough event that your 10 guests will know immediately they didnt make the cut. I agree w/the bee who said to ask your venue if they can squeeze in another table somehow -- maybe make the dancefloor smaller or a different configuration. Everything is negotiable!

     
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    Helper bee
    PlaidBride    05.22.2010  

    You're kind of in a pickle in part because you're having a fairly large reception.  If you were having only immediate family (as in 20 or so people) I would say to invite them to an after party at a different venue.  For instance, FH and I are having an afterparty at our friend's restaurant (although we dont intend to invite non-wedding guests) which is down the street from our reception site.  Still, it may even then come off as a bit shifty.  If the college buddies didn't make the list, then they didn't. Heck, they're guys anyway and may even be glad to not have to dress up!

     

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