Post # 1
Need some advice on how to be tactful but direct!
I am about 30 lbs overweight, but tall, so I carry it well. My sister is short, and recently lost a TON of weight, and she looks great. It seems she feels this gives her license to be super-critical of me. Like the time I reached for the bread basket and she says “6 points!”
Well, how about the dress fittings? When I found the dress: “What’s with all this redness on your arms?” Dress fitting 1: “You’ve got some serious back fat here” as she pokes at it. (It’s under the dress, over the shaper, can’t see it once it’s zipped up)
So dress fitting 2 is today. What do I say if she comes at me with another line? I need to have a comment planned so I don’t lash out with “Back the F off, woman!!” I almost want to say that she won’t be dressing me on my wedding day, I have half sisters and stepsisters who can step in. My sister has been notorious her whole life for being bitchy, I was hoping she’d mellow out for my wedding.
Post # 3
I’m not nice. I’d tell her to bend over and start kissing my ass…one side to the other and she better take her time because I have a lot of ass to cover!
Post # 4
Tell her that you like the way you look and you’re not interested in losing weight. You want to look like “you” at your wedding.
Post # 5
Calling someone out in a really honest way is always the best way to catch them off guard and shut them up. If it were me, I would say,
“Why are you saying these things to me? I’m in my wedding dress. I want to look beautiful, and you’re trying to make me feel bad about myself. Why would you do that?”
She’ll probably respond with something like, “I’m just telling you the truth.”
To which you can reply, “No, you’re not. You’re trying to make me feel bad. You’re saying hurtful things to me. Please stop.”
She might come back again, but don’t back down with the seriously sincere honesty of how she’s makin gyou feel. bullies can’t deal with that. They’re used to confrontation. If you respond like this, she’ll likely go sit in the corner like a wounded puppy.
Post # 6
“Back the F off, woman!!”
Is the response she would get from me! If you’re happy with the way you are its got nothing to do with her and just cos she has lost weight doesnt mean anything other than she was unhappy with how she looked!
Post # 7
All excellent advice. I wish I could try the first suggestion, rewind, and try the next, and keep going down the list until I see what works!
Post # 8
I think also shutting her down directly is a good strategy.
Her: Some stupid comment
You: My physical appearance is not up for discussion. Do not make any comments about it, or you will have to leave. (Said very calmly).
Just be very no nonsense, and if she doesn’t comply, follow through and ask her to leave.
Post # 9
I would tell her that unless you invite her to make comments about your body, it is an off-limits topic for you.
Post # 10
I know EXACTLY how you feel.I have gained some weight ( about 30 or so lbs) because of my office job. Last time I saw my sister ( who is anurse and see’s everything in nursing eyes) she said to me randomly, ” Are you guys planning to have babies soon? Because you will need to lose atleast 30 pounds before or you will get gestational diabetes.”
Um, EXCUSE ME?????????????????
I said her her,
#1- We are not planning to have babies for a while
#2 – I am not worried about my weight and SO likes me just the way I am, so please don’t comment on my weight. I know I have gained some and I plan to work on being more active, but there isn’t anything I can do about it right now at this very moment.
I am not sure how your sister is, but mine reacts to explainations well. If I show her I have acknowledged the issue she has brought up and given her a clear and understandable explanation with a hint of being offended by her, she will back off. She gets it from my Mom who is also a nurse and will just say to you outright, “ You look so fat!”. Ah, the joys of family.
Post # 11
See, I’m mean and I’d just tell her to eff off or something worse.
Like the time I reached for the bread basket and she says “6 points!”
Really? You should have been like, “Oh, how sad for you to have to watch me enjoy this delicious, amazing bread.” And then rub it in her face how good it is.
Post # 12
I am also unfailing rude.
“Fuck off, don’t put your insecurity and body image Issues on me while I’m in my wedding dress. Are you jealous? Maybe you should leave until you can be a positive part of this fitting.”
Post # 13
what a B! I’d just snap back and tell her to keep her nasty comments to herself! Who died and made her your Jenny Craig coach?!
Post # 14
I would tell her to leave. That is so hurtful.
Post # 15
who has the heart to say that to anyone let alone their SISTER? I would just put her in her place.
Post # 16
I like the suggestions Tangled made. If she keeps it up, you can just tell her things along the lines of “worry about your own body” or “if I want your input, I’ll ask for it.”