- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2011
So my fiance has been pretty willing to be involved with planning as long as I don’t talk about it too much, and he remembers details and asks me about them later, which is awesome, and he is pretty open about what I want, but every so often he gets all freaked out about the wedding being a large one. For me, I am 1 of 7, and my dad is 1 of 10. I either invite all 65 of my immediate aunts, uncles, and cousins, or I invite none of them. My fiance is an only child, and his mother is 1 of 4, so his relatives number a lot less. So when we talked about it all the way back at the beginning, I told him my relatives have always been close to me, and always been supportive of me, and that not only will they have a hard time understanding why they weren’t invited to the wedding, but I want them there. But my fiance’s parents got married in front of a JP, and he told me that he never expected to have a big wedding when he got married, and that he’d prefer a civil wedding like his parents.
So every like 3 or so months, he has gotten all upset, and told me that this is all on me, and he never wanted a big wedding, and that I am doing it just for me, and not listening to what he wants, but I don’t know how to make him happy! He is marrying into a LARGE family. But he tries to pretend he isn’t…his parents raised him to be VERY private and VERY isolated, and so even my parents trying to have him over on a weekly basis is not something he is all about. But when I ask him what his reasons are for not having one, and why he is so not excited about it, all he tells me is that 1) when he was younger and thought about what his wedding might be like, he imagined that it would be just a small party with friends, and that 2) his parents won’t have anyone to talk too, since they barely know me, his friends, or my family (by choice!!), and 3) that the mix of people who know him from different times in his life freaks him out.
And I told him that every wedding is a random mix of people that don’t know each other, and that the size of the wedding is somewhat out of my control if I want my relatives there, and that it is not my fault his parents chose to separate themselves from his life, and I shouldn’t have to worry about them not having anyone to talk too…this is their only son for goodness sakes, and his mother refuses to get to know me. I can’t do anything about that. But, I don’t want this issue to turn into something we carry into the marriage…I don’t want to hear comments about how I “forced him” to have a big ceremony and how I don’t care about what he wants….
So what do I do?