Post # 1
So, I’m needing a bit of advice and guidance for a situation that I’m almost sure is going to happen.
FI and I recently became engaged in May, everybody is delighted for us and there has been no dramas so far. We’ve been doing some thinking about the style and generally the kind of wedding we want to have. I’ve had an idea of creating a surprise slide show/video, for my FI, showing pictures and things our time together as a couple. I was thinking of playing this after the speeches (or before I’m not precious). With this slide show I wanted to pre-record a song I had chosen along with the video, since my FI has never heard me sing properly. It’s also the song that FI proposed to, so it means a great deal to us. I used to be a singer many years ago but haven’t done anything since I was in my early twenties. I’ve never sang for him or his family or really for any of my friends who will be there, so I’m really quite nervous.
Anyway, FI’s sister (and my FSIL and Bridesmaid) is an awesome singer…I would go as so far as to say she could give Adele a run for her money, she is that good. She’s sang is pubs and clubs for years as part of a duo. This is all well and good, but she’s recently made some comments like “I best get my set list ready for the wedding” and things along those lines. The things is, I really don’t want her to sing at the wedding and overshadow what I have done for FI. I really appreciate that she wants to be part of our day….but I have asked to be my Bridesmaid and that’s as far as I’d like her to be involved. I have explained to FI that I’m not comfortable with FSIL singing at the wedding and he is totally on board with that. But how do I say no if she asks again – and I’m 100% certain that she is going to mention this again and push to sing at the wedding. I don’t want to hurt her by saying no.
Am I being selfish for not wanting her to steal my thunder?
Post # 3
I think if you explain to her that you are going to try singing, and really suck up to her abilities (you are just so amazing…I don’t think I could compete with you etc.) she might let it go?
Post # 4
What would you prefer as a form of entertainment for your wedding? If you want to have a DJ, it’s as simple as explaining that while you appreciate her offer, you want a different form of entertainment. That way, she won’t have an upset ego if you choose someone else on a different level of entertaining.
That said, it’s really rude of her to assume you’re going to hire her.
Post # 5
@MademoiselleL: This is better advice then what I was going to suggest.
Confide in her your surprise and suck up to her, saying that you don’t want people to compare her amazing singing to your inexperienced singing.
Also try throwing in that you don’t want her to have to work during the reception, to just enjoy it and be able to drink without worrying about having to sing later etc.
Post # 6
We’re not sure on entertainment yet, so I’m tryingto play everything down. Worse case scenario I guess I will need to tell her what I’m planning, which I’d rather not do because (and this sounds odd) I’m embarrassed that I’m even atempting to pull this off!
Argh! I may even just scrap the whole surprise thing.
Post # 7
@waddle: No! DON’T be embarressed. This is a beautiful, meaningful thing that you want to do and if you don’t I think you’ll regret it. I’m sure your sister in law will be supporitive of you. And if she isn’t, then who needs her!
Post # 8
@waddle: I know exactly what you mean. I’m a good singer, I’ve studied voice for years and I’d say that I’m fairly accomplished, but I dread the thought of singing for people I know. Or anyone I can actually see for that matter. I hate being able to view people’s reactions. I want to sing for the day of, but I just get so embarrassed at the thought. Perhaps have her sing a simple song early in the ceremony, so that people won’t have it on their minds as your song plays during the reception? Or have her sing before the ceremony before the processional as people are finding their seats as background music.