Post # 1
I am getting married in October and a friend of mine just keeps hinting to be bridesmaid,
I have already explained that its a small wedding only mine and Fi’s sisters are being bridesmaids (that already makes 5) but we didnt want arguing so we decided sisters and thats all.
I have explained this to my friend I have also explained that due to the fact me and Fi are paying it all ourselves means we can’t afford another so she offered to pay herself.
She doesnt understand that it really is a no. I can’t even make an exception There is no room in the car for an extra person, and the style dress we have decided on (me and the bridesmaids) will not suit her at all all my bridesmaids are very slim and have long fitted dresses, my friend is quite lagre and it would be very unflattering. I have offered her to do a reading instead but she still keeps hinting to be bridesmaid
How can I make it clear its a no
Post # 3
I think you have already made it extremely clear, so if she asks you about it, tell her clearly you are already making plans for the wedding and your wedding party has been picked. It’s nothing personal and you really hope she shares in your special day, but you couldn’t have everyone you love in the wedding party. If she just keeps dropping hints but doesn’t actually ask about it, I would “play stupid” and ignore the hints.
As for the dress thing, please make sure you do NOT bring this up to her. It’s not the reason you didn’t want her in your wedding and it would be a very hurtful and judgemental thing to hear! It would be a totally new can of worms that is completely irrelevant to the situation…
Good luck. 🙂
Post # 4
Well, no matter what you do, never ever under any circumstances mention to anyone that she would not look good in the dress because she is too “large.” No no.
You just have to tell her “I know, I wish I could ask so many people to be in the bridal party, but I just can’t, we’re sticking to family only, but I’d still really appreciate your input on some of the things I’m organizing.”
Post # 5
I have not said about the dress to her, I don’t want to upset her she is my friend But I am being realistic, I dont want anyone to make comments about her size because she will be stood with supermodel thin bridesmaids. I’m worried about looking large standing with them and I’m size 10 how will she feel at size 22?
Post # 6
… if her size isn’t a issue, don’t bring it up. Truthfully, it sounds like her size is a very big deal to you. I suggest you stop talking about it through and through.
Post # 7
I think the bigger point is that you told her you are only using sisters and she hasn’t been respectful of that decision. All the other stuff doesn’t matter. Just tell her next time that you are sorry if she feels like she is getting left out but as your friend she will still be involved in many aspects of the wedding and that having to worry about this is just too much stress on you as you try to balance lots of peoples’ feelings on lots of issues.
Post # 8
I agree with everyone, dont bring up the dress thing.
I would ask her to do something else. Greet people, hand out programs, mind the guet book. Give her a role so it’s clear she can’t be a bridesmaid. She wants to be a part of your big day. Finding some small task for her would be nice.
Post # 9
@almost mrs: Don’t NOT ask her to be a bridesmaid to spare her feelings. DO ask her to be a bridesmaid if you truly want her standing up there with you, regardless of her size, your feelings about her size, or your assumptions about HER feelings about her size.
Post # 10
Her size is not an issue to me she is my friend i would love her if she was 50 feet wide. But as you all know people can be cruel it is her feelings I care about.
Her size is not the issue with her being a bridesmaid its all the reasons I listed in my post. and as I said in my post I have offered for her to do a reading I am a little annoyed at the Bee’s that are responding that dont seem to have read the first post. I am not so shallow as to care how she looks I care how she feels.
Post # 11
@almost mrs: People are just responding based on the information you provided, and you made a point to tell us that your friend is larger than your selected bridesmaids and the dress would not be flattering on her. Obviously if she was uncomfortable with how she looked she wouldn’t be asking to put herself in the position of standing up there as a member of your bridal party, so I’m not really sure why it would matter what other people think of her. There plenty of size 20 and over ladies here on the boards who are very comfortable with their own bodies and don’t give a damn what people think about it. So even though your reasons for not asking her are unrelated, you brought it up. No need to be annoyed with people responding based on what they were told.
Post # 12
@almost mrs: I agree with katyelle… you put that out there, so of course Bees responded to it. I don’t see any snarky or catty comments here, so I’m not sure why you would be annoyed?
Post # 13
@KatyElle: agree 100%
If her size did not matter to you, you would not have brought it up.
Post # 14
@KatyElle: I have to agree.
If her size was a complete non-issue you never would have mentioned it in the first place… if she were a size 2 would you make an exception for her?
But I don’t think you need to make it any clearer, in answer to your question. She hasn’t been asked so she won’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Ask her flat out if she’d like to do a reading and tell her that’s the part you’d love for her to have.
Post # 15
I don’t think you can “hint” anymore really, as you’ve already told her the situation. Also, you don’t need to offer her a role in the wedding to compensate. You need to flat out, and firmly tell her again that there is no room for her to be a bridesmaid.
And your comment about her not looking good in the dress was really unecessary.
Post # 16
If you actually want her to be involved, you could designate her as something else, like reading. She may just feel like she’ll be left out completely of being filled in on wedding details or just really likes to help with weddings and feels like that’s a bridesmaids only job. If you’re close enough with her that you WOULD have picked her if you didn’t have so many siblings to take the spots, I think if you give her the reassurance and follow through on it (inviting her over to look through wedding inspiration or asking her to come over and help with DIY invites) she might drop it. You’re lucky you have so many people that WANT to help and be involved in your wedding!