How do I support my friend when I think she's making a huge mistake? (long)

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Wow. Just – wow.

If it were a very close friend, I would probably talk to them and try to understand what the rush is. It would be one thing if they were more mature (even then, still crazy), but if she’s blowing off classes for him that seems very immature. I trust my friends to tell me when I’m doing something stupid, so I would talk to her. If she gets very defensive (likely), it’s probably because she’s insecure about the decision and you will at least have sparked some questioning.

If she is not a very close friend, however, it’d let it go and just be there to be supportive. Either way it’s unlikely that you alone will change her mind, but IMO it’s the duty of close friends to be a voice of reason. Not tell her what to do, but simply try to understand her motivations and get HER to be aware of her motivations. 

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you tell her what you think there is a very real possibility you will only alienate her and lose her as a friend.  The best thing you can do is just be there for her. And you never know. My parents got married after 6 months and are still crazy in love 30 years later.  There is always a chance,  however remote, that it might work out.

Post # 5
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I guess the question is why does it matter? It’s her life- let her live it. She might crash, but that’s her life experience to go through and her lesson to learn. As I get older I’ve realized being a friend isn’t agreeing with every choice or even supporting every choice, but always supporting your friend. Kind of like you don’t have to love an action but you can love the person. 

Post # 6
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I do think you should tell her how you feel (gently), because someone needs to point out that this is a bad idea, even if she won’t listen. But even if you know she’s making a bad decision, you can still be there for her and support her emotionally. I agree with your DH that she probably has some hard times coming up ahead if she goes through with this marriage, and it will be good for her to know that you’re in her corner.

Post # 7
Member
3410 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You do realise that for some people this type of whirlwind relationship can be enduring? Why are you so certain it is destined to fail?

I would think that as a friend you could just be happy she is happy. What I would address with her is that she needs t still make time for other people in her life and not alienate her friends.

Post # 8
Member
35 posts
Newbee

I think they’re being silly and rushed into getting engaged, but it’s not like they’re getting married tomorrow. He wedding date is 6 months from now so they’ll have been together for 7 months by then. They may be headed for a ravine, but there’s no way to know. You just need to support her and hope everything works out for her. 

Btw, if you think I’m not being overly critical of her bc I went and got engaged after a month, that’d be way off. SO and I have been together for 9 yrs and 4 mos and we’re not even engaged yet lol.

Post # 9
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

my response to her ring pic would have been “ARE YOU STUCK ON STUPID?!” lol I’m not the type of person that can just let people make bad choices, I want the best for them and I’ll fight over it if I have to. I watch so many people quietly sit back and watch the trainwreck happen, how do they do that?! If you care you, do something! 🙁 you gotta smack some sense into this girl b/c nobody else will

Post # 10
Member
528 posts
Busy bee

I am in a similar situation with a friend of mine. You just have to be there for her and hope for the best.

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I agree–unless she wants to know what you think of the relationship, you have to be accepting of it and quietly hope they break up.

Post # 14
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@swanks4tw:  I was going to ask if one of them was waiting for marriage for sex. I have numerous friends that met, engaged, married and pregnant all in one year. They relied heavily on their faith in that it would guide them together forever, while it isnt a bad thing I wish many would get to know eachother outside of their faith. Having faith is a great basis and many have sound conversations but I feel they dont fully understand eachother when they married. I will say you just have to be supportive. I have lost touch with some of them while others after a few months being married need the support of a friendship. Its tough seeing someone move so fast and understand that they havent grasped the reality of their choice. 

Post # 15
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You know, I made a really big relationship mistake in my early-mid twenties, and some dumb life and career moves too.  No one warned me that what I was doing was dumb, and I was thinking about this a couple of months ago, and I realized that if someone had told me that I was being stupid or making a mistake, I wouldn’t have listened to them.  I needed to figure things out for myself, and I probably wouldn’t have been friends with them anymore either.  I think you should try to be happy for her and let her figure out if what she is doing is right.

Post # 16
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

sounds like one of those whirl wind romances that end up in marriage really fast that I always dreamed of..just support her and if it fails be there for her..I have a friend whose bf i dont like at all but i stil support and her and stand by her side as long as hes not hurting her…all u can do is be her friend

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