- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I joke around a lot. I have, I think, a pretty solid sense of humor. There really, really isn’t much that I consider to be over the line — and for the most part, even if someone DOES cross the line a little, I’ll let it slide because it’s hard to get mad at someone for crossing a line they may not have known even existed.
So now I’m pregnant, and the world knows about it. There are plenty of pregnancy-related jokes to be made, and I’ve been making my fair share. Example: I had washboard abs prior to baby, so now I sometimes post pictures of me in a sports bra with my stomach hanging out with the caption “check out this bikini bod now!” and things of that nature. I joke about my ‘symptoms’ which are nearly nonexistent — but the ones I have are pretty weird. I even posted a joke about the condition “incompetent cervix” because I thought that was a ridiculous name for a medical condition. “Incompetent cervix”? How exactly does one measure the competency of a cervix? How does the cervix even write the exam?!
The point is, I’ve been really open about what sorts of things are okay to talk and laugh about.
The trouble is, there are a couple of things that are NOT okay with me to talk and laugh about … and there are some people who don’t get that and who keep making jokes that are over the line. I want them to stop, but I don’t want to tell them to stop in some rude, preachy way because I really can’t blame them for not knowing where the line is when I never specified what topics were off-limits.
The two topics that are off-limits to me are as follows: 1) what condition my vagina will be in after giving birth, and 2) the sex act that caused me to become pregnant.
You’d think adults would know better than to say things like “your vagina will be utterly destroyed. Hotdog down a hallway from that moment on. Your queefs will whistle silently into the void out of your giant, shredded, grocery-bag vagina.” You’d think that. YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Adults, especially young adult males who have no real-life experience with pregnancy, do not realize that this is in any way inappropriate. And since I already made a cervix joke, I guess I gotta take the fall for this one. I said cervix –> they can say vagina. However, I really REALLY don’t appreciate that kind of joke, for reasons that are probably obvious to all you sane folks. So I need to find a way of letting them know they need to stop with that.
And of course, I also don’t appreciate jokes about me and Darling Husband having sex smeared across my Facebook page where my parents and grandparents can see it. Yes, obviously I got pregnant from having sex. Everyone knows that. Do we really need to discuss it? It’s not like baby was conceived on the roof of a convenience store during a hurricane or something. It’s not an interesting story. We banged, I’m pregnant, the end.
So. I need some advice on how to tactfully handle these jokes if (okay, WHEN) they come up again. I like being able to joke openly about my pregnancy and how it’s affecting me. I just need people to see where the line is that they need to not cross.
Given that it’s really just two people dropping offensive material on me regularly, here are my ideas for how to handle it:
1 — directly text the one that’s a good friend and let him know that those two subjects are off limits. Pros: he will stop doing it. Cons: he will feel REALLY REALLY BAD about doing it at all, and it won’t stop anyone else.
2 — write a post on my blog about “inappropriate versus appropriate things to say to a pregnant woman” and include these topics. Pros: wide audience; humorous delivery. Cons: kind of passive-aggressive, and these people might just decide it’s even funnier to do these things because I jokingly told them not to.
3 — start deleting any facebook comments along these lines the moment they appear, and hope they take the hint. Pros: effective. Cons: kind of bitchy
4 — Have some EPIC COMEBACKS at the ready that will both immediately point out the inappropriateness of the comment and teach them not to comment along those lines again, but in a funny way. Pros: EVERYTHING. Cons: I can’t think of any such comebacks.