Post # 1
i hate my inlaws. They are a hard lump to swallow and it pains me that i’m related to them. My MIL asked me to help her purchase something for her that i usually help her with. She usually pays me back for it once the package arrives, so i never asked her for the money. Then my husband tells me that we’re paying for it. I was infuriated because i paid for it and she never once said to me that i’m paying for it. After thinking about it for a few days i told him that we are not financially able to make this purchase for her and i told him that i understand his need to help his parents but we cannot afford to pay for this. We’re in the process of buying a house. He didn’t exactly give me a response but i told him to tell his mother that we’re not paying for what i helped her purchase. Apparently he never did because she just came to ask me the money i owed her. I’m so angry at the moment i’m not sure how to talk to him about it without yelling at him.
Post # 2
kitty126: I’m not sure if you and your partner have joint finances. If you do, it should be a joint decision to help his parents. If you don’t, then he certainly shouldn’t try and dictate where you allocate your funds.
I’m all for helping people, but not if it’s going to stand in the way of you meeting your own goals, i.e. buying a house and starting a life together. Money is one of the main things couples fight about, so it’s important to nip this in the bud.
You two need to have an open conversation about how finances will work going forward because it seems you are on two different pages. You’re already angry and resentful and if this pattern continues, it won’t be good for your partnership.
I’d be furious too and I hope he smartens up and puts his wife before his mother. As for how to talk to him, I’d just be honest and outline how it makes you feel, what you’d like to do going forward, and perhaps consequences of not coming to a compromise (such as separating funds).
Post # 3
kitty126: I guess I’m a little unsure about what you mean. Without going into specifics, are you angry that she asked you to purchase something for her and failed to cough up the $$ because husband told her you guys were footing the bill? Are you angry with her for not offering or knowing to pay for whatever she needed to? Were you and DH supposed to front her $$ for an item? I’m sorry but your version is confusing.
Without getting into specifics, it sounds like your IL drive you nuts, but it’s your husband who is the common denominator. Be careful about blaming IL without looking at how you DH sets the tone for everyone’s relationship (not communicating, playing Telephone poorly, not backing you up, etc).