how do i talk to my husband about my inlaws

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

kitty126:  I’m not sure if you and your partner have joint finances. If you do, it should be a joint decision to help his parents. If you don’t, then he certainly shouldn’t try and dictate where you allocate your funds. 

I’m all for helping people, but not if it’s going to stand in the way of you meeting your own goals, i.e. buying a house and starting a life together. Money is one of the main things couples fight about, so it’s important to nip this in the bud. 

You two need to have an open conversation about how finances will work going forward because it seems you are on two different pages. You’re already angry and resentful and if this pattern continues, it won’t be good for your partnership. 

I’d be furious too and I hope he smartens up and puts his wife before his mother. As for how to talk to him, I’d just be honest and outline how it makes you feel, what you’d like to do going forward, and perhaps consequences of not coming to a compromise (such as separating funds). 

Post # 3
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

kitty126:  I guess I’m a little unsure about what you mean. Without going into specifics, are you angry that she asked you to purchase something for her and failed to cough up the $$ because husband told her you guys were footing the bill? Are you angry with her for not offering or knowing to pay for whatever she needed to? Were you and DH supposed to front her $$ for an item? I’m sorry but your version is confusing.

Without getting into specifics, it sounds like your IL drive you nuts, but it’s your husband who is the common denominator. Be careful about blaming IL without looking at how you DH sets the tone for everyone’s relationship (not communicating, playing Telephone poorly, not backing you up, etc).

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