Post # 1
Hi bees! FI and I are having a pretty small wedding (15-30 people). We decided not to have a bridal party (there wouldn’t be anyone in the seats otherwise–everyone invited would be standing up there with us!) and just have our siblings (my sister, his brother) stand up. I have a couple friends whose weddings I have stood up in who have automatically assumed they were bridesmaids (I would have to if the situations were reversed). How do I tell them that they are invited to the wedding but not as part of the bridal party? I am not doing a bachelorette party or shower or anything, so it’s not what the traditional bridesmaid would be a part of. Any other events (rehearsal dinner, etc.) I would want an open invitation if they would like to join us, but not a mandatory event.
Post # 2
I would explain to them just as you’ve explained to us. Tell them you’ll be having only siblings as a bridal party but that you hope they will be there in attendance to help celebrate.
Post # 3
You tell them exactly what you just said. The wedding is small, and there will be no bridal party besides one sibling standing up for you on either side. If someone gets upset about that, they’re crazy.
Post # 4
Honestly, being invited to a 15-30 person wedding is just as much of an honour as being a bridesmaid. I’d explain the situation, and tell them you’d love them to be there for you and to be part of the process and celebration, but that you’re only having your siblings. Good friends should understand.
Post # 5
MrsNarwahl: the same way you just told us. Simply say we are having a small intimate wedding, no bridal party. Our siblings will be standing up there with us as our witnesses. Thats it. Anyone would understannd that
Post # 6
I think my thing is how do I approach the subject…do I just call out of the blue? Do I wait until it’s brought up in conversation? They aren’t local, so I can’t meet up with them in person or anything. My one friend and I have had a rocky relationship since her wedding (she was only a slight crazy bridezilla) so we haven’t been as close as we used to be. I just don’t want her to take it as a personal vendetta or something.
Wiselizabeth: MsW-to-MrsM: FutureMrsBex:
Post # 7
I was in a similar situation – I just waited until someone asked generally about the wedding and while I was talking about other details, I offhandedly mentioned “we’re keeping it simple, no wedding party, blah blah other stuff.”
Post # 8
MrsNarwahl: I don’t think you have much to worry about given that you are only having siblings. It’s not as if you were having other friends and excluding them.
I would phone them , not text or email. They need to be able to hear the tone of your voice so it doesn’t come off cold and uncaring.
” I wanted to make sure you knew as soon as the decision was made, that ____ and I have decided to have only our siblings as our witnesses. We are not having others in the wedding party. We are having a small wedding and a larger wedding party wouldn’t be appropriate. We know you will understand as you have planned your own wedding . Our friendship is important to me, so I am hoping that you will (do a reading, attend as a guest and enjoy yourself without any responsibilities, etc your choice)”.
Post # 9
I was always taught that it is rude to tell someone that they are NOT going to be invited to do something. You offer an honor, you don’t have to rationalize or explain the absence. That said, I think making reference to the size and type of wedding and that you aren’t having a wedding party makes sense. I would not make a special phone call.
Post # 10
Since they aren’t local, I think you just call to catch up and mention it in context with the wedding planning.
Post # 11
MrsNarwahl: If the date is correct, it looks like you aren’t getting married for another two years, so I wouldn’t say anything about it at all now unless specifically asked about your plans.
Post # 12
I’m on the opposite side of the perspective here that doesn’t believe you should say anything. I would feel so strange if I got a phone call from a friend to let me know I’m not a bridesmaid.
I think if they’re being invited to the wedding, and they realize it’s just your sibilings standing up for you, they’ll be perfectly ok with it. Especially if it’s such a small event. I’ve never been to a wedding and questioned why or why not the bride made her choice regarding her bridal party.
Post # 13
I think unless they say something about being in the wedding there’s no need to tell them that they’re not being asked. I agree that I would feel weird getting a phone call saying that I’m not being asked to be a BM.
If it is brought up that they think they’re BMs then I would explain it exactly as you’ve explained to ys.
Post # 14
You don’t. If they ever inquire about their role in your wedding, just answer what you told us : that you’re having a very small wedding and that you do not wish to have a bridal party. What is nice of such a small event is that each of your guest becomes a ”guest of honor”, so to speak, because very few people will get an invitation to your wedding ; those who will are quite priviledged, they’re considered the people you’re the closest to. Complaining about the absence of a bridal party would be total nonsense.
Post # 15
Thanks bees! I think I will wait until it’s brought up casually– thank you for all your perspectives, it helped sort out my thoughts a bit more 🙂