Post # 1
We are having a 125 person wedding and my fiance only wants his close friend and 3 family members as his groomsmen because those are who he spends his time with and I have my sister and 3 close girlfriends that I spend most of my time with and then 3 other girls from college that I talk to every few months, but we aren’t super close. The 3 girls from college assumed they were in the wedding and I guess I never told them they weren’t. They went with me to try on my dress and they looked at bridesmaid dresses and one announced she will be 8.5 months pregnant on our wedding day. Well now I am realizing that I want just my close friends and his 4 groomsmen. How do I tell them that we have decided on 4 people for each side because it is a smaller wedding without losing their friendship or hurting their feelings. Another thing… 2 of them are going to be super pregnant so it will be hard for them to find dresses etc.
Thanks for your help!
Post # 3
Well, if you never told them that they were bridesmaids and never gave them a real reason to think they were (like taking them dress shopping) then you don’t really owe them an explanation. Just don’t invite them to bridesmaid things or talk about the wedding too much around them and hopefully they’ll get the idea.
Post # 4
@anthrogirl: If you never asked them then theres nothing to say. My FI has a guy friend who assumed he was a groomsmen, but as we have gotten closer to the wedding he has gotten the hint (as he hasn’t been involved in stuff) that he isn’t in the wedding party. Don’t talk to them about the wedding stuff (shouldn’t be hard as you say you talk to them once every few months) and if they get upset point out that you are sorry they feel that way but you never invited them to be in the wedding party.
Post # 5
@mepayne: +1. Completely agree!
Post # 6
@mepayne: We went to look at dresses and they looked at bridesmaid dresses. There at the dress try on once announced that she will be 8.5 months pregnant and the other will just be having a baby so they wouldn’t be able to be apart of many things.
Post # 7
I agree with PPs that you don’t owe them an explanation perse, since they just assumed. I would use some strong hints if they bring it up, though, like “yeah, the bridesmaids and I are having a lot of trouble picking between pink or coral dresses.” As in them and me. And not you. Maybe to soften the blow, you could offer them consolation parts in the wedding, like readers?
Post # 8
If you took them wedding dress shopping and looked at BM dresses with them and haven’t corrected them when they talk about being bridesmaids…then I disagree with PPs, you DO owe them an explanation. And the fact that they’ll be pregnant isn’t an reason, it’s looking for a convenient excuse to kick them out and will hurt the friendship, probably a lot. I’m sure others will feel you’re not kicking them out because you never asked them to begin with – but at this point you might as well have, if you’ve taken them BM dress shopping and had them talk about it. I know it’s a really awkward spot for you, but this is going to be really tough to do without hurting their feelings since you didn’t correct them earlier and have involved them in planning. But it’s definitely time to be honest with them – I wouldn’t do it over text or a FB message, and I wouldn’t mention their pregnancies either.
Post # 9
You also don’t *have* to have the same number of BMs and GM on each side.
Post # 10
@anthrogirl: Yeah that changes things… You gave them good reason to believe that they were bridesmaids. Their assumption sounds totally valid.
Post # 11
@Wonderstruck: Agree with this.
@anthrogirl: I think you need to tell them that they aren’t going to be in your wedding. You know that they are assuming that they’ll be in the bridal party. By not correcting their assumptions, you’d be unfairly stringing them along. I think it’s better to tell them sooner rather than later. You could possibly ruin your friendships if they find out last minute that they aren’t included.
Post # 12
I completely agree. I think people will be less hurt in the long run if you are upfront and honest.
Post # 13
I would be upfront with them and just apologize for the downsizing of the bridal party. Maybe you could ask them to do a reading or some other small job instead? Remeber they are your friends/family and they should be understanding & supportive about your choices.
My sister was married in July and I everyone who was involved made sure she knew that it was her day and supported her as much as we could in anything she needed. I ended up taking over for a bridesmaid who had to drop out unexpectedly & MCed at the same time (all the while juggling my nursing 6 month old daughter with family) I can tell you I was exhausted by the end of the day but it was worth it to see her so happy.
Post # 15
Yeah, I agree with PP that you should just apologize for leading them on to think they were in the wedding party, but that your FI is not having enough groomsmen for you to include them. That’s basically what I’m going to do with a couple of my close girlfriends and hopefully they’ll be more than okay to attend as guests.