(Closed) How do I tell her to back off! (rant)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

yikes! sorry you have to put up with her, but it sounds like she isn’t going anywhere!

my advice is when she gets on those topics stick to one of two sentaces

“oh that’s nice”

and

“oh thats too bad”

in about the same tone of voice like you don’t really care. it is really hard to keep going on a topic after that!

Post # 4
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Yikes, she sounds annoying.   Do you think this will blow over after the weddings?  You said you thought she was “nice enough”.  Is there a way to try to limit your contact with her until after the weddings?  Or just gloss over wedding topics by saying you haven’t thought about this or that yet.  Or just agree to disagree.

Who knows if she’s trying to just make herself feel better because there is something about you or your relationship that makes her feel insecure or jealous?   Or if she really has certain opinions on some subjects.  Ugg.  Good luck tryingto just ride this oe out.  But since the guys are so close, try to bite your tongue.  Things will probably improve.

Hang in there.

Post # 5
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee

Sounds like insecurity. If they look cheap, she probably knows it–she just wants someone else to like it so she can rest easy, for example.

I like vistagirl’s responses, and I would stick to them. Maybe add a line here or there (Oh, that’s nice, we haven’t decided yet. Oh, that’s too bad, we got a great deal.) and you’ll probably be good to go. Or, if she’s a talker, get her to start talking about herself, and then zone out for a bit if you have to be around her. I feel you on this… and so sorry you have to deal with it. It sounds like this is her nature, so buying a house/babies/pets/anything is going to set her off in the future in the same way… ugh. So sorry again! Hugs!

Post # 6
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You probably need to say something but you don’t need to get into a full-on battle. If just using 1 sentence awnsers don’t stop her from giving input…you may jsut need to tell her “Listen…you and I are different people. I apprecaite that you are trying to help or give me advice…I am sure that you mean well….but honestly, I have a way that I want to do things. At this point, I really don’t want or need anymore input”

You may not really think she means well…but I have found that this is a good way to difuse a situation. Tell the people that you are sure they didn’t mean to offend you and are just trying to help…but unfortunalty thier opinions don’t really match yours and their input is actually stressing you out and isn’t helpful.

Sometimes you would be surprised how far jsut bieng honest and direct can get you.

Honset doesn’t mean that you have to tell her really what you think. You don’t have to be mean and fight. But you can honestly tell her that you don’t want the input and that it is bothering you.

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Ugh, that’s really annoying. I hate it when people get all preachy and try to push their personal decisions/ideas on me. Don’t try to justify your decisions to her, just say “I’m glad it worked out for you so well!” and change the subject. Then she’ll see your beautiful non-DIY invitation in the mail and be TOTALLY jealous.

Post # 8
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That is so annoying.  First off, is it at all possible to further limit your communication with her?  I’m sure you try to avoid her already but while you’re going through the wedding planning process you may need to distance yourself further. 

I do think there comes a point where you need to figure out the balance between being direct and still being nice.  This would be difficult, I can’t stand when people constantly tell me what I should be doing.  So, I’d say something like, “It sounds like you and your FI have everything worked out, that’s so great.  We are really enjoying finding things on our own, but thank you for the helpful tips.  If I need any advice I’ll be sure to go to you”.  Now, when it comes to what you should be doing within your relationship, I’m not as prone to kindness.  Why would someone feel they have the right to tell you what to do?  She’s not even a good friend of yours.  If it continued, I’d have to say, in a bit of a snarky tone, “everyone’s relationship is different, I’d rather not talk about mine- just know that we’re really happy”.  Ugh!  🙂

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