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Hmm, I wouldn't say that it just isn't "you," I would probably couch it more in terms of what you said about work. That way he would probably be less likely to take it personally. Be prepared for him to get upset, but he should understand that you want to wear your ring at work, and can't do that if it's like the one you described.
Can you double up on gloves and wait for the wedding band (which you can pick out and make sure that the stones are channel set)?
You might be surprised how easily the ring will work with your life. Give it a shot and then if you can't make it work talk to him about it. :)
I'd tell him how much I love it and that it's so beautiful (etc) but the next day (i.e., not immediately) add that you'll have to take it off at work all the time and you're so scared to lose it (etc) and mention that you'd like to reset it. If he got a solitaire, it may be because he or the jeweler intended to reset it anyway. Hopefully. :)
Good luck; hope you get it soon!
Agree. Dont say it isnt you. Show it off for a few days, then one evening mention that youre concerned about the ring because it was puncturing gloves and you had to take it off while you were there. Tell him youre afraid to lose it, what does he think you should do? He wont want you taking it off while at work (Id hope anyways.) One of my best friends is a surgeon, and before each surgery she has to put her ring on her necklace. Irritating right? One day she was scrubbing in, set it on the side of the sink, and next thing she knew it was gone. Never found it.
My mom used to be a CNA and had to take hers off all the time. She hated it.
Just say "omigosh, my coworker left her ring on today and CUT a patient's skin! it was so awful, i just want you to know this is why i told you i need a channel ring. Everybody is extra careful about not wearing theirs at work now!"
Sneaky sneaky.
Also, you could have a solitaire lowered and the gold brought up and contoured so it isn't prong-y.
And, he'll be mad, but he should have listened! So, what can you expect? You told him why you needed what you wanted and that it would work best with your job. He should have listened.
PS maybe he got you the solitaire so YOU can pick out the setting? My husband did that....as soon as I opened the box I kinda looked at him and he said "don't worry, i knwo you didn't want a solitaire, but i had to put it in something, now let's go pick out a setting"
I"m sure he put a lot of work into picking out the ring, so hearing that you don't like it probably won't make him very happy. I know it's not the same thing, but the first gift my FH ever bought me was a HORRIBLY tacky leopard print/patent leather bag that was waaaay too big for my small frame. I smiled and thanked him up and down and wear it with pride.
What I would suggest to you is to not say anything at first, but after a couple months mention that you're sad because you can't wear it at work so you were thinking it might be a good idea to change the setting before the wedding. See what he says - if he's fine with it then problem solved, if he's offended or doesn't like the idea then maybe you can get a really cool channel set wedding band..
Yeah, maybe you could make it work until you get your wedding band? You could do like others suggested and double up on gloves, wear it on your necklace, etc. It might not be as bad as you think.
At first I thought I was just being hyper paranoid about it puncturing a glove and then I had some gloves in my pocket (I stock up my pockets when I get to work and just pull em out as needed) and so I tried the ring on and then put a glove over it and it took almost no effort to puncture the glove and it's a princess cut diamond so it has sharp edges and I just KNOW it would cut someone and working with the elderly their skin is very very fragile plus most are diabetic so it could be even worse.
@frugalista, that was my mom's problem. She had a marquise engagement ring, with about 2 carats full of diamonds and it was like, razor sharp, haha. She would never forgive herself if she hurt a sweet old lady
I think you need to speak up and let him know when you get it. Don't wait and see--it's going to bother you, you'll be worried about hurting someone, or worse you might lose it. Just say "honey i love it but i can't wear it at work. I need something flush or i might cut a patient. would you be terribly upset if we changed the setting? I still love it, but i want to wear it everyday, and i can't wear this everyday"
He's a guy. Appeal to his practical side. They all have one =]
Something like this would be good for work:
http://www.shaneco.com/catalog/productdetail.asp?ProductID=25304&from=Search&searchTerms=Channel&Loc=SEARCH&Page|1=90&Sort=Most%20Popular%20(Ascending)&isDyorRecordSet=false
This has the stone already, but let him know *this* would be a safer idea. A jeweler could easily make you something feasible. Last time i was in a store, two med students were picking out rings and "low" was their motto.
This one is perfect! Not a tension, and would hold your diamond low
http://www.shaneco.com/catalog/productdetail.asp?ProductID=12070&from=Search&searchTerms=Channel&Loc=SEARCH&Page|2=90&Sort=Most%20Popular%20(Ascending)&isDyorRecordSet=true
@ejs4y8 thanks so much it's nice to get an opinon from someone who's sort of "been there done that" almost everyone else at work has to take their rings off and there's been many of frantic "Oh shoot where'd I set it down!" or "I know I put it in my pocket where the heck did it go!" end of shift moments not to mention the unfortunate occasional ring taking a trip down the sink
As for the necklace suggestion, it might work but there's a few patients who seem to find things dangling in front of their faces to be a new way to choke CNAs. Hence, why I don't usually wear a lot of jewelry to work (including earrings)
I never knew a diamond could cut skin... maybe it is just an issue of having the prongs shaved?? I have a claw prong set solitaire and I'm sure it wouldn't cut anyone's skin.
First, I'd say forget about the ring and just think about how happy you will be to be engaged. It is really important that you react in that way when he proposes (i.e. don't mention anything about not liking the ring).
I love my ring, so I'm not in your position, but you should look at is as a gift. Like moderndaisy said about her leapord print bag - you wouldn't have picked it out for yourself, but he put time into picking it out for you, which is what makes it even more special. I didn't want to design and pick out my own ring. I wanted it to be from him.
Is it possible that the diamond is in a temporary setting?? And that he wants you to help pick out your dream/perfect setting later??
wow, this is difficult! you basically KNOW you're going to hurt your guy's feelings... how to best do it?
if this were me, and it were J, I'd rather find a way to adjust than hurt him, but that's me. I'd probably buy a pretty chain and wear it around my neck while at work (and yeah, get your wedding band channel set so when you're married you can wear that all the time, no problem!)
I like the idea of letting it be his idea - wear it to work and then when you come home you can mention how scared you are to lose such a beautiful ring, have to take it off all the time, etc etc. Maybe he will actually ask you if you think another setting would be better? You could really avoid some hurt feelings that way....
I agree with what other bees are saying that perhaps you should wear it gracefully then let him know about all your concerns. I too have to wear gloves at work everday (though I work in a lab so there is no risk of cutting people with my ring.) I, however adore my ring and love every detail about! My trouble too is that I do tend to tear the gloves...I have found that going up a glove size on the left hand has helped in preventing tears....sigh no more small gloves. Do you have an option of what type of glove you can wear? I know some gloves are much more durable than others (we use the blue nitrile exam gloves and they are pretty durable)Good luck with this unexpected issue! I am sure you guys willl figure something out.
How about make it bezel set or like another poster suggested and flush with the setting?
Originally, the ring that my FI picked out was nothing like what I wanted (he picked out a princess cut solitaire with a high prong setting). I never told him it wasn't what I was hoping for. I love it anyway and it is absolutely gorgeous. I don't think you should tell him you don't like it. I work in health care as well and have to wear gloves on a daily basis and I have yet to have a problem with my ring puncturing the gloves. I don't know if its the brand of gloves I wear or what, but I don't have a problem nor does anybody I know of that works with me. We all wear gloves all the time (and we usually just wear one pair of gloves and only double glove when working with chemotherapy) and have no problems. So you could try to see how it works with you and if it doesn't, then talk to you FI about it.
@jacqi-it's that old people in particular have VERY delicate skin, sometimes paper-thin and it tears on lots of things and doesn't heal well. Anybody working with them, bathing them, changing them, etc, doesn't want to take a chance and hurt them.
@frugalista, yeah my mom stopped wearing dangly earrings and necklaces, too. She worked with alheizmers patients and when they would have flashbacks, "anything goes" was kind of the attitude b/c they would relive war moments and have to be restrained and they'd just grab onto you. She really really hated to have to stop wearing her jewelry.
I know guys are extra sensitive about this, but you TOLD him about this beforehand. He kinda has himself to blame =]. And, it's a SAFETY issue. It's not "oh i just don't like it" which is a whole other ball game.
For now maybe don't worry about it until you get it. If you don't want to bring it up to him, maybe start leaving it in its box at home and NOT even wearing it to work. Personally, I'd just bring it up because that's how I am and my husband gets mad when I keep things from him in order to spare his feelings. He'd just rather know. When he asks, just tell him why you leave it safely in its box. Ideally, he wants you to wear it, and when he realizes it's not safe or practical for your JOB (personal taste aside), he'll offer to fix it so you can show the whole world (including those old men you work with that think you're just the cutest thing since sliced bread and would make an adorable girlfriend, haha) that you're off the market =].
I'm all about being sensitive towards the man who buys your engagement ring, but if it's not working, it's not working. Hopefully he'll just understand your reasonable concerns. Good luck! My guy was upset at first I didn't want him picking out my ring, but he quickly saw my reasoning for it and realized he just wanted me to be happy and like it, even if he didn't pick out the whole thing.
@ejs4y8- thanks for your support, your perspective is really helpful so I know it's not just me going immediately to the worst case scenario.
@jacqi- I've seen these people have skin tears from just rolling over in bed, they can bruise from even the slightest touch especially if their on warfarin (ie: coumadin which is a blood thinner) so the slightest scratch from a nail or the prongs on a ring can be devastating to their skin integrity
That is true. I'm in health care and the elderly do have fragile skin. You just have to be so careful.
Once you get through the discussion (good luck!) and are looking for something else, try this site---they have lots of 'active wear' styles.
http://www.sunjewelry.com/active-wear-styles-engagement-rings.html
If the link doesn't work, search on 'Sun Jewelry active wear engagement ring'
i agree with a low bezel set something like this but it uses your original stone instead of a round.. this would sit low enough on your hand (like a regular band) that it wouldn't hurt anyone. i remember when i worked in a hospital the nurses would tie the rings to their scrub strings on their pants (OMG HOW NUTS) i would have died i think if i did that.
Well, on one hand, I like ejs4y8's suggestion of casually mentioning what "happened" at work (about the glove being punctured and tearing someone's skin) but on the other... it might delay your proposal if he has to go pick out another one! This is probably the most awkward situation I can imagine! I'm sorry! But YAY for getting engaged!
I agree with the person above who said... be kind of sneaky and nip it in the bud now. If he hasn't given you the ring yet, and he doesn't know you've seen it... make it known NOW that it isn't what you want. I love the idea of telling him someone at work cut someone or lost their ring or something and thats why channel set is so key. That way if he doesn't change it you have a lot more ground to be like ok.... this is what I said... this is what you did... this is what needs to happen.
It is a sucky convo but lets be honest, you have a lifetime with this man. This one issue is just a blip.
ejs...my fiance did the same thing! he purchased the loose diamond and after he presented it to me in CANCUN!!!! he let me pick out my own setting when we got back to colorado, its a great idea! that way it could still be a suprise but you still get to pick out what you want...
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Alright, so I was naughty and I snooped...I know I know, I shouldn't have done it and it'll ruin the surprise and whatever but in all honesty I'm not a big surprise girl, I like to know how deep the water is before I jump in.
Here's the problem, the ring is just not "me" plus I work as a CNA so the fact that the diamond isn't channel set (which I told him would work the best) means I either have to take it off while at work and risk losing it or keep it on and risk puncturing a glove or scratching a resident. It's a solitare diamond with a thin band which like I said just won't work for my job. I love the ring, don't get me wrong and if it were a different situation I wouldn't be saying anything at all but I know that if I have to wear this ring for well, the rest of my life, I need it to be something that I know will stand up to my lifestyle.
My question is, how can I nicely say to him that the ring is just not "me" and won't work? I know he was upset with his friend's girlfriend for saying almost the same thing, that she didn't like the ring and wanted a different one. I don't want to upset him and I don't want him to think that I don't appreciate the thought that went into it. But at the same time, I don't want to go through life with a ring that isn't condusive to my lifestyle. I just don't know what to do! Any help would be greatly appreciated!