Post # 1
To give you a bit of background, my parents split up about 15 years ago and my Dad took a VERY backseat role in parenting. He prioritised work, socialising and drinking over us and although we saw him fortnightly, weve never been particularly close.
My Mum feels I should let him walk me down the aisle although I feel uncomfortable with this but I’m drawing the line at him doing a speech.
He’ll have far too much to drink, and he WILL embarass me. He’ll just spout a load of crap and ramble on about nothing remotely relevant and it’ll ruin my day.
He hasn’t mentioned about doing a speech – in fact he hasnt spoken to me about the wedding at all since my FI and I got engaged – but I want to make it clear sooner rather than later that I don’t want him to do one.
But how? We have an awkward relationship and don’t speak or see each other often.
Post # 3
I think this is a rough one! You can’t be sure he’s even thinking about giving since he hasn’t said anything, but mentioning something to him might make him think about it. There isn’t even any guarantee that if you ask him not to that he won’t get drunk the night of your wedding and make one anyway.
Post # 4
@Laurengrapes: Just say we decided to only do “x number of speeches. They can be drawn out and guests don’t like sitting through them” Hopefully he wont question it or will get the hint.
or you could just not say anything right away and print a timeline out of people a month beforehand…include the other speeches but not one from him, so he knows he wont be doing one?
Sorry, not the best ideas but all i could come up with :/
Post # 5
Have your DJ/MC call who is going to do a speech, and do not allow for extra random speeches, no “does anyone else have something to say’s”. If he does ask, just say you appreciate the offer but you have all the speeches set up.
Post # 6
I honestly just wouldnt bring it up! We havent decided if we’re doing speeches or not, I’m pretty sure FI’s father (who has a good heart, but is a loose canon) will embarass us horribly, but I know a couple family members would love to give a speech. We will only ask those who we WANT to give speeches to make one, and we probably wont talk to anyone else about them. If he asks, you can just say that for time-sake you chose one person from both yours anf Fi’s families to give one and because he walked you down the isle, you asked mom to do that part. That’s how I’d handle it, hope that helps! Or you could give it to him straight and say you’;d be worried about how much he’d have to drink by then… but that depends on how straight you shoot with eachother 🙂
Post # 7
I have a brother I am worried about, who always gets waaaay too drunk and emotional and gave the most embarrassing speech at my little brother’s wedding.
My plan is not to bring anything up ahead of time, to to make sure the DJ is very clear about who is allowed to have the mic for speeches.
Post # 8
@Laurengrapes: I wish I had the answer. I love my Dad but I don’t want him to make a speech. Going to pass on my personal reasons as it would long and hard to communicate effectively.
Post # 9
Your dad sounds a lot like my dad and my stepdad rolled into one. I didn’t want either of them to make speeches at my wedding. My mom and dad divorced when I was in pre-school, and from then on my dad spent more time with his girlfriend (who then became his wife, and who is now his ex-wife) than with me so he doesn’t really know me that well. My stepdad raised me along with my mom, but over the years his filter has become nonexistent which isn’t helped by the fact that he likes to drink. A lot. Even worse, he’s one of those people who can’t say anything nice about anybody; he has to take snarky shots all the time and I was petrified that if he gave a speech he would say something truly horrific and embarrassing, because he thinks crap like that is hilarious. So believe me, I feel your pain! I wasn’t sure how to tell them that they would not be making speeches, so I just didn’t say anything. It actually worked out, because once the best man and another groomsman were done speaking, the emcee took the microphone and turned the music back on so that was that. Oh, and my mom and bridesmaids physically restrained my stepdad during this time so he could not get to the microphone. That meant nobody from my side made a speech, but to me that’s far better than the alternative. In your case, I just would casually mention that you’re trying to keep the speeches short so as not to make everybody restless and that persons X, Y, and Z have kindly agreed to speak. That’ll let your dad know you don’t expect him to make a speech without having to come out and tell him you don’t want him to.
Post # 10
@MsJ2theZ: I agree. Discuss this with your MC/DJ. Have a specific order so that he can call each person to do the speech and don’t allow for anyone awkward pause from one person to the next. You could probably even tell your MC/DJ to keep an eye on the dad and if it looks like he is standing to do a speech, to jump in with music or on to the next person.
I don’t think I would even discuss it with your dad.