Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
Greetings, Bees! I am needing a little advice here. My future FIL will be performing our ceremony. He’s an ordained minister. How can my FI and I tactfully and maybe not so bluntly tell him that we do not want a religiously based ceremony. FIL already knows that we are both quirky and are non traditional. But I don’t think he knows in so many words that we don’t want this to be religiously centered. Advice??
Post # 2
rosegoldgirl: I would ask him to sit down with you guys to write the ceremony together. That way you can explain how you want is to sound and come off and he will end up with his written copy exactly how you both want it.
Post # 3
If he’s a minister, it might be problematic for him to perform a wedding without invoking God. You (both of you – FI should probably do most of the talking, actually, if it’s his father) will need to have an honest discussion with him and really look at whether having him officiate is the right choice for all of you. If you two are committed to a non-religious ceremony, it might be easier on him if he’s not the one performing it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I went through this. My uncle is a minister and I wanted him to officiate at our wedding. We are both atheists and really don’t want “god” anywhere in the ceremony. I first ran it by my cousin and she thought I shouldn’t even ask him. But his wife thought it would be no problem.
In the end, we sat down over a beer and asked if he’d be ok doing a ceremony without god. He agreed! I believe his thinking is that not mentioning god doesn’t take god out of the mix (for him). So for him it’s still a union overseen by god, it’s just not explicitly stated. For us it’s just not religious at all.
But you have to just be direct. And prepared for him to say no.
Post # 5
I suggest adding in a ring warming to your ceromony. This is where your rings are passed through the guests and they can pray/bless/wish over the rings with good thoughts. This kind of ritual let’s pepole incorporate things that are important to them (such as god or some other element, Mother Nature etc), without publicly thrusting it upon everyone else. I assume that your FIL being a minister means that other family members are also religious so showing him that you are willing to let them incorporate that themselves into the ceromony might make the news much easier, just in case he is likely to twist it from leaving out god directly into banning god.