(Closed) How do I tell my parents I'm engaged?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

Wow, that’s really sad for your parents to not trust you – for no good reason, it seems!

I would probably take them to dinner with John, and tell them, “Mom, Dad, John and I are engaged.  We’re getting married on ____ at ____.”  If they offer protest, I would say, “John and I love each other very much, and we are committed to making our marriage sucessful.  I would appreciate your support.”

I really hope it works out, and congrats on your impending engagement!

Post # 4
Member
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If they react poorly you already know why. You have insight into the way they are. You will be disappointed if you go in expecting them to be anything other than who they are. You could bring FI along since he is going to be your support system from here on out.

I’m sorry your family might not be excited during this special time in your life. It is a shame!

Post # 5
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I really believe that being married means you are a team.  I guess this even starts when you are engaged, so I feel that you should go to your parents as a team- together.

Maybe he should “ask” your father first?  Would your parents appreciate that?

Post # 6
Member
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I wouldn’t tip toe around it, I would just come out and tell them.  Be straightforward, and let them know that you’re excited and would love it if they were excited.

Part of being an adult is being able to accept that your parents might not be receptive to the idea of you getting married, but don’t let it deter you. 

Once you’re OK with not having their approval, you’ll move on from it and so will they.  I’m pretty sure that all parents are apprehsensive about their kids getting married at first, but they work through it.

When my husband and I got engaged, I called my mother and screamed in her ear.  However, both of my parents were expecting it, which made it a bit easier for them too.

Post # 9
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would call them in excitement just like you would if you knew they’d be on board.

Do you know for sure that it’s just John’s age that they don’t like? Are there other things they’re concerned about? (Legitimate or not – like if they thought he didn’t make enough money (illegitimate) or that he doesn’t treat you well (legitimate))

Post # 12
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@1stRosie:  Ok, that helps. In that case, I think that all you can do NOT tiptoe around their feelings, because their feelings aren’t reasonable.

I would call them when it happens, be excited and joyful, etc, but without expecting that they’ll respond with happiness, so you’re not disappointed. And if they complain that he’s too old or not Catholic, say, once, “I understand your concerns. We did not make this decision in haste, and I know that he is the right man for me. I hope you can be happy for me.” If they mention finances, state firmly that you would not marry someone who wasn’t financially responsible, and that you won’t discuss it further.

Post # 14
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I agree that you need to tell your parents together. My brother is engaged to a woman 19 years younger than he is, and let me tell you, her family is not crazy about him. And rather than telling either set of parents they were engaged, they disappeared for several days and freaked everyone out. Then they called and told everyone about the engagement and really got off on the wrong foot. They pulled an adolescent stunt while whining about how “mature” they both were.

Although I don’t agree with your parents point of view, think of how some of your choices look to them. You moved in with your boyfriend and waited until it was a done deal to let them know (when you had gotten your mother somewhat drunk). From their perspective, that looks a little immature. To prove you are mature, and make your own decisions, you have to own it, march in there hand in hand and tell them you are engaged. Softening the blow just looks like you aren’t convinced you have made the right choice.

Post # 15
Member
2137 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

uhm your FI should ask them if he can marry you?

Post # 16
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@1stRosie:  πŸ˜€ So glad I could help!!!

 

@Missus_LLC:  That is not a practice that is either required or right for everyone. I would never have wanted my DH to ask my parents’ permission. I’m a grown woman; my consent is the only one that matters!

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