How do I tell my parents?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jepenrod94:  the hardest part is starting. Just sit down and begin talking, trust me, while you sre at it things will flow. Don’t wait any longer. 

Post # 4
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I think at 19 it would be hard for any parent to accept, as there are valid questions related to life experience and life priorities. However, at the end of the day you are an adult and have to do what works for you. However, I think you should tell your parents now-you aren’t going to win any maturity points by hiding such a major moment in your life. Addressing it like an adult and having the courage to face it head on is much more in your favor in terms of evidencing your maturity and ability to make such a big decision. 🙂 

Post # 5
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

Hmm… my best advice would be to come out as being gay first and then the engagement later. It might be a little too overwhelming for both at the same time in my opinion. However, you know your parents best.

edit – now that I reread your post it sounds like you are already out to them my mistake!

Post # 7
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Tell them right away.  Sure you’re young but hopefully after sometime they’ll come around.  If they don’t know you’re gay maybe you should first tell them and once they’ve come around tell them about the engagement.

Btw Congrats! Hopefully they aren’t all that difficult.

Post # 8
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Have you spoken to your sister? Is her marriage going well? Not that it should matter, but if your parents see that your sister married young and it worked out for her I thought it might make them come around to the idea a little more. There have been many marriages where people marry young and it works out. I have also seen serveral that ended in divorce because the person didn’t feel ready or because the people change too much in the coming years. My little brother is nineteen and if he told me he was engaged I think I would first ask if he was ready and why not put off the wedding until a little later. Nineteen is still awfully young and I could see your parents not wanting you to rush into anything as serious as marriage. Do you mind if I ask how long you’ve been with your fiance? That might also make a difference. If you were high school sweethearts and you’ve been together for years I would think they could tell how serious you are about each other as opposed to if you’d been together for three months. Do your parents know your fiance well? If they know and like him that could also benefit you. In the end though only you know how you feel and only you can say if you are ready for marriage. If you feel prepared and you want to do it than nothing your parents say will stand in the way regardless. If they love you, which I’m sure they do, they might be sceptical at first, but in the end will support you if they want to be part of your big day.
Maybe the holidays when the family is together would be a good time to announce your good news? If you talk to other supportive family members (your sister maybe?) ahead of time it might be good to have backup so your parents don’t gang up on you too much with the your too young speeches. I’m sure it won’t be easy since you’re nervous of their reaction, but your imagining their reaction might be worse than the real thing. The only thing you can do it say it. “Mom, Dad, we have good news” or “You know how much Fiance name means to me? I love him so much and want to be with him the rest of my life. The most wonderful thing happened. I proposed and he said yes” or whatever. You know your parents better than I.
Whatever you do please please come back and tell us how it went! What ever happens you will always have the beehive here along your wedding way. We want to hear all the details from engagement to honeymoon. The most important thing is the relationship between you and fiance and it seems like that is good. Best of luck to you!

Post # 9
Member
935 posts
Busy bee

@AnaA:  +1

there is no proper way to tell them. There isnt a protocol, everyone tells people differently. the hardest thing for you is going to be initiating the conversation, which you should do ASAP, you will feel better for getting it off your chest after even if their reaction is harsh. Being honest with them even if they totally lose it and say things they dont mean will take a little weight off of you. good luck. 

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