Post # 1
I decided to start seeing a therapist recently to deal with a few things going on in my life, but the one I started seeing just is not a good match for me. She has some annoying sayings and I just don’t feel comfortable around her. She’s also determined to try EMDR, and I’m not convinced.
What do I say to her to “break up”?
Post # 3
I’ve had that happen. It is actually not that easy to find a counselor who is a perfect fit. However, all I did was just not make another appointment. I never offered an explanation, I just cancelled the appointment and never went back.
Your therapist may not expect an explanation and most patients may do as I did. Just don’t go back. You’re not obligated to her.
Post # 4
I agree, just cancel your next appointment (over the phone maybe) and offer no explanation. She’s a professional, as long as you do it in a polite way you don’t need to worry about hurting her feelings.
Post # 5
You just have to be honest with her. There is no possible way that you can guarentee that two people are going to click regardless of the relationship. She’s a therapist but she’s still just a person.
I have had to “break up” with a therapist before and I just explained that I really appreciated her efforts with me and I appreciated the time that she had taken with me but that I didn’t feel like working with her was going to be the best thing for me. I explained that she had not done anything wrong but that I just felt like someone with a different style would be better suited to my needs at the time.
In my case, the therapist said that she was sorry things could not have worked out but that she completely understood. A significant portion to improving mental health is to feel as comfortable as possible in the process. She wished me well and actually provided me a list of other providers. She also had her office staff prepare my records so that they would be available to whomever I chose to see. It was very professional.
Post # 6
As a therapist, I have found it extremely helpful for clients to let me know that we are not a good fit and provide me with feedback if they feel comfortable. You are not obligated to do this, but from my experience it has helped me become a better therapist. If you are not comfortable doing this, just call and let them know you will not be back, so you don’t get followup calls and so the therapist can fill your time slot.
Post # 7
I was going to say just find another therapist and don’t go back to this one. But if you can bring yourself to offer an explanation, though it may be awkward, it could be helpful to her.
Post # 8
I just cancelled my appointment and didn’t go back, too. // I’ve had better therapists in the past so I knew that this therapist wasn’t helpful. i.e. She didn’t understand the Asian mother/daughter dynamics; and, all she said was, “Move as far away as you can.”
Post # 9
I really think it is your personal choice as to how you deal with it. I think it helps her to let her know why it didn’t work out but it isn’t a requirement. If you don’t feel comfortable, just don’t go back as others have said.
Post # 10
Plus, if you let her know what’s working and what isn’t, your therapist may be able to refer you to another therapist who may be a better fit.
Post # 11
@praline13: I am also a psychologist and totally agree. @Mrstilly if you just want to avoid the therapist and not go back at all praline13 and Dandlion D’s suggetions are great. If your reservations are about EMDR then just let her know that you are not willing to try EMDR but perhaps TFCBT or another mode of therapy would be better suited to your presenting problem.
Post # 12
I think she’d handle it well and I also think she’d help me find someone else, but I’m second guessing if I want to continue therapy at all right now. I work in mental health with kids, so I definitely see the value of it and have gone before, but I’m not sure right now if I can make it fit. Also, I avoid confrontation like the plague, so talking with her long enough to figure out who else might be a better fit is making me anxious.
My natural inclination is just to cancel and not return, but I’m making myself explain why to her because I know that I need to work on the part of me that likes to run away when I get uncomfortable.
Post # 13
@mrstilly: I agree with the others you don’t owe her an explaination but it may help her grown professionally. If you avoid confrontation (I’m the same I get completely flustered and lost y train of thought) and you still want to give her feedback I’d suggest writting her an old fashioned letter. I find getting my thoughts organised on paper is a much easier way of handling a situtation where I need to confront an issue it also gives me time to organise my thoughts and filter out some of inapropriate responses. If you are up for it then you can tell her the contents of the letter in person otherwise sending it might be a step in the right direction for you. I do this same before big corporate meetings where I can anticipate most of things I’d need to confront. I always carry a notebook and no one is the wiser that sometimes this notebook has a script of what I need to say to the bully across the desk 🙂