How do I tell people about my pregnancy?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Tatertot2003:  Aw I’m sorry to hear youre having those feelings. Listen, you’re with a man you love and a man who wants to marry you and you’re having his child, something you weren’t even sure was possible. It sounds like youre incredibly blessed. I understand being traditional, but at the same time this is happening and there’s nothing to be ashamed about! Have you guys talked about getting engaged? This might make you more comfortable. Also, I doubt people will be talking behind your back, if someone told me they were pregnant that wouldn’t be my go-to thought… If they do talk behind your back who cares?? They obviously aren’t close enough people to you to understand your relationship. When you tell people just say we found about a very special surpise, we’re pregnant! That way they know it wasn’t planned but youre putting a positive spin on it! I hope I helped, be happy! Oh and when you hear that heartbeat you’re going to just melt. We just heard ours on Thursday and I haven’t stopped smiling since! 

Post # 4
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

OP I get where you are coming from.  I am very much a traditionalist. As to believe marriage before child. However life doesn’t work that way. 

My DH proposed to me on my birthday 3 years ago.  Come to find out 4 months later I ended up pregnant and was 4 months pregnant when we got married.  When people found out I was pregnant it was like oooooo I see why you are getting married. UM no we were engaged even before that. 

You just need to get over that feeling.  Having a child with someone if your married to or not is such wonderful feeling. The first time you hold your child.  All the firsts in life of that child. 

Who cares what others say, just be happy you are together and you are having a child. That is all that matters.

Post # 5
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Tatertot2003:  Congrats!  

Sometimes life has other things in store for us then the things we planned. Lots of people have babies without being married, I think it’s becoming a lot more accepted (at least among younger people).  You’re going to be the one judging yourself harsher then anyone else, I can almost guarantee that.

I know easier said then done, but all that matters is you and your SOs feelings and happiness.  People will think what they will – you can’t control that so it’s not even worth it to try.  You can react to peoples questions/comments however you would like.  If you want to say it was planned, great.  I fyou want to say it wasn’t that’s fine too.  It’s a totally personal decision.

As for no rings – if you’re really that uncomfortable, just go buy yourself a band to wear!  Lots of people can’t even wear rings towards the end anyways.  If a stranger is going to judge you because you’re not wearing rings, that’s their ignorance and their issue to deal with, not yours!

Post # 6
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with @MrsRichard:  about getting engaged, which it sounds like you’re on the same page about, and it might make you feel better about the “officialness” of it all.  As far as the rest of it goes, yes I understand that you would ideally have been married first, but in this day and age, even traditionalists can understand and accept that marriage is a piece of paper to a lot of people, and that committment can be shown in other ways.  I think if you make a big deal about not being married, other people will sense your discomfort and be more awkward about it.  If you embrace your upcoming parenthood and and enjoy building a life and family with this man, they’ll be caught up in the excitement and be happy for you.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Tatertot2003: First of all,  Congrats!

IMO if you love each other and believe in your relationship, that should be more than enough. 

Personally I often find myself judging people who get married just because they’re pregnant. It almost cheapens the relationship to me. A friend of mine got engaged when she was 8 months pregnant and I felt embarrassed for her. Her ring didn’t even fit on her finger because it was so swollen. It just made me roll my eyes. I felt that money could have better went towards the child they were expecting. But this is my opinion and not everyone feels this way. I’d rather see 2 people fall pregnant and work through their relationship and all the struggles of welcoming a baby,  and show eachother they still want to be together.  Then decide if marriage is in the cards for them.  My FIs parents got married just because they were prego and we’re miserable the whole relationship and got divorced 6 years later. 

My FI and I got engaged because we love each other,  not because we accidently had a baby. 

If its that important to you then go for it,  but just remember a ring is not a symbol of stability. 

Tell your families, and don’t show insecurities because it will only pass it on to them. 

Post # 8
Member
998 posts
Busy bee

Congratulations! I don’t know where you live, but about half of American babies are born to unmarried mothers. So even though I would likely react the same way if I had an unplanned pregnancy while unmarried, I agree with PPs that you’re judging yourself more than anyone else will. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
11391 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Congrats on your baby!

As for telling people and having them know it wasn’t planned– I totally get that. Not because I’m not married but because my husband and I have always been pretty vocal about not having kids for a while if ever. Not a single person thought this was planned, or even hid their shock when I told them. Most of them outright asked if it was planned or said something to the effect of “…are you happy?” lol. My standard response was “It was a surprise but we are thrilled.” Which is true. These things happen! And who cares? You’re growing a person and you’re happy about it, there is nothing to be ashamed of! 

Post # 10
Member
3010 posts
Sugar bee

@Tatertot2003:  I am almost 33w into my oopsie pregnancy with my SO. I am so happy to be a mom & while it’s not an ideal situation I am SO EXCITED. Who really cares about what others think? If you are happy about the baby, let yourself be happy. Life looks all kinds of ways and sometimes it’s not how you imagine. If people comment or ask horribly invasive questions, my favorite response is “why do you ask?”

good luck and congrats! This is a really crazy and emotional time- take it easy on yourself. Feel free to PM me- I am happy to talk about this more with you. 

Post # 11
Member
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

PUT BABY BOOTIES ON THE THANKSGIVING TURKEY!

Post # 13
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think you’re in a good position–when I see pregnant women in their 30s, I naturally assume they’re married! I definitely don’t check for a ring (unlike when the oregnant chick looks all of 16)

Could you wear a silver promise band, if you’re worried about judgements?

And (unfortunately) judgements only get worse after the baby is here! Breastfeed? Dirty hippy! Formula feed? You don’t want the best for your child! SAHM? Lazy hussy! Working Mom? You don’t love your kid enough to stay home!

There’s really no winning!

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