Post # 1
I wrote this whole thing out and wb wiped it out!!! here’s it goes again
I basically message our friend(15 people each) on facebook to gather their addresses for our invites. One of my old close HS friends didn’t respond. FYI, we haven’t really kept in touch after HS but I really considered her a good friend still. Well, I emailed her again asking her if she could come. After the last message I realized I messaged her 5 times to ask but she didn’t respond! Actually she responded on message #4 asking when the date was but after that she didn’t say whether she would make it or not.
So all in all, I’m pretty hurt that I practically am begging her to come to my wedding. I would like to retract the invitation. She updates her facebook often promoting herself but she couldn’t stop for 2 mins to let me know if she’s even thinking about it. How do I deal with this?
P.s. she said she would sing during our ceremony before. that’s why I kept emailing her. not because I actually wanted her to but at that point she made it seem like it was a given that she was going to come to our wedding.
i would also like to note that it’s been about a full month since i first sent the message to my last.
Post # 3
Sounds like she doesn’t want to come, so that makes it easy for you. Just send her one last message saying you’re sorry she can’t make it and you’ll be sure to post some pics on FB after the big day. If you’re worried she might respond that she’s coming, you could add in an update like “Things are really coming together for the wedding. We just sent our final head count to the caterer and [fiance’s name] ordered his tux.”
And of course end with something about hoping she is doing well or mention something from her FB profile/updates since you haven’t talked in a while (e.g. congrats on the new job, puppy, looks like you’re having fun living in the city, etc.)
Post # 4
I don’t think you have to do anything if she hasn’t responded. If she does respond, just say “Sorry, I figured you couldn’t make it because you didn’t respond to any of my messages. We already gave the final headcount to our caterer.”
Post # 5
Your wedding is 6 months away. It’s pretty understandable that she may not know if she can come yet. It would have been the right thing to do to respond to you instead of ignoring you though. I would still just send her an invite and let her make her decision when the time comes.
Post # 6
@Angela83 – If she doesn’t respond she probably won’t, but since she has the date and the invite through email, she could always say she was waiting for her official invite and RSVP card (although it’s unlikly that she’d send it back). I think it’s best to save the worry and settle the matter.
@Moose1209 – I agree, the guest doesn’t need to know if she can come, but she does need to have some sort of contact. Someone who ignores you isn’t much of a friend, regardless of how busy they are.
Post # 7
Oh ok, I was confused. I didn’t see the wedding date and thought that you were inviting her through facebook (with the date, time, RSVP etc.) in lieu of sending formal invitations.
I think if you changed your mind about inviting her, just don’t send a formal invite. If she mentions something about it to you down the road, just tell her you didn’t invite her b/c you had to downsize and figured she couldn’t come anyway since she didn’t respond to any of your messages.
Post # 8
ya I don’t think she wants to come so just let it go and not mention it to her again
Post # 9
You have technically invited her, so that needs to be addressed. If I were you, if you really don’t want her to come anymore I would write this back to her “Hey friend, I’m going to take your non-response about my wedding as a no. No hard feeligns here, I just have to narrow down who is invited now as weddings require a lot of planning. While I would love to be surrounded by everyone close to me on my day, I understand not everyone can make it and I am okay with that. Take care and I hope to see you soon”
Done. I mean, you could go the route of passively aggressively not mailing an invitation, but you have technically invited her so that could open the door to an ugly scene down the road if she really was planning on coming (and of course not responding to the RSVP card until the week of your wedding, driving you crazy the whole time).
Post # 10
Sounds to me like you don’t have to uninvite her. She’s done so herself. I’m sorry! Why do people ignore messages? I can’t stand it. I’m dealing with the same issue. I went to a friends wedding in Dec 2008. When I got engaged she said she couldn’t wait until my wedding. She even said she’d like to help with the bachelorette party. So my Maid/Matron of Honor has been trying to contact her to no avail. Not only did she not help, she won’t be coming… or so I have to assume. Then I sent the invite, no response, deadline was today, no rsvp. I sent her a message just to say hi May 12th and she didn’t respond. This was 1 day after she sent a mass email asking for donations to assist in a new shoe company she’s starting…? Anyway, I guess she no longer wants to come! Part of me wants to send another message and say something like, “I’ll take the fact that you’re ignoring me as a big fat FU, well, back atcha!”. But don’t you do that! Its really juvenile 🙂
Post # 11
Well..can you call her? A lot of times people post their phone numbers on FB under their info. I would call her and casually say “Oh, hey, what’s going on. I never heard back from you about address for the invitation…”
Post # 12
While agree she’s not the most timely person – she could just be really busy and hasn’t had the time to respond. I wouldn’t take it to mean she doesn’t want to come to the wedding.
If you can’t get her address another way – I’d try one more time (perhaps wait until closer to the wedding). If she doesn’t respond to that – then leave it be and don’t invite her.
Post # 13
She won’t respond to your wedding inquiries, so you don’t really need to “uninvite” her! This always happens when ppl bring up serious issues on FB though. If you really want to know whats up, call her or talk face to face… If not, leave it be & keep planning without her.
Post # 14
Here’s the thing. I’m currently working out of the country so calling her would be difficult and at this point I think it would be overkill. The wedding date on here isn’t correct. It’s actually a couple months away. I know it seems like she doesn’t want to come but my only fear is that she might just show up because I technically invited her a bunch of times through messages.
This all blows. My last message was all about how I considered her such a good friend and I really wanted her there. Seems like she has plenty of time though. She just updated her facebook with pictures. Which again means that she had time to me a, “sorry I can’t” message in 3 seconds max. I guess I’m so upset because I didn’t even realize I sent all those messages until I sent the last one.
Post # 15
Frankly I would try to let this go. She is being very difficult to get ahold of. Assume that she is not coming and not singing unless you hear anything to the contrary. We had tons of people not send back their RSVP cards at all to our wedding. We assumed that meant they weren’t coming and they did not come. She’s treating you really badly and I would just call it a day on this one and not drive yourself crazy. It’s not worth it.