How do I walk away?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
7915 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

You can do it! Get the F outta there! ASAP!!! Find a couch to crash on- family, a friend, his ex gf even, she’ll understand what you’re dealing with.

Do you have a little money squirreled? Or family who could lend you some? Look on craigslist for people seeking to fill a room, or a sublet.  You can do this- you HAVE to. 

Re-read your post and imagine it was your sister or bff. What would you tell her?


Post # 4
2122 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016


Did you tell your therapist you’re feeling suicidal…? If you haven’t you need to ASAP so you can get the help and perspective you need to get on a more emotionally healthy road. You are not the things that have happened to you.. you are a beautiful human being who owes it to herself to keep living and get herself into a much more happier and positive space.

Post # 5
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999


dandeliongum:  Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline  1-800-799-7233

Think back to the days when you still has some self-esteem and self -worth, then do what you would have done then.

Post # 8
42101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

dandeliongum:  You don’t have to be in iminent danger to call the Hotline. They can give you support in making a decision that is right for you, then in taking the steps you need to take to put your plan in motion. They can refer you to local resources.

<h2>It took me a long time to work up the nerve to leave my ex-husband, but I have not ever had one moment of regret about doing so. I had to get to a point where I just knew that I coulld not live the rest of my life like that. I had  2 small childre and  had not worked outside the home since I was married. I knew it would not be easy, but found the courage to leave for 2 reasons. Deep down, I knew I deserved better, and I knew my children deserved better.</h2>

You do too.

Post # 9
3504 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

dandeliongum:  You just have to rip off the bandaid. Dump him, block his number, block is facebook, cut off all contact. If you can get through a couple weeks, you will likely snap out of the fog you’re in right now. I was in a similar situation with a break up except he broke up with me and we lived together. In one day I had no boyfriend and no home. I also moved across the country with him so I had no friends or family. Guess what? I put on my big girl panties and got an apartment stat, stayed in a motel for a couple weeks before I could move and furnished the entire place (I literally was kicked out with only my clothes). At least you don’t have to deal with moving and all that! After a month of so, I realized that it was all for the better, it was like I was in a trance that I had just snapped out of. 

If you’re afraid of being lonely, find things to do with other people, volunteer, join one of those meetup groups, try online dating, whatever. Just stay busy, it’ll get better. I promise. Being a little lonely sometimes is a whole hell of a lot better than being in a miserable relationship.

Post # 10
85 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Trust me, you need to leave him. I’ve been in a similar situation, and as much as it sucked at first (my support system wasn’t great because I had pushed people who loved me away at that time in my life) thing eventually, slowly, got better. You say you have depression – I did too (and a touch of PTSD), but I could never get things under control with that man in my life dragging me down. Once I left him, I slowly began to heal, and let myself be happier, a little at a time. Life will get better, I promise. 

Post # 11
3836 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

dandeliongum:   I left two emotionally abusive relationships.  It gets easier and if you go “no contact” with him, your recovery will be much faster and surer.    He is dragging you down.  Let him go – he will find another victim soon enough.  Abusers have to have a victim, it doesn’t need to be you.


Post # 12
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Stillwell House

Too much focus on what you think you will not have without him, girl!  Let’s talk instead about the great things ahead of you, that you will have, without him.  That excitement of meeting new people and being open to the possibilities of a first date, first kiss, shared secrets. Wipe the slate clean.  I started over at 32.  I was somene who I did not want to be – just stressing over conforming to his wants and needs to keep the status quo going.  The ME was totally suppressed.  Such a huge weight was lifted just deciding that I was done and moving on.  All sunshine and roses for me?  No, I was assaulted and nearly killed and then unceremoniously dumped by the lover that was my rock thru the ordeal and trial. Spiral of crippling depression that I was a long time crawling out of. I was on a man-hating tear for a long time as well.  But the deciding factor was that everything in life is a risk – sheltering yourself from the next bad experience is also sheltering you from the next joy.  You can do this!

Post # 13
1 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014


I am by no means a qualified mental health professional, but you should google persobality disorders and co-dependents, and run it by your therapist. You’ll identify something about yourself and everyone you know, but don’t worry, we all have occasional traits. However, if it is severe or pervasive then it can be very detrimental to a person and everyone involved with them. I don’t like throwing labels around, especially when relationships and emotions are involved and encourage you not to throw out these labels so easily without speakong to your therapist about it.  I just think it sounds familiar and might give you some clarity on your situation.

However, I think you know that you aren’t happy. You can’t force it to be. You’re likely a wonderful girl with so much to offer. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself to work on being the person that you know you are despite the negative that a bad relationship makes you feel like. I empathize. You begin to feel as if you can’t even remember the you that you used to be. Almost as if you lost her…it takes work, but you can get her back. New and improved even, and I promise that you’ll never regret it.

Post # 14
5812 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

dandeliongum:  Being unhappy alone is 1,000 times better than being unhappy with someone. At least when you are alone, you are 100% in charge of your life. Things can only get better. With someone who is dragging you down, there is no chance for happiness, you will only go further down. 

Tell yourself you will take a 3 month break from him. If you dont like being alone, you can get back together with him. 

Post # 15
461 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You wanted to hear about others’ experiences. Here goes. 

I lived with a man for 2 years, who was verbally abusive, isolated me from my friends and family, and every time he pulled one of his tantrums – he blamed it on his [undiagnosed] PTSD, would threaten to kill himself, or some other way to make me stay. 

I also have struggled with depression and the longer I stayed, the worse it got. I got help, but staying in that situation didn’t do squat for me. I finally had enough, and although I cared deeply about him, I realized that it was not how love was supposed to be.

For a few weeks, I struggled because I didn’t want to cut him completely out of my life. But through those weeks, I realized I was trying to fix something that truly was not healthy for me. Ultimately his own mental health issues ended up getting him a restraining order.

End it. End it swiftly. No contact. It’ll be really emotionally hard just because it’s ending a pattern of what you’ve gotten used to. But continue to focus on getting yourself healthy and happy. Make new friends, don’t sit at home, and learn to enjoy your time alone. I moved out and enjoyed the solitude vs. problems. 

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