- 5 years ago
My Boyfriend or Best Friend and I have have been dating awhile, long enough to know that we love each and have what it takes to make a good relationship and marriage. We have known each other awhile before we started dating as well, and started off as friends. However, my mom doesn’t like him. Before I proceed, let me give a little background:
I was married once before, when I was 26 (I’m 30 now) for about a year and a half. He was a guy my mom adored, told everyone about was so happy blah blah blah. In fact, she was so crazy about him she more or less pushed me to marry him (if you spend so much time together, I just don’t know why you don’t get married). She even told her sisters that I was getting married, before we’d even talked about it! Anyway, I was the one who ended up proposing to him. Needless to say, it didn’t last, he said he was unhappy, left me (literally – he left one day and didn’t come back and said he just could’t do it). Not to mention we were living in my parents house because he wouldn’t get us a place to live, didn’t help me financially in anyway or give them money for living there. Anyway, so after all that was over, and I was cautious for awhile, I slowly allowed myself to date a little. I went on some dates with a few people, tried to make things work, and there was just nothing there. Then I started hanging out with the guy I mentioned at the beginnig of this post more often (we met right before the divorce was final and talked some, but I wouldn’t date him at first). When I finally let my guard down and allowed myself to see how much I cared for him, I realized that we were really good for each other. We help each other out, financially and emotionally. We have started attending church together (which is important to me, since church is an important part of my life). And as crazy as it sounds, we can even have arguements that don’t worry me. Any past relationship I have had has always had one big arguement, and then it was over. That inclues the
“marriage”. We have a great friendship basis, as well as love and respect for each other, and have brought God into our relationship. I feel confident that this is the one that is meant for me.
Now, onto the parent issue.
For some reason, my mom just doesn’t like him (my dad is pretty ok with him and they get along great). Mostly, I think her reasons are prejudiced (I’m white and he’s hispanic – and while she doens’t “discriminate” she doesn’t believe in biracial marriages). She also says that he is rude to her and smarts off to her, but that is only because if she says something to him (when they were speaking) he tells the truth. He’s very polite, but is honest.
We’ve talked about getting married, and know we want to in October. We’ve talked to the church that we’re both members of and they are open that day. We’ve talked to a councelor, making an appointment with the pastor at the church (which is the same church my mom attends) to discuss everything. He has already given me a book about family relationships and setting boundaries.
Here’s the thing. My friends are supportive. His friends are supportive. The people at church are supportive (this includes the pastor, his secretary, our sunday school teacher, etc etc). My mom’s best friend is supportive. They all like him and think he’s great. She’s just the only one holding back.
Now, when I was out of town about a month ago, I ended up finding my dress. I went to DB just to “look” with a friend of mine (a best friend) and the one I really wanted was on sale and I was approved for their credit card (I said I’d let that me a sign of if I should order it or not.. the card approval.) So the dress and the shoes have been ordered, and actually already came in. My friend is picking them up (since its in her local store) for me as I type this.
So here’s the thing. How do we tell my parents, we’re engaged (he just doens’t have a ring for me yet) have a date set, talked to the church and I have a dress? Yes, I know I should have just waited, but when the dress of my dreams was 50% off… I couldn’t resist. It’s just, now I’ve gotten myself so far in, I don’t know how to handle telling her and handle her yelling at me (I’m living with them right now, and my FH (I think thats the right abbbrivation!) is staying there for the time being due to a situation that I won’t go into right now (about his family who he had a falling out with, but has slowly started coming around). So any yelling she does, I have to take, at least for right now.
Any thoughts, questions, comments, suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks.