(Closed) How Do I .well let my sisters down?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

The term "junior bridesmaid" is for a younger BM – say, 14 yrs?  So older than the typical flowergirl, but really too young perhaps to be an official BM.  (And maybe too young for your chosen BM dresses!)  You don’t say how old your daughter is, but as long as she’s okay with being the flower girl, I think its fine to have her be the flower girl.

As for the rest of the bridal party, you don’t have to have one if you want!  FI and I are having my sister and his brother stand up for us, and we are not giving them the titles of Best Man and MOH – we are talking about it more as if they were the witnesses we would ask to come to the courthouse – and they will sign as the witnesses at the ceremony.  But I think that using the terminology "stand up for us" has avoided a lot of confusion, as people think if you are having a MOH that automatically means that she is the head BM, you know?

I don’t see why your sisters should be disappointed.  This way they get to wear whatever they want!  There are still lots of official wedding type jobs that need to be done, and they can help with all that stuff.  Maybe you think they will see this as you choosing your friend over them, but if you don’t call her the MOH then I bet that helps.  Its all in the appearance, you know?

Post # 4
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Also, for the bachelor/bachelorette party, the bride/groom traditionally pays nothing.  Everybody attending should pay their own way, plus a little extra to cover the guest of honor.  If you want to pay your own way and have each guest cover their own expenses, then you are actually being generous in not assuming they will pay for you!  After all, the bachelorette party is supposed to be a party that your friends throw for you, not that you throw for your friends.

Post # 5
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2008

Do what YOU want. Tell them exactly how you feel. If they have a problem with it, they will get over it. I chose not to have a bridal party & told my sisters that I chose that for many reasons and if they had a problem with it then too bad because it is FH’s and my wedding and that is how we wanted it.

I had people telling me who I needed to have and what "role" they were to play and finally I got the confidence to tell them that "I chose this person to be xyz and I would appreciate it if you would stop telling me how to plan my wedding. If and when I ask for your advice, then I’ll listen, but I am not asking your advice on this." Yes slightly b****y but you know what, they stopped telling me what they wanted me to do.

And it all worked out πŸ™‚ Wedding is in 5 days. and my sisters got over not being part of the wedding party.

Post # 6
Member
638 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I’ve been maid of honor 3 times and a bridesmaid 2 times (at least??) and none of those people were in my wedding party.  Only 2 of them were even invited to the wedding.  I wanted a small wedding and my mom to be my MOH – and that’s what I did πŸ™‚  I agree with everyone else, it’s your day, have your wedding the way you want it πŸ™‚  Don’t feel guilty at all – weddings are not a reciprical thing πŸ™‚  Everyone has their own budget & style – so all weddings are different.  No one should expect an invitation to the wedding or to be in the bridal party.  That’s just rude.

I also (kinda) planned my own bachelorette deal.  I didn’t want a drunken party or night out.  I wanted to invite all my girlfriends to a lake house for a weekend of relaxing, winery tours, cooking yummy meals, games, and wine!  The idea was mine – I helped find the perfect house.  My friends did book the place, handle invites, plan meals etc.  It’s an event in my honor – I should have a say in what knd of event it is – ya know πŸ™‚  I paid my way – Since it was my idea to rent the place, I didn’t want to put the extra cost of my friends – again my choice πŸ™‚

It’s sounds like your sisters are old enough that they shouldn’t be acting so immature πŸ™‚  I’d call (or talk in person) and just say this is what we’ve decided to do, would love to have you join in the festivites in these ways….  maybe if they hear your reasoning they’ll act a little better.  Also even though you’re not having a bridal party – maybe they just want to feel involved in your wedding and help out some?  You could give them small jobs on your wedding day – or ask for help researching this or that – so that they feel involved & important??

Post # 8
Member
2293 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Your daughter should definately be the flower girl!  That’s a great age for the job.  I remember being a flower girl at about that age, and I thought it was soooo wonderful.  Although I did refuse to drop any of the flower petals, as I wanted them for myself.

Post # 9
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I think that it is your day and you should do what ever it is that you really want to do. It’s not really fair for you to have to worry on your special day. Also remember that you are also footing the bill.

 As for your sister, I would just let her know that this is what you want to do and basically she will have to just deal with it. When it was or is her turn she can do what she chooses on her day.

 

Best wishes… 

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