How do I word my invites? Deceased mother / father's girlfriend

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How should I word my invites?
    "Together with their families" is fine : (37 votes)
    82 %
    Word it more traditionally AND don't include Dad's GF : (5 votes)
    11 %
    Word it more traditionally AND include Dad's GF : (3 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I’d totally go with “together with their families”. Way simpler, and less chance of offending.

    Post # 3
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I am guessing you and FI have had a hand in planning this shindig? So, even if you have not put money in, your time and thought count in the hosting calculus.  Som, together with their families includes everyone that helped ot plan and or fund this wedding. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    118 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You dont even have to put the line about the family

    Post # 5
    Member
    10986 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I would suggest the format as follows, obviously using their actual, full names:

    Mr. John Doe Weatherbug

    Mr. and Mrs. Alfred Evan Fiancesparents

    and Ms. Fathers Amazing Girlfriend

    Cordially invite you to attend the wedding of

    Miss Jane Emily Weatherbug

    to

    Mr. Your Beloved Fiance

    etc…

    NOTE:  I know that the word “and” on an invitation implies marriage, so I am not 100 percent certain that this would be technically correct. However, I believe that “and” may be used as long as it is not connecting two names on the same line.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My father died when I was 14 and my husbands mum and dad are no longer together and it was only a year before our wedding that my husband and his father began to reunite. So we had: The Pearcey and Nichol family wish to invite ____[guest name]____ to celebrate in the marriage of laura and byron blah blah blah xx This meant we didnt offend any party and our wedding was about family xxx

    Post # 7
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee

    Sorry…This got way longer than I anticipated…

    I didn’t vote because I honestly don’t think it matters that much…I mean that as a huge compliment btw. Just judging by your post I can tell that you have a good heart and care a lot about everyone.  I am sure your family knows that and wouldn’t be offended by any of your options. If you say “together with their families…” you can let your dad’s gf know how much her involvement in the wedding planning and your life has meant to you by telling her that you chose that wording because she is family to you. And you can explain to your FILs that you chose that because you not only see the wedding as a marriage between you and your groom but the building of one big family (at least that’s how I see it…especially once you have kids) I honestly think that if you do mention names that you should follow your heart and trust your gut with whether or not to include your dad’s gf. (I am including my step mom’s name in our invitations…and even though our situations are different because my dad is remarried and my biological mom moved away when I was young and we have kinda lost touch…i have to say that when my step mom saw the proof she started balling.  It meant more to her than I ever thought possible.) I think being a step parent is the hardest job in the world. They love you like you’re their own. .. but struggle between over stepping their boundaries and finding their place in your life. While I know that no one can replace your mom, I am guessing from your post that you mean more to your dad’s gf than you know.  Also, I would bet that your mom’s family wants nothing more than for you to be happy on your wedding day. Also, there are lots of ways you could honor and incorporate your mom in the ceremony…like her photo in your bouquet or have someone from her family do a reading etc. Either way, no matter what you chose, I am sure your wedding will be beautiful and your mom will be there in spirit.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My mother died, and there’s my father on my side.  On my FIs side there is his mother, father and step-mother.  In order to keep everything straight and not offend anyone we’re going with “The families of”  that way everyone is included and on equal footing.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2534 posts
    Sugar bee

    What about: You are invited to wedding of Mrs. Weatherbug, daughter of  the late (Mother’s name) and  (Dad’s name) & (Dad’s girlfriend’s name)

    Post # 10
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee

    I would go with together with their families. I just feel like that is the kindest to all parties. It is simple. I DID go very traditional and had it as my parent present with no mention of FI and I or FI’s parents – simply because my parents are paying for everything. But, honestly, that felt strange to word it like that too.

    Post # 12
    Member
    284 posts
    Helper bee

    Together with their families seems like a simple option, and perhaps during some of your speech during the reception you could do a verbal thank-you to all the parents and your father’s girlfriend, outlining some key things they contributed.

    I will be putting both our parents’ names, but my FI’s mom goes by her maiden name so that can sometimes be confusing and we wrestled with whether we’d just say ‘Together with their families’ or we’d put her under his father’s name, or under her maiden name.

    Stupid invitations, so tough to word 😛

    Post # 13
    Member
    9528 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I believe in KISS – Keep It Simple Stupid! So I voted “Together with their families”. That’s what my husband and I went with and since I have a mixed family, it just made life easier.

    Post # 14
    Member
    346 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    weatherbug that is so nice and kind of you to write your invites in such a way not to offend your dad’s girlfriend. My FI has three children and his oldest daughter and I did not have a good relationship for years although I will admit, (and you may not believe me) but I did everything in this world to be nice to her. She simply did not like me and tried everything in the world to split her father and I. It didn’t work. Anyways, when she got married the first time, she was really mean to me. Everybody and their dog had a corsage or a small flower except me. When we arrived at the venue, her father and I were asked to sit at least five rows back from where the wedding ceremony was being held. Her father and I had both gone to the bank and taken out a loan to give her a wedding gift. She never ever thanked me but thanked her father. It took years and alot of counseling on my part to come to terms with her. However, when she did grow up, married and had children, she completely changed and now her and I are on very good terms. Its now my turn to get married and believe me i have not forgotten how she treated me at her wedding. This being said, I’ve decided not to do anything that would hurt her on my big day and do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. Bygones are bygones and i’m just really happy that her and I get along today.

    Your dad’s girlfriend will notice everything you do to make her feel included in your wedding and I too suggest the wording Together with their families, etc etc.

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    Post # 15
    Member
    1649 posts
    Bumble bee

    weatherbug:  If you want to use the traditional formal wording, then you need to know that traditionally social parties must always be given by a lady, the only person who may co-host with a lady is her husband if she has one, and a wedding is given by the bride’s closest kinswoman or closest socially-established female friend if no kinswoman is available nor steps forward to give the party for the bride. Such a traditional formal invitation would read:

    Miss Dad’s Girlfriend

    requests the honour of the presence of

    Mr and Mrs Guest

    at the marriage of

    Miss Weather Bug

    daughter of Mr Dad Bug

    withMr Talland Handsome

    on Saturday the &tc

    If your mother went by her own name and you want to use her name on the invitation, you write “daughter of Mr Dad Bug and the late Ms. Mom Bug”; and if your future in-laws feel entitled to be named on the invitation too, you can put “son of Mr and Mrs In Laws” after his name. Neither the “daughter of” line, nor the “son of” line is mandatory, but it is the traditional way for a gentleman who is not married to “host” his daughter’s wedding: by asking some lady to host it on his behalf and paying all associated bills for the lady.

    Keep in mind that “hosting” and “paying” are not the same thing. When you name someone as host on the invitation, that person is putting their social reputation on the line along with a promise that they will make all decisions to ensure all guests’ safety, comfort, and entertainment while under their roof — even if someone else is paying the bills.  

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  .
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