The guestlist has been crazy. We had to make a few deciscions regarding letting certain people bring a guest. One of our friends we had put "Name and Guest" on the envelope not guestS<--. We got his RSVP back and it said THREE! How do I go about letting him know that three is not ok with us but in a nice way? I have a tendency to say it how it is. Our list is already out of control but it's more due to the family side than "friends." If we allow him to gring 2 guests that we don't know I'd rather invite someone we both know that didn't make the list. Thanks for your help guys!
You call him and say you only have room for two people, not four. The gall of some people is amazing, isn't it? If you feel the need to further explain to this incredibly rude person why he can't bring his mailman, the cashier at the grocery store, his second cousin once removed and his barber univited to your wedding, pass the blame off on the venue's space limitations.
Investigate who the third person is before jumping on him. For example, is he dating someone who has a kid (and the third person is the kid)? Then you can find a way to tailor your response to his circumstances.
I have a feeling it's his HS kids. Because when I emailed him asking for the correct spelling of his name he sent me a message back with his, his son's and daughter's. Now I know why. Adult kids = adult price. Grrrrrr!
I would e-mail or call and say, "Hi Friend, We got your RSVP today and were happy to see you were able to make it. However, we noticed you put 3 guests would be coming. When we sent your invitation, we put "Friend and Guest," singluar, because we only have space for you to bring one guest. I really wish we were millionaires and could rent a larger hall, but since we aren't, space is limited. I hope you understand. Give me a call if you want to talk about it. Thanks, NorCalBride"
Use the space excuse, because if you bring up money the person might offer to pay for guest #3- and that's not the point.
Good call rosychicklet. I've used the money as an excuse and yes just about everybody offered to pay for someone. It's usually someone we don't know or did want to invite at all. I will be using space b/c my FI and I need a BIG dance floor! LOL
i've been asked about dates already and i haven't even sent out invites! it's freakin annoying... i just tell them we have a rule of dates only if you're married, livng together, dating or intended life parterns (whatever that means). But honestly even if i was a trillionaire and had a big enough place i still wouldn't want some random people at my wedding. I'll much prefer to have something small, and i don't understand why people don't see that it's rude to just bring whoever the heck they want.... sorry i guess this wasn't advice, but i needed to vent on this as well...for the both of us :)
I think RosyChicklet is on the right track but I wouldn't mention money ("millionaires" part) to your friend - because then he might offer to pay and that is a discussion you probably don't want to have. I would just let him know its 1 guest, space is limited, and you are sorry you can't accomodate both kids. You don't really want to start talking costs with your guests....
This is tougher because it might damage his relationship with his kids if he chooses to bring one over the other. Then again, it might be no big deal (i.e., maybe one of the kids couldn't care less about coming). I would let him know about the space limitations and what you've budgeted for (him + 1 guest). Ask him if it's possible for him to bring only one guest. If he's really upset or seems like he might not come at all if he can't bring both kids (and if it's important to you that he come), you might offer to include the second guest pending someone else's "no" rsvp.
I think I would try to call and just say in as nice as possible of a way that due to space constraints, you guys right now can only guarantee him and his original guest a spot, but that maybe closer to the wedding date, if you have extra seats, there's a possibility he can bring his kids?
we had a similar situation, and at first, the person just decided they weren't going to come. but it wasn't in any kind of mean way, they just had company coming in that week and didn't feel comfortable leaving them alone. no hard feelings. it turned out that we ended up with an extra spot, and called them back a week before the wedding to let them know, so they all came in the end.
Believe me.. It would not be the end of the world if he didn't come. We became friends with this guy through another friend. My FI, who loves inviting anybody he makes eye contact with, invited him because he sees him around a lot. Great excuse right? ha ha Of course it also has to do with the whole not hurting feelings crap. Since when were guys butt hurt about not getting to go to a wedding? LOL I always hear guys complain and that they usually get "dragged" by their SOs. I had a crazy busy wedding filled day today so I will hopefully be in contact with him tomorrow. Thanks guys!
The guestlist has been crazy. We had to make a few deciscions regarding letting certain people bring a guest. One of our friends we had put "Name and Guest" on the envelope not guestS<--. We got his RSVP back and it said THREE! How do I go about letting him know that three is not ok with us but in a nice way? I have a tendency to say it how it is.
Our list is already out of control but it's more due to the family side than "friends." If we allow him to gring 2 guests that we don't know I'd rather invite someone we both know that didn't make the list. Thanks for your help guys!
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 3 months agoYou call him and say you only have room for two people, not four. The gall of some people is amazing, isn't it? If you feel the need to further explain to this incredibly rude person why he can't bring his mailman, the cashier at the grocery store, his second cousin once removed and his barber univited to your wedding, pass the blame off on the venue's space limitations.
posted by CarolineG 284 posts 3 months agoInvestigate who the third person is before jumping on him. For example, is he dating someone who has a kid (and the third person is the kid)? Then you can find a way to tailor your response to his circumstances.
posted by chelseamorning 200 posts 3 months agoCarolineG: LOL.... I don't think it's that bad.
I have a feeling it's his HS kids. Because when I emailed him asking for the correct spelling of his name he sent me a message back with his, his son's and daughter's. Now I know why. Adult kids = adult price. Grrrrrr!
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 3 months agoI would e-mail or call and say, "Hi Friend, We got your RSVP today and were happy to see you were able to make it. However, we noticed you put 3 guests would be coming. When we sent your invitation, we put "Friend and Guest," singluar, because we only have space for you to bring one guest. I really wish we were millionaires and could rent a larger hall, but since we aren't, space is limited. I hope you understand. Give me a call if you want to talk about it. Thanks, NorCalBride"
Use the space excuse, because if you bring up money the person might offer to pay for guest #3- and that's not the point.
posted by rosychicklet 302 posts 3 months agoGood call rosychicklet. I've used the money as an excuse and yes just about everybody offered to pay for someone. It's usually someone we don't know or did want to invite at all. I will be using space b/c my FI and I need a BIG dance floor!
LOL
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 3 months agoi've been asked about dates already and i haven't even sent out invites! it's freakin annoying... i just tell them we have a rule of dates only if you're married, livng together, dating or intended life parterns (whatever that means). But honestly even if i was a trillionaire and had a big enough place i still wouldn't want some random people at my wedding. I'll much prefer to have something small, and i don't understand why people don't see that it's rude to just bring whoever the heck they want.... sorry i guess this wasn't advice, but i needed to vent on this as well...for the both of us :)
posted by superstar 151 posts 3 months agoYeah... a horrible situation. I would just tell them one guest and thats it, don't feel bad its your wedding not a party for them.
I havn't sent my invitations yet and I'm already beginning to hate this "and guest" thing.
Good Luck!
posted by Kimbeerlee 99 posts 3 months agoI think RosyChicklet is on the right track but I wouldn't mention money ("millionaires" part) to your friend - because then he might offer to pay and that is a discussion you probably don't want to have. I would just let him know its 1 guest, space is limited, and you are sorry you can't accomodate both kids. You don't really want to start talking costs with your guests....
posted by Janna19 335 posts 3 months agoThis is tougher because it might damage his relationship with his kids if he chooses to bring one over the other. Then again, it might be no big deal (i.e., maybe one of the kids couldn't care less about coming). I would let him know about the space limitations and what you've budgeted for (him + 1 guest). Ask him if it's possible for him to bring only one guest. If he's really upset or seems like he might not come at all if he can't bring both kids (and if it's important to you that he come), you might offer to include the second guest pending someone else's "no" rsvp.
posted by chelseamorning 200 posts 3 months agoI think I would try to call and just say in as nice as possible of a way that due to space constraints, you guys right now can only guarantee him and his original guest a spot, but that maybe closer to the wedding date, if you have extra seats, there's a possibility he can bring his kids?
we had a similar situation, and at first, the person just decided they weren't going to come. but it wasn't in any kind of mean way, they just had company coming in that week and didn't feel comfortable leaving them alone. no hard feelings. it turned out that we ended up with an extra spot, and called them back a week before the wedding to let them know, so they all came in the end.
posted by daffodil 65 posts 3 months agoBelieve me.. It would not be the end of the world if he didn't come. We became friends with this guy through another friend. My FI, who loves inviting anybody he makes eye contact with, invited him because he sees him around a lot. Great excuse right? ha ha Of course it also has to do with the whole not hurting feelings crap. Since when were guys butt hurt about not getting to go to a wedding? LOL I always hear guys complain and that they usually get "dragged" by their SOs. I had a crazy busy wedding filled day today so I will hopefully be in contact with him tomorrow. Thanks guys!
posted by NorCalBride 307 posts 3 months ago