(Closed) How do my vows sound? proof read, rewording, corrections…

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

We had a rough start in the beginning, but it was worth the wait and the headaches you gave me.

I wouldn’t change or trade my past for anything in the world because it led me here today, standing in front of the man I’m in love with.

I promise to always love you, be there for you and to make you laugh… even though I’m not always trying to make you laugh on purpose.

I went home with butterflies in my stomach after our first date, feeling so happy and excited. And to this day those feelings haven’t left me.

Truly, words can’t express how much I love and appreciate you, but I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me.

You have made me the happiest woman I can be and for that I will make you the happiest man you can be. I love you Zinger.

 


That should do it! I majored in English in university lol hopefully I didn’t miss anything!

ETA: Just whatever you do, don’t say ’til this day’ – because you’re basically saying you loved him UNTIL this day. You really mean ‘to this day’.

Post # 4
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

Oh, very nice.  A few things, if I may suggest?


We had a rough start in the beginning, but it was worth the wait and the headaches you gave me (maybe different wording, sounds like criticism, maybe “trials”). I wouldn’t change or trade my (the) past for anything in the world because it lead me hear (here) today, standing in front of the man I’m in love with I love. I promise to always love you, be there for you and to make you laugh. Even though I’m not always trying to make you laugh on purpose. (inside joke. I’m clumsy, lol) I went home with butterflies in my stomach after our first date, feeling so happy and excited. And til (’till) this day those feelings haven’t left me. Truly words can’t express how much I love and appreciate you, but I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me. You have made me the happiest woman I can be and for that I will maje (make) you the happiest man you can be. I love you Zinger. 



Post # 9
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

I think mentionning that he was the cause of your headaches and whatnot is a little awkward.

Post # 11
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the other bees have done an amazing job, but I just have one suggestion:  If you are set on mentioning how you had a rocky start, maybe consider putting a nice comment in there first so you don’t jump right into something not-so-lovedovey!

 

 

Nice job!

Post # 12
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee

@echolove:  Oh ok, in that case then it’s cute lol I was thinking it was meant in a negative way

Post # 13
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

Here’s my take. I underlined the errors or parts that I disliked, and my suggestions are italicized:

We had a rough start in the beginning, but it was worth the wait and the headaches (change this…I like the suggestion of “trials”) you gave me (include a “we”; how about “we faced?“. I wouldn’t change or trade my past for anything in the world because it lead me hear (here) today, standing in front of the man I’m in love with. (sounds a bit vague IMO; perhaps add something with “profess” or “vow”)

I promise to always love you, be there for you and to make you laugh. Even though I’m not always trying to make you laugh on purpose.(I’d make this more concise; “to make you laugh, even when I’m not trying?”) (inside joke. I’m clumsy, lol) I went home with butterflies in my stomach after our first date, feeling so happy and excited. And untilnthis day, those feelings haven’t left me (remain unchanged?). Truly Words can’t express how much I love and appreciate you, but I will spend the rest of my life showing you how much you mean to me. 


You have made me the happiest woman I can be, and for that I will make you the happiest man you can be. I love you Zinger. 

 

Post # 16
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

@echolove:  You’re very welcome. I love editing; as a journalism major who waffles between journalism and technical writing, it comes pretty naturally. 🙂

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