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No, really. I honestly don't know how people afford kids. I want one, don't get me wrong. I want one NOW, actually, which is why I'm thinking about stuff like this. We make enough money, I guess. We're fine. But... throw an extra person or two in there... EEK.
I have friends from high school that make less than hubs and I do, and they have four kids and go on vacation every year. WE never go on vacation - how do they do it??
I'm very, very serious - how do you afford kids?
Okay, so there's nothing I'm missing? I feel like there's some parental secret I just don't know about yet!! Lol!
I don't think there is ever a "good time" you could always be MORE financially stable or MORE something else!
I think you just have to make it a priority and go for it!
If you make it a priority you will make the sacrifices to make it work!
Somehow it works. You make plenty of financial adjustments by changing your lifestyle and spending habits. Shop sales,make meals stretch,don't go out much! and SAVE for vacations. Kids are expensive,that's for sure,but it won't get any cheaper the longer you wait! lol
Lol! I think that a lot of parents just sacrifice what they want/need for themselves so they can buy the stuff the kids want/need. To this day, my mom has such a problem spending money on herself because she spent 20 or 30 years budgeting all of the money so it went to us kids instead of to her and my dad.
they probably don't eat out very much, reuse a ton of stuff around the house, stretch their food.. But everyone's right - there's never a perfect time to have kids! People make it work, and it's worth it when they do..
@smyley - I'm finding that out! I don't see any reason to wait any longer!
@Future Mrs. Martin - I've heard that a lot - that there never is a "right" time, except for when it's right for you! I'm just sooo worried
My BIL and his wife are very poor. Not because they work their asses off, but because they are lazy and 50% of them is still on unemployment. That said, they have 2 children; 10 and 13. They have very generous grandparents who give them everything. The rest is the occasional handout from a family member. But, they get by...
Pick up a copy of this month's REAL SIMPLE. There's an article on 'Save $5k a year'. I already do several of the things they suggest, but perhaps you and your husband aren't. The basic point is that by making lots of tiny cut backs, you'll have enough. I guess it depends on how extravagant you're living right now.
@poli - thanks! I will go pick that up. We're really good at saving if we have a goal, but we are pretty frivolous (starbucks, etc) and that stuff has to go, babies or not. I guess we'll just have to give up a lot of selfish indulgences! We won't have grandparent help, so it's all on us!
We are trying to figure out how to afford kids as well. We have a new puppy so that's a start!!
All I know is when I told my dad that the DH wanted to wait until we had enough money to have kids, his response was "if you want until you have enough money you will NEVER have kids"
Well, I wonder this constantly! I have friends who make less money than Cam and I combined and have one or two kids and seem to get on just fine - I'm finding out it really is the little things - they don't have the "little" treats anymore - the difference is what we see of our friends and how they actually live their lives. MY family was very poor growing up - but we went on day trips and such ... we packed our meals when we went and we went to free locations. If we went to an amusement park it was somewhere that you don't pay for admission. It's funny, because I had a great childhood, and everyone's right ... it will NEVER be the "right" time financially!
We are going to start trying to get pregnant by the end of 2010 and I know my husband is worried about how we'll afford it. I'm ever the optimistic and I know we'll make it some how!
Ugh I know. One of our salaries is equivalent, to, say, two teachers' salaries, and I don't know how we'd get by on ONLY one salary with kids...and i Know PLLENTY of people do it. Wtf?!
I asked my mother this. She said you don't really. You just make ends meet where they can and enjoy the occasional surplus that shows up. I'm the youngest of six. There was always a lot of sharing, reusing, borrowing, hand-me-downs etc. My mother used to whip through the Sunday paper coupon section like a ninja. We did eat out every so often as a treat, but were more likely to bbq and picnic.
Find places with layaway, use local resale shops for gently-used items. It seems like there isn't necessarily a huge focus on acquiring more as there is making the most of what you already have.
@Ross - gah, is that a weimaraner? Adorable!
@iswim - Yeah, I think so too. And that is one thing we are definitely trying to eliminate!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one... think about it - I won't get paid time off for maternity leave (thanks, crappy company), and his salary alone won't cut it. Plus, the cost of daycare? Ouch.
Maybe it's time for a dog or cat.
We grew up with 7 kids. etting hand-me-downs was something we became really accostumed to. We even looked forward to it after a while.
I think my parents were crazy to ahve so many kids but I somehow things all worked out.
@Laylabelle - he is a weim and his name is Bauer. We named him after Jack Bauer from 24. That is my favorite show and he was born Sept. 24th!
God, and I'm scared to have one!!
I'm trying to remember what it was like - we were poor/average, but I think I assumed everyone else was too. I didn't have to wear hand me downs because my sister was seven years older than me. I know my mom cut coupons and we got a box of cereal each that had to last, etc. We never went on vacations. And she was a single mom with three kids and a crappy salary, so I guess if she can do it, I can do it!
Right? I can do it?
@Ross - omg my husband would love THAT! Jack Bauer (albeit fictional) is his favorite person in the world. Just, don't tell him he's fictional.... it would really mess up his world.
We have three kids (my soon to be step children) and bills, two cars, school loans, birthdays, weddings, christmas, holidays, vacation to the shore every summer, saving for our own wedding, honeymoon...its crazy but I love it and we do it pretty well...not to brag! Sometimes it can be tough and you just say hey so and so is just getting a nice birthday card this year or so and so is just getting 10 bucks for Christmas this year! You can only do what you can do. And this so and so's are other people not the kids! HEHE! We always make sure the kids come first and have everything they need...and we had an awesome Christmas this yr thanks to saving and over time and good jobs. Tough but good jobs! There is no secret...you plan...you save...you do! Good luck! I cant say that I know what its like to raise babies...I wish I was there when they were babies...but at any age kids are expensive. You have piano practice, football practice, cheerleading, college, school trips, movies, sleepovers, birthday parties, eye glasses, doctor visits....
Even after they are 18 mom and dad are still there for them and always will be when they need us.
charge it! lol I believe that's the most common approach when adding little one's to the family. That's the only way most families can do vacations or Christmas! Of course you have you're occasionally family that's just very thrifty but most.. credit cards sho nuff!
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God what a great question – the future hubs and I talk about this ALL.THE.TIME.
We individually each make over the national *household* average, although we are not wealthy by any stretch of anyone’s imagination. We can barely afford the lifestyle we live now, which isn’t extravagant. We don’t eat out a lot, though we do eat well. We drive ’03 and ’05 cars (aka, not brand new), and I don’t rock a LV purse.
My friend has 2 kids and she and her hubs make together less than what I make alone. How do they do it? I’ve no idea.
I’m sure once we have a child, we’ll drink less ($$ wine), eat cheaper, and try to consolidate all of our loans and debts. But still…I worry about college, braces, music lessons, medical bills…I ask my friend, she just shrugs. College is far off. Deal with those things when they happen.
I’m almost having an anxiety attack thinking about it! :)
I have to say if anything stay away from credit cards! I think thats the worse plan..sorry! It just puts you in more debt and most ppl end in backruptcy that way...spell check! I just dont think its smart to charge or to have a lot of credit cards. If you can afford it with your own cash then dont do it. Why would you want to rack up credit cards and debt. Maybe have one emergency credit card...or two...but no more. Dont eat out a lot, dont go crazy on partying or other peoples birthdays, care for your kid and your family and do what you need to and still have a good time and go on vacation by saving.
I'm with you, D. Marie - I don't want to (and don't) use credit unless I absolutely have to. I'm actually in the process of trying to pay off our debt.
PS...dont save for college...your kid will be better off and so will you by using that money on things today and tomorrow...save for a car, save for an emergency. My fiances kid is in college and gets a lot of state grants and loans. I know everyone would love to save for their kid...but if you really cant, then you cant. Your kid will get grants, scholarships, loans, etc.
Thats great Layla! :) I dont even have one...and my fiance only has one.
Scrimping. At least, that's how my parents afforded it. With a pastor for a dad, we did NOT have a lot of money when I was a kid. My mom is the type who washes out the margarine tub after it's empty though instead of buying tupperwear. Our clothes were always bought off season on clearance. We NEVER ate out (seriously - for our birthdays we got to go out and it was a huge deal, because the only other time we saw the inside of a restaurant was when we stayed with Grandma), and never threw out leftovers. I wore my brothers' hand me down snow boots. We took piano lessons because my grandparents gave us a piano, and didn't get to take other lessons because we couldn't afford the instruments.
Someone said priorities above, and there's something to that, I think. It isn't that the things my parents spent money on before they had kids (or now that we're both out of college) weren't/aren't important, it's just that when they had to stretch, anything that wasn't a necessity went by the wayside.
I was raised in a family of 4 kids and somehow we always made it. There were lots of scholarships and grants. I never felt like we were poor, but I can't believe the sometimes small amount of money we survived on. The parents made it work somehow. I think their strong faith helped them feel like something would always come through in the time of need.
We're preparing for our little one by working our butts off and saving like crazy. Double income is really going to help us!
I too wonder this often. I think really is a case of "making it work with what you've got". As far as vacas go... think about things that you do without kids, like going out to eat or buying a new dress just because, many parents sacrifice these things.= regularly.
My brother has 4 kids on 1 salary, and while I'm sure he makes at least close to 6 figures the numbers just don't add up. Given where they live, how they live and the fact that the kids don't do hand me downs and are always in brand new clothes. I always see his wife (my SIL) posting on Facebook about drinking wine, going out to dinner, hosting a Bday party, etc. And she is always dressed in a brand new frock every time I see her.
They just did an very expensive addition to their house which is large and in a great, expensive neighborhood. My Mom recently admitted to me that she and my Dad do help them out, way more than they are comfortable with. That makes me a little angry b/c FI and I work our butts off, live beneath our means and don't ask for a thing. AND we've decided not to have kids and one of the big reasons is the expense.
I also think a lot of families live on credit cards and take out bigger mortgages than they can afford.
Definitely don't charge it!!
The best way to afford kids is to find ways to cut back. If cutting back the little things isn't enough, that usually means reducing your quality of living (at least, until your wages come up!).
The other option is for one of you to increase your income... even a part time job will greatly increase your family's take-home income, since you're already covering your monthly expenses so it is "pure profit".
Mr.Bee - great advice! Way to go!
moderndaisy - I'm sorry to hear that you guys seem to have made a decision based on things that you don't have and your brother seems to have! It's good your parents opened up to you! Have you and your fiance decided never to have kids or just for the time being?
Yea I don't know. If you look at national stats, the average family of four makes something like 40-50K. My FI and I each make more than this, and we're still not exactly rolling in it! my guess is.. you just make it work!
we dont' have kids, YET, but our main plan is to live in a house that we could afford on just his income....while I'm working, we have extra $ to invest, pay ahead on student loans, and do house projects...unless you live in a big city, I think you should be careful getting a mortgage/rent, that you can only afford if both of you are working in your career (as opposed to an emergency min. wage job).
My sister has 2 kids, and her and her hubby make very little, and now they are fostering 3! They mostly cook at home and don't drink. Lots of meals that are pre-made are a lot cheaper if you make from scratch, so you can figure out some easy cheap meals, like the ones from Rachel Rae.
Plus, when you are pregnant and have kids, you willl save $ from not going out and not drinking.
Unfortunately, I know people who live above their means w/ credit cards and now have 2 kids and are totally stressed out about having NO $.
I've been a single mom for some time. My FI helps me out financially now with my son but in the beginning, it was just me. I can't tell you for sure how I made/make it work but there are things I notice I do. (Hope you guys don't think i'm a crappy mom, but I go to school, and try to work and support us both on only my salary so i do what i have to!) so here it is:
His winter clothes, i make into summer clothes. He grows so fast, long ways, but stays pretty close to the same round ways (plus his clothes are elastic waists!) So, i cut his pants into shorts, his long sleeve shirts into t-shirts and tanks.
When I buy him new clothes, i go to target and buy off the clearance rack. I think the most i have paid for something is MAYBE $5.
Buy diapers in bulk at Costco, and their brand. i've done the math many times and it does save money! Plus I buy wipes there in bulk because they always have the coupons to buy one get one 1/2 or free and stuff like that.
Feed him cheap food. Macaroni, soup, things I can make lots of and freeze for later. I also let him eat first and then I'll eat what is left. Making sure my boys belly is full! :)
I don't shop for myself or buy coffees and stuff like that. I've cut back like crazy on how and where i spend my money. I'll pay for all his stuff first and then what is left can go to me.
I always say, you just make it work. When you have to, you will! It all works out and figures itself out in the end :)
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