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Why are you even in contact with these people? They sound terrible. If those were my parents, I would have cut all contact with them years ago. But, better late than never I guess. There isn't a relationship to salvage--just minimize contact with them and if they push, FI can explain to them that you don't want to have people like them at your wedding. They are his family, he needs to deal with them.
@Tfor2: Hmmm this is tricky but it doesnt have to be. How far away do they live from you?
Because you could give them a far off date like December 2014 to "save up money" but really get married like Decemeber 2012. KEEP EVERYTHING OFF FACEBOOK.
Do you have mutual people who would run and tell them about the wedding? Do not invite them. Plan your wedding, keeping the date secret to only those you want there.
Just lie about the date and keep everything off facebook. Seriously.
Also, have the wedding at a prive place like a winery or someone's back yard. That way they can not tresspass. I know the winerys here offer "intimate" wedding settings for people with 50 or less guests. Look into it!
Good luck dear! It isn't that hard when you think about it. Give them a false date, like 2 years from now, and then don't answer their calls about anything. Be prepared for SIL to "offer" her son as a ring bearer *barf*
I'm not sure how to avoid inviting a whole family, but... My mother was not invited to my wedding, and I wrote her a letter a couple weeks before the date to explain to her why and make clear that I didn't want her there. She never found out the date or location-- or else she would have come anyway.
It's difficult not to let the details get around, but maybe if you're really careful they won't know when/where it is to crash it. I would let them know they are not invited, though.
ETA: And make sure that other people know they aren't invited. My family members didn't want to know the details so they wouldn't have the information to accidently share with my mother. I really appreciated their efforts in understanding.
WHAT? She wants you to sleep with her?
This sounds insane. You could always have a small wedding, or you could just create some distance and invite them like you would any other guest without letting them be involved.
I really don't nkow.
These people sound horrible. I don't see why you don't stick to your plans and just NOT tell them about the wedding. And make sure no one tells them the details of your wedding so they can't crash. I don't think you should change any of your plans for the sake of their feelings. You don't owe them a thing! Not even an excuse as to why they are not invited. Kharma will get them some day...
Wow! I never expected so many replies.
Thank you all for taking the time to reply.
And yes, she wants me to sleep with her...and she has also grabbed my FI's luggage in the past. She seriously needs help. And she does this while sober...imagine if she was drunk?
Haven't decided yet, but after I wrote down the costs for different sized weddings I let him read it...he was flabergasted. He had no idea. lol So we're thinking we might do the "elope style" wedding.
I read some of these replies to him during his coffee break...all he could say was wow. He knew his family was like that, but he never REALLY knew until I read it out loud to him, know what I mean?
Anyway, thanks again to all.
Why not call off your engagement on facebook say something like you realised you should wait for financial reasons. Im sure your FI's SIL will be happy hearing that then once the wedding is done say your FI romantically surprised you it was just you and witnesses. Or tell them the truth that you didn't want them to ruin it
ELOPE. Go somewhere, just the two of you, a destination wedding. When you get back, your family/friends can have an engagement/celebration party (a reception, feel free to chip in, just don't mention to HIS family that you're chipping in). Then you get to celebrate with your loved ones, but since you're not hosting, you don't have to invite anyone from his side.
I'm so sorry that you are forced to go thru that. I am in a similar situation with my dad's side of the family. There are one or two people from his side that I wouldn't have minded coming but I'm afraid they are going to run their mouth to others and it will be found out and I will have 50+ more people than I expected to be there. I'm just telling them that we are considering a destination wedding and thats all I'm giving them. I can't even tell my dad where I plan on having my wedding. He will not know at all because he will try to invite them. My mother is aware of this situation (they never liked me or her but they will come for free food) so she will not tell my dad either. He won't know till he gets there where we are having it.
I'm sorry but if these family members wouldn't support you marrying your FI, why are you facebook friends with them? Cut them out and make sure you end up with the wedding that you want! You don't need extra stress.
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Not exaclty sure how to phrase this, but...my in-laws to be are monsters!
I think my future hubby has figured this out already. lol
He hasn't even told his family that he's asked me...not because he doesn't love me or that he isn't proud and excited, but rather because he knows that his brother and sister-in-law don't like me...and the feeling is mutual. He says that he wishes that I had never posted our engagement on FB because his mom saw it. He says that he was hoping that he could have lied to them and told them that we had eloped at Christmas time or something. He wants to have a small to mid-size wedding, but with only our friends and my family in attendance. I have now blown that for him/us.
These are a few of the reasons we don't want them at the wedding: His SIL threw a fit a few years ago and told me that she wished my baby was dead because the son that she had with my future BIL should be the only grandchild and inherit everything. She figures ( for some odd reason) that these people are billionaires or something. She was very upset and said that it wasn't fair, as my future hubby should not be allowed to be happy. When my fiance had an accident last summer and was in ICU, they told us that he wasn't going to make it. I was prego at the time and she stood there in ICU demanding that I have an abortion! I ended up losing the baby due to stress...made her very happy. She told me 6 years ago that I would NEVER be a part of their family...that he would never marry me, and that she would see to it that it didn't happen.
She's the world's biggest brown noser and has my future MIL convinced that she's a perfect angel...they all believe her because her hubby is their favorite son. These people will travel around the world to be with their baby boy for HIS birthday, and they treat it like the world's biggest holiday...it's sickening. They NEVER come over for my fiance's Bday...or call...or anything. Our son ( their second grandson/grandchild ) is barely recognised by them. It's not because he was born out of wedlock...their first (and only other) grandson was born that way too.
I really don't like these people, but I respect the fact that they are his family. So how do we NOT invite them? We've been talking about this like crazy and we can't think of a way to get around it now that his mom knows. We can't go with his original plan of getting married and then telling them it was a spur of the moment thing...I don't like to lie anyway, and I don't feel like I should have to...but he's kind of weak, and I really don't feel that I have a say...YET!
These people don't get along with our freinds either. His SIL has tried to sleep with each and every one of them...this is why I don't get along with them. They have both claimed in the past to have an open marriage...each to their own I guess...but every time she's around she tries to sleep with EVERYONE! Male...female...it doesn't matter to her. This is where their hatred for me comes in. #1...I won't sleep with her. #2...she constantly asks me to ask other people if they think she's "hot" and if they'll sleep with her. As always, things will back fire...and I end up in the middle, getting all the blame. I have told her that I will no longer get caught up in their little games...and I have no idea what she's told her MIL, because that woman constantly tells me that I HAVE to be nice and do things for the future SIL.
So....anyone know any good stories to tell them to avoid the inevitable "why weren't we invited?"lol