@SeaSalt: this wasn’t in ‘his’ past but ours. He has clearly lied but then says he isn’t lying. When he stood me up, it was in our relationship (and yes, I should have finished with him then but he vowed it happened innocently even tho i knew better, i gave him a second chance).
He cut her off but I accidently met up with her since.
he said she was only a friend but you don’t completely cut off friends and she kept sending invites. He said a few things later that meant he still wanted to be friends, I said ok. We were going to her place and then he decided not to go. It would have been the first time I met her. So it strongly appeared he didn’t want me to meet her (we were engaged at that time).
Yes I have tried to talk to him many times, he yells he just wants her out of our life …..she’s NOT in it! Why carry on like this over just a friend.
I was shreading old bills recently and on one of his I saw a phone call he made to me at nearly 3 am (it was only one time he did that) I was due to get up for work at 5.30 am. He said he just couldn’t sleep. this was a couple of months into our relationship> But I then saw where he made the pc from and it was from her area, not where he lived.
She has drinks nights during the week but he didn’t tell me he was going and didn’t tell me he was there when he called, in fact I only found out a week ago. He said he went for a drinks night and others were there, but when I had got to meet her (alone) she invited me twice (he knew I went) and everyone was leaving just after 11.
He has always been upset, telling me how much he loves me BUT I do not believe I am being told the whole truth and he continues to deny anything. We are to get married in 8 weeks and it has all come up in me, especialy when I think about taking vows. The thing is, that I know if therewas something he COULD’NT tell me now because he has said different for so long.
A friend of mine said ‘you could be calling off the wedding and it might have been nothing, he loves you so much now’, I said that having these questions isn’t nothing. Just finding out he was at anothe womans place at 3 am isn’t nothing just because it was earlier in our relationship. I can’t feel that it’s ok that he lied then but not now. I told him the wedding is off last night because I don’t know what to believe and that these were indiscretions no matter what. If he could lie back then he could lie now or in the future. I am so very upset, I can’t think.
The reason i said i want to ask the girl, is because it happened to someone I know of. This girl told her 7 months after she was married and said if you had asked me I would have told you. She was saying to me, you have a right to ask , she may not know you are concerned so would say nothing but if you ask her, she should understand that you don’t want to walk down the isle with that question. If there was nothing, she will feel good about being the one who can put your mind to rest, or at least let you know the truth if other wise. If she tells you nothing happened, she has saved you from canceling your wedding. IDK I am so upset not knowing and feeling like a fool. I am just thinking of canceling the wedding altogether and leaving him. i can’t go into a marriage with these feelings of uncertainty and my FI is devastated right now too.