Post # 1
ok here is my problem Fi is the youngest of 4
his father passed when he was 14
his father was not a nice man but fi has very strong emotional ties to his dad.
there is at least one more family of half siblings in the town.
so as you can imagine the rest of his family do not really want any reference to fi dad in our wedding
fi strongly does. his mum and sister have both expressed their feelings strongly on the situation
so how do we deal with the situation correctly? we are paying for the wedding ourselves and i am the first normally to say “its our day” etc etc but i dont want to offend everyone
I wondered if fi when he arrives at church could place 2 white roses on the alter one for his dad and one for my grandmother who i adored miss so much.
if anyone asked he could just say they were for us noone but us need know.
what do you think
Post # 3
@LauraBenbow71: I like the roses idea. Also, look into bouquet charms, it’s a discreet way to honour those who were important to you as a couple. I know I’m planning on having one for my grandfather and one for my grandmother, both of whom passed away.
Post # 4
If that is all you wanted to do, I dont see why you couldnt answer honestly if asked about it. It would totally take away from it if you lied about it imo. I was thinking you wanted to put mention of him in the programs or a empty seat or rememberance table at the reception. If it is something as simple and discrete as the roses, and people cant deal with that… I dont know, I dont know how anyone would have a problem with that!
Post # 5
we are honoring our family members that have passed by putting their names in the program. Im also having small charms made with their pictures in the charms which will be sewn into my bouquet. So no one besides me will really be able to see the charms. No one has a problem with anyone we’re honoring, but if you wanted to do it kind of discreetly you could use the charm idea maybe. It would be kind of private just for you.
Post # 6
I think the roses are a nice idea. Or you could also have a flower and/or candle at either the church or reception, with a note that the flowers are in honor of those who could not be here today.
Post # 7
@pinkshoes: fi wanted an empty chair and a mention for loved ones passed but it was unaceptable to his family
i dont know why we cant put something in the back of the OOS
Post # 8
The roses are a pretty subdued way to honor a memory. His family should be able to accept this rememberance, as it won’t actually be broadcast to all in attendance. You know you FILs – whether or not you and FI tell them of your plan in advance depends on the reaction the two of you anticipate.
In addition he may wish to carry a photo of his father – in his pocket, or incorporated into his apparel, and you may wish to carry one of your grandmother – as a charm on your bouquet, or sewn into the lining of your dress. Those photos can be completely private, even your mothers’ don’t need to know about them, if you wish to keep them under wraps for one reason or another. (I’ll be keeping the photo of my grandfather out of sight because his passing is recent, and I don’t want to distress my grandmother.)