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My FI and I are having a little trouble handling our finances. I'm the type of person who would give my last cent to someone if they needed it and/or if I could last to the next paycheck without it. My FI however, is pretty strict with his money and is very hestitant to combine finances. Don't get me wrong, he has helped me when I needed it, but he also doesn't let me forget it. If I owe him money, it's a big deal. If it's flipped around, not so much. He tries everything possible to convince me he doesn't owe as much as I tell him he does at which point I have to prove to him that he does by detailing exactly what I gave him. (He always pays me back the full amount but not without the Are you sure? bits). The sad part is, he's the one who comes from the wealthier family and although we're both still in college and work together, he's able to work more hours which means he makes more than me. The money issue has caused it's fair share of arguments between us.
Anyways, today I finally convinced him to open a joint account this weekend with a % of each of our paychecks that we'll use to pay for bills, groceries, etc. while we keep our current personal accounts for our own personal spending. I think it's very fair and since we aren't getting married until November, it gives a chance to test drive combining finances. Is this a good idea? How have you handled your finances with your fiance?
That's exactly how we handle it. We each have our own accounts and deposit part of our paycheck into a joint account for rent, groceries, weekends away, anything we do together. We both are pretty lacksidasical (woah, spelling?) about who owes what and we've never worried about who owes more or whatever. We don't have big expenses yet though. I'm sure once we have mortgages, kids, etc. We'll have to pay more attention to what money we spend where but this is good to get us used to sharing expenses until then.
I'd be a crabby girl if my fiance ragged on me for oweing him money. FI and I haven't combined accounts or even talked about it. He makes WAY more money than I and pretty much supports me. I pay my car payment, ins, our combined phone bill, and credit cards. He pays everything else. Occasionally, if I have enough money I will pay the cable bill or the water bill. I also keep one of his debit cards in my purse or one of his check books. I am a lucky lucky girl!
We do have a bit of combined debt though. We are actually starting the Dave Ramsey; Finacial Peace program. I'm really excited about it and I think it will change our current money system.
Currently we don't live together, so we have separate accounts. When we get married we plan on opening a joint account, but keeping separate accounts as well. We will deposit all money into the joint account and then a small (equal) percentage will be put in our separate accounts for "spending" money. All of the bills will be paid from the joint account. That way its "our money" paying for the necessities, not "his" or "mine"
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It's funny, I was just having this talk with my friend and her colleagues the other day. They were saying how they really prefer a shared acct. for bills, etc. And they were commenting on how to classify items as "shared" items or "personal" items. This conversation just makes my eyes cross. I don't think that money should be an issue in a relationship. That each person earns what they earn and pays for what they CAN pay for. It so happens that my FI earns more than me and so he pays for more stuff than me. I've got my own bills like student loans that he never pays a penny for, and I think that this is fair. We never keep tabs of who owes how much to the other. In fact, I encourage him to help himself to my cash whenever he wants and not to pay me back bc I know that he does pay for so many of the larger expenses. I don't think in terms of "my" money, but "our" money bc we are in a serious relationship and have bought a flat together, furnished the house, etc. and plan on spending our life together.
This is a touchy subject and something you NEED to sort out before you get married. A lot of people have issues with finances and it can break up marriages if you don't see eye to eye on how things should be done.
My husband and I lived together for about 6 months before we got married. At this time we opened up a joint account and a joint credit card. All of our income goes into the joint account and all of our bills get paid out of that. We each transfer a set amount out of the joint account at the begining of the month for our own personal expenses (for me - clothing, lunches/dinners out with friends, make-up, etc!) everything else comes out of our joint account. As a married couple there is no my money and his money it's all our money.
Besides the fact that I make more $$ than the hubby, he also has to pay child support, so a third of his pay check is gone before he even sees it. He is also horrible at money management.
That being said, we both have our own seperate accounts. We have a joint account also, where his paycheck is direct deposited into. I pretty much pay all of the house bills with my paycheck (mortage, electric, gas, water, etc), and we use his paycheck for groceries and "fun" stuff. I also pay his bills with his paycheck (his student loans and such). Now with the wedding done an over with, we are both going to contribute to our joint savings account for future events (new house or baby).
Right now we keep our accounts separate. We alternate paying the rent and split some of the other bills. It's not exactly even, but it seems pretty fair. I would like to get a joint account soon (we marry in 9 weeks) but we're still working on the details of how that would work. He's in finance, so he'll probably make it more complicated than I would prefer.
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We have our separate accounts for personal use (I have never believed in 100% pooling your money together) and having a joint account to do "joint" things with, like bills, outings, vacations, etc. But this way I have my money for shopping, he has his for whatever, and we can buy each other presents without it being a surprise, and since we make approximately the same amount of money, it's not really an issue. I've known too many people who pool it all together, and then one person plans on leaving the other, takes all the money, and then that's it because you legally have no rights to get it back. Sooooo, I like my own personal fund. Plus i have a jewelery obsession =]
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We're not able to have a joint account because of us/uk stuff, but once we're able to thats what we plan on doing. Neither of us is picky about who pays for what, we just always say "what's mine is yours". Since he's has a job at the moment and I don't he pays for most things and I focus on paying my credit card/ student loans/health insurance.
We just sat down last night and tracked all the purchases so far for the month of March and it was pretty scary but neccessary. Neither of us has been great about budgeting but now we need to start saving for our combined goals (paying for visas etc). I've heard alot of Dave Ramsey praise, I'll have to check him out!
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I too fall in the category of sep and joint accounts... we each have our own accounts and then we just opened a joint account when we started planning for the wedding to pay for those things.. I have full access to my accounts and our joint account so I tend to flip flop $$ around depending on where its needed, if I have some extra I will just transfer it into our joint account.. he on the other hand keeps what he needs to pay for bills, etc. and deposits the remaining into the joint. Its what works for us 
.. I do have to say I am one that doesnt like the idea of only having a joint account.
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We have a joint account. I turn all my money over to him in a sense! HAHA. He is better with money. But we both sit down and work out the bill and what we are spending. We learned early on that we both had strong and weak points when dealing with money. So when we combined them it works out well.
I think that this has helped us so much. Because we have had to work through the money fights. So when being married comes around there is no change.
Right now we have separate accounts for everything but the wedding. We split the rent and the utilities and we buy our own groceries (but make sure we split the stuff for our dinners). However, once the wedding rolls around we have plans to add his name to the wedding account (currently it's in my name because I opened it while he was in class on a Saturday) and share our finances.
As other posters have said, and I'm sure you know, money is definitely something you want to talk about before the wedding. Figure out where your comfort levels are and what you'll do as far as accounts, bills, etc go. Good luck!
Miss Golden - you defintely need to sit with your FH and come up with a clear financial plan for when you are married. Both of you need to decide if you want seperate accounts, one joint or all joint. I am surprised he still feels you two "owe" each other money. Does he plan on keeping that sentiment after you are married? If so, it doesn't sound like you are OK with that.
There are a lot of threads on Weddingbee about this subject so spend some time searching around to see many many opinions. I think it's great you posted this and that you are thinking about it.
and for another reference, we will be all joining accounts about 5 mos before our wedding. I won't list how who pays for what here b/c it's kind of long but let's just say that we give each other money all the time to cover bills if one of us is short at the end of the month. We definitely subscribe to the "what's mine is your's" line of thinking.
Totally separate, but we don't live together.
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For us, it was difficult to figure out how to pay the bills together in a sense. So we decided we would just pool our money together in a joint account, while still having seperate accounts for our personal budget. We pay bills out of our joint, take out weekly allowance, and the rest is for our savings.
We have a joint account that all our money directly deposits into. From there we pay all our bills. This has worked out well for us since we bought our home oct. 07. FI does have his own seperate checking as well, but doesn't do much out of it. I figured we're getting married anyway- what's my is his, what's his is mine. So we together make sure all the bills are paid. We don't spend much on ourselves since we really don't have the money to, so that hasn't been an issue so much. We do have our own credit cards (but they get paid out of the joint checking anyway! ;) We also have our seperate savings and a joint savings.
I'm with the few other girls here who don't live with their fiance, so I can't answer your poll...We're planning to combine our money completely when we're married. When we were dating my fiance payed for almost everything between the two of us, and now my fiance is in grad school and I'm working, so I pay for a lot.
It may be that your fiance likes the freedom of his own money, which (depending on your stance about sharing finances) could turn into a big issue when you're married if you have certain expectations. I definitely think this is something you guys need to work out before marrigae, whether or not you test drive it or not (I personally think a conversation about it would work just as well). Is he willing to completely combine finances when you are married? Is the set up you guys have worked out for now what he wants to continue using (i.e. you both keep your own separate accounts for personal spending money, etc)
You should probably both come up with your own expectations and then sit down and discuss them. Are you planning to be involved in any sort of pre-marital counseling? Money is usually a big topic in a counseling setting and it may be helpful to ahve a third party help your sort out your thoughts about it.
We live together and share expenses, etc, but we have separate bank accounts for convenience's sake: He works near his bank, I work near mine. Our money is basically 100% combined, it's just in different accounts. (I don't know if that makes sense...)
Most of our expenses go on our jointly-held credit card. He pays for certain expenses out of his account every month (his car loan, his school loans, our rent, and our internet) and I pay the credit card and the other utilities. I track everything in our rediculously organized spreadsheet and see how much we're making and how much we're spending in any month. When my bank account's low or the credit card bill is unusually high, I say "I need $X. Can you write me a check" and he does.
When we first started the system, I had a formula in Excel to look at the various percentages of income and what were non-credit card expenses to figure out exactly how much he "owed" me each month, but it got far too complicated and wasn't ever really an issue.
We've talked about combining accounts once we are married, but agreed we like the system. At some point, we may make both of our accounts joint accounts, but they'll keep getting used as they are until it becomes more of a hassle than it's worth.
Right now we live off of my paycheck and his income goes to covering his bills as he has a good bit more debt than I do. Sometimes he gets down about it because he's not the "provider" but I tell him not to worry about it because it will all come back around.
We're both grad students and pretty much flat broke all the time, haha. Basically, whoever has higher grant money at the time pays for a bigger chunk of our expenses. We maintain separate accounts, split the rent/utilities down the middle, and then divide up the rest of costs. I.e. he pays for all the transportation, I pay for all the food.
So far it's working out pretty smoothly. But I'm sure that once we have things like a mortgage, kids, or really any disposable income, things will get slightly more complicated!
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I totally agree with lattelove. You should definately communicate more with your FI on this topic. Your FI will need to overcome the "my money" factor, or else it'll just get worse. Once you're married you are a team, so usually any money is both your money. I've seen money issues affect SO many couples. A good way to prevent further problems is open communication and planning. SO I think you're on the right track of trying to come up with a plan. I'd give it a go if that's what you and your FI can agree on. You'll probably need to make tweaks and changes along the way but it'll all come together. Just make sure you know your expenses, what you want to save, and what you can spend.
He makes about twice as much money as I do and owns our house, which we will add me to after the wedding. But when I moved in we decided on a set number I'd pay him every month to cover bills/mortgage because everything was already in his name. We each pay our own cell phones, car payments and in my case student loans out of our own accounts. Everything else we alternate, although he definitely pays for most of our entertainment. It has worked well for us. If one of our credit card bills is unusally high for an unforseen expense we have no problem saying hey could you get the groceries this week or whatever. Since we got engaged I have stopped paying him any money and all of it plus some is going into a savings account for the wedding, honeymoon etc.
I'd strongly suggest you guys talk about how you are going to handle your finances. It sounds like you are open and ready, which is a great thing. I'd highly recommend trying premarital counseling for it. It was a big help for us.
All our money gets deposited into a joint account, and then we each maintain a separate account with a balance of about $500 in it. At the end of the month if the money in the personal account is delpleted we can fill it back up to $500. We use our joint account for almost everything. The personal accounts are for our own little vices...I use mine to go shopping (when I'm just going for fun and not because I actually need anything) and he uses his to buy music on eMusic, and other things.
It's all the same money, so really the personal accounts are just a way to get some privacy. It works for us because it keeps me from counting every little cent he takes out of the joint account and asking "why did you spend money on X?" Because there are lots of things I buy that probably I don't need, and I don't want him asking me that either!
Before we were married we each had separate accounts, and for the few months we lived together while engaged he would pay me his half of the rent, or we would alternate who bought groceries. It was a bit of a transition to get a joint account but I like it a lot more now. Definitely though we have had some fights about how to handle money, because we each have our quirks. Maybe you should try out a financial planning book?
We lived together before getting engaged. At first our finances were completely separate and we did everything pretty much 50-50...though neither of us was the to the penny type. Mostly we figured out that if he paid for food and I paid the other bills (electric, phone since we have a family plan, cable, etc) it was more or less even. A couple times we floated each other for a month or so for the other's half of rent, but mostly even.
He graduated before me and got a much higher paying job...but we lived apart for 6 mos. We had to renegotiate a lot at this point...especially b/c we had a lot of extra travel mixed in. He is very frugal and b/c his dad has a gambling problem he has a lot of trust issues surrounding money. But we worked it out. In the end I took a lower paying job (and also lower than him) to be in the same city...I had a hard time with this at first, but I will say that once I graduated and moved down he's never really held it over me that he contributes more. We didn't have joint accounts, but we pretty much just treated our money as joint and that was even more true after we got engaged.
For various reasons (owing partially to the fact that he has the same first name as his dad so it makes it harder to get new accounts since he has to go in person to prove that he's not the one with the bad credit rating), we haven't completely pooled our money yet but we do have a joint account we contribute to for our house savings. He has a lot more liquid savings than I do b/c I've always contributed to an IRA but he's always bought stock, so when we buy a house we'll depend more on his savings for the down payment. At this point we budget and spend together, we just still write checks from separate accounts...I think both of us would rather change that after we get married, though there's no really good reason why.
From my friends' experiences I think a lot of financial arrangements can work. Actually I know few couples who treat their money as jointly as we do. I think it helps that neither of us has debt, we graduated about the same time, and we earn close enough. Many different things can work, the most important thing is that you are *both* comfortable with the arrangement. Doesn't sound like you are right now. I know that there are pre-marital financial planning services available (though I don't know any to recommend myself), it could help you to use something like that since this is such a loaded issue. Another thing might be to find out why he is so strict about finances. Just b/c you feel his family is wealthy doesn't mean he sees it that way...or who knows. I know for us a lot of our differences our informed by the fact that his dad has such a major problem and my dad is like the opposite to the point where he's controlling of my Mom (who earns quite a bit herself) about money. So we're set up to clash and it's a lot of work to find a place that respects both of our financial and personal needs.
We're completely separate financially, because we don't live together yet and don't really share any expenses. When we move in together later this year, he will be paying a larger portion of our rent because he makes significantly more money than I do, and we'll split any other bills evenly. I doubt we'll combine accounts until we're married, and even when we do, it will make me feel guilty. I'm a recent college grad with basically no savings, while my FI has been working for several years and has a decent amount saved.
It sounds like you're on the right track! You guys will need to figure out what works best for the both of you. We have had a joint account since we moved in together (almost 3 years) and all of our money goes there. I handle all the finances. It's what works for us. When we moved in together, I was moving to a different state and had to get a new bank account anyway, so we just added me onto FI's account.
You guys will figure out what works, but just make sure you're both open to changing what you're currently doing in case it doesn't work!
We dont live together so we handle our finances seperately. We do split dinners and going out places, or if he pays, Ill either pay him back or pay next time. When we get married I would like to have a joint account but seperate ones as well. I agree with your idea, of keeping a percentage of our paychecks for ourselves (so I can buy clothes and stuff without having to defend it!) and the rest will go into our joint account for rent, bills, etc.
Right now we have a joint savings account that we both contibute to, but our checking accounts are separate until we live together (he lives in FL and I live in TX)...only two months away now! We're very open and honest about our finances. I'll be moving to a different state, so it makes sense to just join my account with his.
We split the bills so we're paying about equal. I take care of some expenses, he takes care of others.
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We are a lot like Mr. and Miss D'Orsay (it seems). We have separate accounts for now, but will join them after the wedding. We pay for everything together - if I need lean cuisines for lunch at work and I'm low, he will pay for them, although I pay for a majority of the monthly bills since I make more money right now. And, all our savings is in one account (technically in his name). We've always known our money would be completely combined after the wedding so we're trying to do that now.
We opened a joint account that is our wedding fund. We still have our own checking and savings. I've been adamant from the get go that we are still going to keep our own. We split the bills in the middle but we pay for our own cell phones, cars, etc. He's recently been talking to me about having a joint insurance. I feel bad if we combine our money because he makes more than I do! He keeps mentioning that it's OUR money but one time he made a comment about how he just puts money in there and I spend it. And I pointed out that I asked him and got his approval to spend that money! So yeah, we're still definitely adjusting!
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We don't live together so we're totally separate, but he usually pays for almost everything we do... I try to throw in some sometimes but he only occasionally takes me up on it. We both come from old fashioned Greek families where no one has even heard of separate accounts, so we'll be combining fully when we're married. Right now I'm a student again so I'll really only be bringing my (meager) savings into the pot... I feel kind of bad he'll be 100% supporting me but I'll be making decent money (I hope!) when I graduate so it will be fine...eventually...!!
I think it might be a tough adjustment to have to "answer" to someone about what you're spending but we have had many many discussions about this and seem to be on the same page about things. I think once we're past the adjustment period it will be fine, as luckily we have pretty similar spending habits. I really think with something like this COMMUNICATION is key. Talk talk and talk some more!!
I'm in a fairly similar situation to rnc620. We have separate accounts, I pay my car payment, my itty-bitty credit card, cell phone & health insurance and I do the majority of the grocery shopping. He pays everything else, mortgage, electric, gas, cable etc. Sometimes if I happen to open the elctric/gas or whatever I will pay it especially when I know he has had some non-working days (due to bad weather) but he likes to pay everything...he's very traditional in that way.
We plan to have one joint account when we get married for "us" stuff but we will each also keep our separate accounts. My parents will celebrate their 37th anniversary this year & they have never had joint accounts, dad has always made more money than mum (like my guy & I) and he has always paid the "big" bills.
It's so embarassing ..... After eight years together and over five living together we still split our bills nearly 50/50. Seriously -- we each send in a rent check, electric bill check, water bill check... At one point (the first year we lived together) this made sense. We were both broke. But now I'm a grad student living on fellowship, while he has a decent job and makes over 4x more than me (before taxes). We've taken some baby steps, though. Now he pays for all of the phone and cable bills, and pays when we go out to do things together.
We even have an exel spreadsheet with everything we've spent for the wedding and who paid for it. The wedding expenses? You guessed it! 50/50.
Yeah... he really is that cheap.
We keep totally seperate bank accounts for the mo, but that will soon change as we are going to refinance the house with my name added on. And when we get married, we'll have a joint account, I assume, although, I kinda like how we have it now. We just discuss purchases each month and decide who owes who what....
right now everything is separate. completely separate, but when we get married we will have a joint account and our own separate accounts too so we can still be independant.
When we got married I was a student so didn't have any 'real' money but my credit was spotless! He had a good job selling cars (yep I married a used car salesman who I met at a bar!) but his credit was horrendous. So, we had one bank account. Once I started working, I just shoved my money in the same account. We were young when we married, 25 and 26, so I think that made a difference...we kind of 'came up' together. We've tried different things over the years but have always come back to a single joint account. I get more frustrated than he does because the reason my credit was spotless is because I balanced my checkbook down to the cent. Debit cards and a joint account make it very difficult to do. But we both understand how much 'extra' is left over after the bills are paid and we both have an understanding of how much we can spend in a month individually without screwing things up. We have three kids now and they come with a lot of extra stuff...soccer, dance, field trips, shoes. So we definitely had to adjust after each birth. FYI for us, it took a full eighteen months to adjust financially and emotionally after each kid! No one tells you that! Having a kid is like buying a house!
The second we were engaged- joint account with 100% everything going into and out of the joint account. It made it SO much easier for wedding planning and helped us feel more like a unit.
We had separate accounts before we got married. Rent was split equally, but otherwise we didn't pay too much attention. When he first moved in we probably split things a little more carefully. I had all the bills, but he tended to do more grocery shopping and we'd guestimate if someone needed to hand over some cash to the other.
When we got engaged and then closer to the wedding date we started to view it more as 'our' money. Now, it's all our money and we have various accounts, some joint some not.
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