Post # 1
Just curious… how do you and your fiance or husband fight? Do you yell at each other? Say things you don’t mean? Lose control? Or do you ignore each other? Are you able to talk calmly?
I would just like to get an idea of how other couples handle their arguments.
Post # 3
We try not to yell. I sometimes get riled up and yell but it’s not when we fight but just when he’s annoying me and I’m in a bad mood.
Post # 4
We’ve actually “fought” maybe twice in three years. We’ll bicker a little here and there, but we’re very good at having calm discussions and not letting things get to the point where we blow up at each other. I don’t think it’s healthy to yell at each other and lose control all the time.
Post # 5
We may start to raise our voices a bit as the fight starts, but usually when we are mad/upset about something and fighting we try to give eachother enough space so that we can calm down and then we talk about it calmly.
Post # 5
We talk calmly.. sometimes with long pauses.. lol
We both are firm believers in “‘choice words’ b/c you can’t take them back… apology/forgiven regardless.. what’s said is said so be sure it’s not gonna be something you regret”
Also, generally within arms reach of each other… hand on his, etc… It’s how we stay connected even when a topic is touchy where we’d likely want to pull away. Sometimes I’ll get up and go “do something” in the kitchen or such but that’s more so if I get my feelings hurt or am not liking something and feel like I may cry… I will usually wash my hands or something to calm down, while still talking, so that we can stay on track with the discussion.
We both apologize and forgive VERY quickly and don’t go long without unresolved issues.
I was in a previous marriage where it was very verbally abusive (from his end) so I learned in that about me fighting fair regardless of what’s being done to me…
I believe that yelling does not solve anything and that using your words to tear someone down is the equivilant of abuse so we take care of things before the build up and we take very seriously to resolve the issue on hand rather than making more issues by acting badly…. <– It doesn’t always go exactly like this, sometimes there are moments where something that’s taken badly get an ugly face or not so great reaction, but like I said…. repent & forgive quickly are what we always go back to both ways since generally we’re both at fault for some aspect of the issue. lol
Post # 6
I was just advising another Bee on a different thread regarding the importance of “fair fighting.” We know how to push each other’s buttons, so when we were younger and more immature, we would throw below the belt jabs, figuratively speaking. I was also notorious for leaving because I run from conflict, but it was totally hurting our relationship.
Now we sit down and talk it out, and we’re okay with it if one of us needs to take a five-minute breather to calm down if we don’t think we can productively discuss the issue at that point in time. We haven’t had a bad fight in a really long time.
Post # 7
I have never heard him raise his voice, not once. Sometimes I get catty, and I’ll say something or biker a bit, but he never retaliates. Usually we just take a little time on our own to cool off until I feel sane enough to talk to him like a decent person. It’s really bizarre to me that he says he’s never lost his temper. I don’t know, I’m a pretty level-headed person, but sometimes my anger shows.
Post # 8
It’s very rare that my FI raises his voice but I tend to yell. Generally it’s just bickering and most serious things we are able to talk out.
Post # 9
I get more wound up and a bit aggressive- 2 seconds later he says something that makes me laugh my head off. This infuriates me- but finishes the disagreement every time!
Post # 10
I yell. Mr. A does not interrupt. Once I get all my yelling at. he calmly and logically discusses his side.
The man is a flippin saint. I have only heard him raise his voice twice in the last four years. I on the other hand, can come flying off the handle at him over the smallest thing. Good thing he knows I love him.
Post # 11
@SoontobeMrsA: Sounds like FI and I. I am definitely the emotionally charged one in our relationship, and I am the one that will tend to get mad. Even when he gets mad at me it’s more annoyed than mad. I yell…. and cry…. He stays calm.
I do have to say though, that our relationship has taught me that “winning” a fight only happens when we both walk away feeling resolved. I cannot be OK unless I know he is too, and vice/versa.
Post # 12
I get all mad and yell at him then he sleeps and Im still mad…. Well thats not how it normally is but right at this very moment in time it is 🙁
Post # 13
We have never raised our voices at each other. We’re not yellers… We pretty good about talking things out. I used to be somewhat passive aggressive about arguments since I have had a very severely abusive relationship in the past. I easily got over it when I saw how he was. We just kind of fell into the way we treat one another. If we get too mad, we walk away and calm down.
Post # 14
We’re not yellers either. His mom had a mental illness and yelled and screamed a ton when he was a child, and as a result he HATES yelling. He’s amazingly good at talking things out – and as a result, I’ve become better at it too. We both try really hard to see the other person’s perspective, although sometimes that’s a challenge! We don’t yell, but we do get very tense during those discussions. Still, I think it helps that we’re both extremely verbal, analytical people. It makes it soooo much easier to resolve differences when you’re both used to putting complicated thoughts/emotions into words.
Post # 15
It depends. I have a problem with letting things build up so when its a fight like that, its a yelling fight. When we have our little tiffs, we ignore each other. He normally is the first to give in 😉