Post # 1
OK… honestly, he doesn’t know how to clean. And he makes a huge mess. I can’t stand having to clean up after him and his mess mostly because of loss of time. So I tell him to meet me halfway (like for kitchen stuff, just rinse things off and leave it, that way food isn’t stuck and stubborn) But doesn’t do it, leaves dish on table because his mom would normally take it and clean up after him. But he’s not living with his parents anymore, you know? And the thing that sucks is we won’t have the dishwasher for probably another month, so time consuming!
We just got this house and it was vacant for a while. This will sound gross: there is mouse poop upstairs on the carpets. We aren’t living in the upstairs yet. When he vacuumed he missed a lot.
I end up going over everything, there is so much to do. I feel like I am taking care of the house myself 🙁 I mean, I love our new house but I am being tied up all the time, I feel like nothing is getting done because it has to be done twice (second time by me) and things like that. A lot of the big stuff can’t be tackled right now, stuff he would even more likely be able to successfully tackle.
So tell me, how do you and your husband split the house work?
Post # 3
this was really the only thing we fought about after getting married – since then we have worked on it and neither of us seem to get upset. We both pull our own weight and do a little bit of everything – the only thing we dont really share is laundry and bathrooms – i do all of his laundry so in return he cleans the bathrooms.
On a normal week we usually get up on saturdays and do a big scrub down – serious cleanning all through the house and then during the week we just try and pick up the common areas -In a way its kind of become routine, he will do certain things like vaccuum and wash pots and pans while i usually sweep, mop, wipe down counters. Its all about finding a common ground and figuring out the chores the other one doesnt mind doing.
Another thing that is super important is not to assume someone is going to clean and if its bothering you speak up! say hey hun, can you please put those glasses in the dishwasher, ill run it later or can you throw your dirty clothes in a hamper and ill throw them in the wash? ask him to do things and praise praise praise when he does! haha i swear it works! seriously. If he emptys the dishwasher let him know how thankful you are – he will more than likely do it again without you having to ask because he see’s how much it means to you.
Post # 4
He has a much higher tolerance for mess and will ignore it even if I request help. The only way he helps sometimes, is if I’m doing an afternoon cleaning spree after a while he’ll feel guilty and chip in for a little bit. But he gets tired of cleaning and quits early, so I end up cleaning 3 hours to his one. Doesn’t really pick up after himself either. THe only thing that I’ve found that works is judicious use of humor. For example, I left post it notes on stuff that needed to go downstairs to the trash/basement saying “offending item” and they were removed promptly after having sat there previously for weeks. I posted a 3 strikes kitty litter policy on the fridge and last night he even referenced it for the reason why he cleaned it – that he was on his second strike and didn’t want to get divorced (we’re not married yet, but options for not cleaning included divorce, we move houses, we eat the cat for dinner, etc.)
ETA: We’d like to get to a point where we feel we can afford a housecleaner. We figure problems we can throw money at to solve are not as big as problems you can’t solve with money, so in the grand scheme of things, it’s not so bad.
Post # 5
I actually enjoy* cleaning, laundry, shopping, cooking, etc so I usually do most of it, but he does do one thing he really enjoys (cooking, he cooks one really delicious meal a week) and my least favorite task (dusting). I really don’t depend on him to judge when the house needs to be cleaned, we do it once a week and while I clean, he dusts. When I told him he can dust on “his schedule”, he either forgot or thought it only needed to happen once a month.
(* It isn’t that I truly enjoy the process of cleaning, etc I just really really love a clean house, which makes it very worth while for me)
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
For us, I do the cooking, he does the dish cleaning– I think this is only fair, and really, and hubs should understand and be fine with it. It takes a lot of effort to cook, and we appreciate the help with clean up! I do the kitchen cleaning though… and Im happy to do it. I vacuum our carpet upstairs, and he sweeps the wood floor downstairs. He takes out the trash and cleans the potty– he makes the mess, he cleans it! I clean the shower. I typically feed/water our pets (no real reason for this, just how it happens). He changes the ferrets’ litter, and we both take our dog out for potty. We do our laundry separately. No reason for this either, but I like my clothes a certain way, and he likes his a certain way. We ran into a problem because we both hate putting it away. That stuff will sit in the dryer for a week. We had to make a plan to tackle this, and we don’t argue about it anymore.
It’s important to have a good conversation about sharing the housework, and hopefully he’ll hear you after the 4th or 5th time 🙂
Post # 7
@totheislnds – Agree so much on the praise part… Men are like little kids sometimes 🙂
Post # 8
My Fiance cooks for us everyday, and I clean the apartment once a week. I hate cooking and he hates cleaning so it works out well for us! 🙂 we both justp pick up during the week whenever it starts getting very messy.
Post # 9
I cook and do all the deep cleaning (like dusting, baseboards, etc.) and Fiance does the laundry and light cleaning (just picking up before bed each night, smaller things like that).
Post # 10
@kay01: Split? Hahaha I totally agree:)
@yassim: To answer you question, Fiance doesn’t do a whole lot of housework. He will occasionally toss his workout clothes in the wash because he goes through 2-3 sets a day, but I do the bulk of the other work.
Maybe you could have your husband do the outside work and then you could take care of what needs done inside? I know it’s a sort of “gender role” distribution, but I’ve always found that Fiance was more willing to pick up a shovel than mop the floors.
Post # 11
Hahaha, split the housework? That’s cute. Unless we need to do a “parents-are-coming-over” clean, he doesn’t do much. It’s just easier if I do it myself. Atleast I know it’s getting done the right way. He does vacuum though. Ever since the Dyson he looks for opportunities to use it, lol.
Post # 12
I’m totally grateful to have a man whose momma made him domestic 🙂 We both do a little of everything, but typically I cook (he helps out by chopping, etc), someone does the dishes, I pick up our bedroom, he does the laundry, I clean the bathrooms but he’s in charge of the floors. He’s a better cleaner than me and I sometimes feel guilty that I’m not Suzy Homemaker but it does make it easier 😉
Post # 13
my advice is that it takes time. It took Darling Husband and I months to figure out housework and two years later, it’s still not perfect, but it never will be and I’ve accepted that. I’m very fortunate to have a fairly clean husband but there are still times where he gets messy. This may sound immature, but when I get fed up with his things laying around the house, I pick it all up and put it all on his couch in his “man cave” and he usually gets the hint. I’m messy too though, so I try not to get on him too much.
Post # 14
My husband and I have the chores split like this: He does all the outside chores (mowing the grass, blowing off the roof, picking up the dog poo, etc) and I clean the inside.
When it comes to dishes, who ever cooked the meal doesn’t have to clean the kitchen. I almost always cook dinner, so he always cleans up!
Now sometimes, if we are having guests come over to stay with us, he will usually chip in making sure the guest room is made, the house is vacuumed, etc.
Post # 15
@UpstateCait: we have the same husband apparently lol.
Yeah, he doesnt do that much unless I specifically ask him to. He will sometimes vacuum without me asking him and sometimes he will do laundry on his own as well. However, pretty much everything else (Dishes, general pick ups, cleaning bathrooms, dusting, etc) is done by me. I will ask him to help me if I am getting overwhelmed or just feel like he needs to step it up. The thing is, when I think the house is a disaster he thinks its not that bad. Weve lived together for 4.5 years now so I know this is how he is and I’ve (for the most part) come to terms with it.
Post # 16
We split it up with him doing things he hates and me doing things he hates. I’m in charge of ALL laundry and dry cleaning as well as vaccuming, dusting, and getting the mail. He is in charge of dishes, kitchen and bathroom floors, and the entire bathroom (sink, countertop, tub, toilet). We have a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment, so it seems fair to both of us.
We never leave things ou. Example: we use the breakfast bar for dirty plates after meals. Then he can just rinse and dishwash or hand wash them. If he forgets and leaves something out or some dishes don’t get cleaned, I TELL him, I don’t do it for him. “Honey, you forgot your dishes.” He’ll also ask me to do laundry if it’s built up. I think the thing to do is ask if it’s not done to your liking. If you take over, he’ll just stop doing chores at all.