Post # 1
Hi There Bees,
My previous teaching job was causing me an emmense amount of stress and anxiety, so after some careful thought and heartfelt discussions with my SO, I decided it would be best to part ways. I have made several posts on the ‘bee about the process, and while it has been difficult and I miss my students terribly, it ended up being a good decision for me. I feel so much healthier and I have a new sense of calm in my life.
After nearly going crazy being unemployed for the past few weeks, I have recently been offered a job teaching at a preschool. The program is lovely, the kids are amazing, and I think I would really enjoy myself there. It would be a welcomed change of pace (less stress!) and I would still be able to work with kids. However, the salary is a little more than half of what I was making teaching elementary special education (that was totally expected).
Now – – – the bills. My SO and I are in the “almost engaged” category, and currently have separate accounts. When I was working in special ed, he only made a little more than I did, so we split all the bills 50/50, taking turns on groceries and dinners out, etc. Now, he will be making considerably more than I will be, assuming I take this job.
We have discussed changing the way we split things up so I don’t have a near empty pot after the bills go through, but I’m not sure what would be considered fair. When I was a single girl, living in a tiny studio, I did a nice job saving my money and put away a fair amount of cash (~30k). I have decided to use some of that money either towards a down payment on a house and/or a portion of the wedding. So, basically, that money will eventually be used towards something we both will use/want/need. We’ve talked about the need to stay away from my savings account until then, but that would require that he take on more of the financial burden. I’m conflicted.
How do you and your SO/FI/DH split the bills? Is there a considerable gap between your salaries? What do you think would be considered fair in my case?
Post # 3
My husband makes considerably more than I do. We went the traditional route. We have one shared checking account and one shared savings account. It works for us. We did this as soon as we decided we were getting married and started living together. It just seemed simpler.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
Before we were married but still living together, everything was split proportional to income. I paid about 25% less than my husband then in bills. Now we have one checking and one savings account.
Post # 5
We do the same thing that @Neva and her DH do. My FI makes much more than I do as well. When we got engaged and then started living together, we opened up joint checking and savings accounts to handle the bills, etc. I know that is not for everyone, but it works for us.
Post # 6
before we were married everything was separate. Since we lived apart it was easy. I would in your situation, try to make things fair by splitting stuff proportionally but try not to be too anal about it. Until you get married that is.
Post # 7
We don’t have a joint account yet, but FI makes much more than I do. We split everything proportionally to our income. We would not be able to live in the apartment we have now if we split things 50/50 because I simply do not make enough money. I tease him that if I wasn’t with him I’d be living with my parents…. Which is actually not a joke. I’m poor. Heh.
I’m big on savings too and although I have a lot less than you (~10k) we agreed that I would not use my savings to pay for things like rent, utility, etc. I think it would be fair for you two to split the bills in proportion to your income. But… that is just what works for us and you need to figure out what works best for the two of you.
Post # 8
FI and I make about the same amonut and we still have all our own accounts and no joint account yet, but we effectively share all our money. FI takes care of the utilities, just cuase I don’t want to deal with it, and I do the grocery shopping so that goes on my CC, and all the gas going on my card too cause I have better rewards. Then we just take of our own cards out of our accounts. We just bought a house, so the savings took a big hit and we’ve been cutting the bills close, but if either of us doesnt’ have enough to cover, we just transfer whatever we need to the other person, no questions asked. Once we have more time, we’ll come up with a plan to consolidate. Right now we have about 6-7 checking or savings accounts between the two of us.
Post # 9
We are only engaged, so we split it 50/50. However, when we are married, we’ll pool our money so it really doesn’t matter.
Post # 10
Other – we have a weird situation. I make more, but not a lot more. Previously, I would pay a little more of the rent and a little more of the bills, but we tended to split stuff 60-40 or 65-35. Since he started his PhD program, though, we’ve been living in student housing and the school can deduct rent directly from his stipend. Since he hates dealing with money and bills, we do that, and since he’s now paying the rent I pay for almost everything else.
This is what we’ve been doing pre-engagement, and since we got engaged. We will get a joint account at some point, but he really hates dealing with forms, so it hasn’t happened yet.
I do think it’s fair that if one partner makes significantly more, he or she should take on a higher percentage of the bills.
Post # 11
My FI makes way more than me. There have been times, however, when I was making more than him. When we moved in with each other we got a joint bank account and now we don’t even say “50/50” or “40/60” anymore, we just have both cheques deposited into our account and pay everything from that. We’ve devoted our lives to each other so what’s his is mine and what’s mine is his. This makes things super easy for us. If either of us wants to make a big purchase we consult each other and usally take turns. FI wants some new hockey skates? Okay, he gets them this month and next month I get those new boots I want 🙂
I’ve also heard of some couples putting the majority of their cheque in a joint account and spending money in a separate account (Ie: each keep $500 a month and then devote the rest to combined bills). That works well I’ve heard!
Post # 12
I’m in the same boat as Neva as far as going w/ the traditional route.
We’re not engaged yet, but I am financially responsible whereas the boy really lacks in that department. I think his eyes lit up when I asked him “do you just want to combine checking accounts to make things easier?”. I make almost twice as much as him, but I have a lot more bills to pay as well (credit cards, student loans, car). He just lets me take care of everything and I always let him know how much ‘fun’ money we have. It works! But I will admit, it’s a lot more stressful for me to have to take care of two incomes, all the bills, and not just MINE. I have to worry about him now too. I didn’t even see that change of thought coming!
For you I’d say maybe you could go 70/30 on bills, or just put everything together and pay bills together and whatever’s left is for the both of you to spend. I find it’s super easy for us and we have yet to argue over money matters.
Post # 13
Since we’ve been engaged all of our money goes into one pot and everything is paid out of that. It’s just been easier that way. We’ve never had the issue of I make more so I should spend more or vice versa. He said once the bills were paid I could do whatever I wanted to do with the extra money as long as he could buy a new toy here and there. We share everything so this is one issue we have perfected.
Post # 14
We make exactly the same amount, but I pay more of the mortgage than he does because the house is in my name. So he essentially pays me rent. Other than that, we split the utilities 50/50. Oh, but he pays for 100% of the cable. And he usually buys dinner food and makes me dinner. 🙂
Post # 15
I make more than my SO but he insists on paying the same. If there is a pressing personal bill for him some month, I make up the difference and he does extra chores. I don’t care, but he feels badly about it so I let him do extra dishes. Ha. Why would I complain about that?
Post # 16
We each place 50% of our incomes into a shared account for shared expenses. He makes more, therefore, he contributes more. However, if we ever need more than we have no problem dipping into our individual “savings or checking” to supplement.