How do you and your SO handle anger/frustration/annoyance?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
15019 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My Dh was kind of similar. He broods. I found it annoying and immature but whatever. I left him alone and let him brood all by his lonesome. I went about my day as normal and refused to let his brooding bring me down or affect me in any way. After a few years of that, finally were are at the stage where he’s learned his attitude just gets him no where with me (no emotional reaction) so he can talk things out calmly and maturely without the bs attitude. I’m not an overly emotional person to begin with so overly emotional reactions to most things I just flat out ignore. When they don’t get the response their looking for they will change the initial action. 

Post # 4
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@HonoraryNerd:  FI and I have kind of the opposite problem. He’s super laid back, goes with the flow. Sometimes I feel like nothing phases him and it drives me bonkers sometimes. I’m not like.. Over dramatic or inclined to hold a bitter grudge but I definitely get a little more wound up than FI and that can lead to some tension.

I think we reconcile by both trying to give a little. I have learned that when he says “sure” it means yes not some cryptic answer and he has learned that just because I get a little wound up sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t like him, I just get my panties bunched once in a while. 

I have been known to tell him to “just get mad at something” to which he usually tells me I should just get less mad and then I usually pout and try to get over it as quickly as possible. He thinks it’s cute when I pout so it works 😛

I think what I work the hardest as is never resisting a laugh. Seriously, when it starts to get really grouchy, sometimes a tickly fight is in order.. Laughing fixes a lot of things. It’s hard sometimes and sometimes I want to be too mad to laugh but it seriously works. When FI is too grumpy and bottled up after work, I just do silly stuf until he cracks. Works like a charm, every time. And if I’m too mad to be rational, he gives me that “I’m am way too cute to be mad at so just lighten up face” and it’s irresistible. 

Also, never go to bed angry. It’s a good rule!

Post # 5
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@lalalyanne:  LOL! If my FI tried to tickle me when I was upset I would lose my shit! But I sort of hate tickling anyway…

I digress. My FI and I try and talk as much as possible. I’m definitely one of those people who shuts down a bit when I’m upset or mad. I think it’s b/c I’m scared I’m going to cry (which totally annoys me). I’m trying to just get over it, have my cry, and get to the talking, b/c I think that is so much more efficient, and I HATE conflict, so I’d rather have it be over.

Did that even make sense? lol

Post # 6
6958 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@HonoraryNerd:  we are talkers. Sometimes I have to have some alone time to brood and say bitchy things in my head first so I don’t say them to him, but that usually lasts an hour at most and then I’m ready to talk respectfully. 

Post # 7
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@HonoraryNerd:  I want to be heard- acknowledged-and either apologized to or talk about how it will be fixed. He wants to go into den and let me stew in my anger which just makes me more angry. We have learned from ourselves. I wrote on the fridge when we were upset:

1. Listen

2. Acknowledge 

3. Apologize/plan to fix it


so now it’s a thing… A ton less ” arguments” -we dont have that many but i recognize i have a big problem with people when i feel disrespected/not listened to and he is the passive type that thinks everything is cool and its really not until i feel you understand what was upsetting-we have learned to squash it right there instead of letting it snow ball. Makes for a much happier life when you can communicate with ease.

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