My DH and I have been struggling with how to handle our finanances. We have been fighting for about 3 weeks and haven't been able to come to an agreement about what the priorities should be. We finally decided that we are going to split up the bills and he will pay some of them out of his checks and I will pay some out of my checks. I am hoping this will cut down on the arguments about what should get paid first since we will each be paying for the things we feel are the priorities. How do you and your SO handle finances? Is one person in charge or do you split the bills so each person is paying some of them?
He works, I spend;)
haha just kidding. I do not work these days, but when I did, we would split. However what I found best for us, was to open a joint account that you both contribute bill money too, and pay all the bills from that and have seperate savings. work on how much you will contribute to the bill fund and how much he contributes. And always always, pay yourself first girlie:)
DFs money pays all bills but I manage all the money. It's been that way since we been dating about 6 months. I'm just better at that and have more time. We have a joint account, joint savings accts, and I have my own checking acct.
he usually asks about money once a month
DH and I share everything. All our income goes into one account, and all the bills are paid out of that same account. Usually, I manage the money in terms of making the payments because I'm more organized than he is.
@speechgal44: We have been fighting for about 3 weeks and haven't been able to come to an agreement about what the priorities should be.
I am very curious to hear what is this huge rift in your priorities that is causing so many arguements. Can you give us examples? Splitting bills may just be a short term fix if you don't get to the root of the issue.
As for us, we put both of our paychecks into one checking account. The household bills are automatically withdrawn (mortgage, cable, internet, utils, gas, etc). Very few we have to manually pay (my prepaid cell is all I can think of). Even my gym membership is automatically withdrawn. So we really don't have to assign anything to anyone. I mainly track our daily expenses using Excel because I like to see what we spend money on.
Our priorities are paying ourselves first (aka retirement contributions). Then of course the mortgage, food, yadda yadda.
Currently, FI and I have separate finances but live together. I pay about 60% of the bills because I make twice what he does (he just finished grad school). When we get married in 8 months, we plan on having one joint account where a percentage of our paychecks will go into and we will pay all our bills from it. Otherwise, we will still have separate finances.
The joint account thing didn't work for us. We didn't argue or anything it just got confusing and hard to keep track of spending. We do bank at the same place and have access to each others accounts for emergencies. What works for us is we split our rent even. Then the rest of the bills we split up. We've been doing this for years and it really works for us. He pays the electric and cable our higher bills. I pay our phones, the car insurance (its super cheap) and for groceries.
We are on the Dave Ramsey plan and live on a budget. When we get married it will all go into a joint checking account. We then have a budget for each month and thats how we pay for everything. Its not mine and his its ours.
I can see how joint accounts can be tricky if you have to be very meticulous about what is being spend so that you don't go into the negatives each month. We have a buffer in our checking, so unless I go pay cash for a $10k car today, we don't have to keep track of things for concern of going negative.
I was in a previous relationship where merging money wold have been horrible. He had horrible credit, wracked up at least $100 in overdrawal fees each month, saving wasn't not in his vocabulary. So I can see being with someone like that making financial planning a nightmare - been there, done that!
We share one account that we deposit money into, pay bills, etc. We are both on the same page as far as our priorities. I am the more financially aware, so I do all the bill paying.
My FI works, I take care of the spending/saving/bills and whatever is left over gets put into our 'fun money' account. He pays for everything when we go out, so I never worry about it after that. All of our accounts are joint and we never fight about money.
I pay the utiltiies, he pays the mortgage. We'll eventually just have 1 joint account I think - it's just easier that way!
We have similar spending habits, and even that our money is separate now, he always discusses larger purchases with me, even though I tell him he doesn't need my permission to buy things with his own money! He also won't buy something if I simply say I don't think we need it but he can get it if he wants it!
My DH is terrible with money. TERRIBLE. He is very gullible and susceptible to salesmen, he is impulsive, always forgets what needs to be paid, and he has no clue how to budget. I can also be frugal when I need to be, whereas DH is calling me like "Can I buy 3 pairs of shoes?! I can't decide between them!" (True story from last week. I told him to pick two.)
I am a careful budgeter, remember to pay things on time, and am a skeptic when it comes to salesmen. So for the most part, I handle budgeting and bills, but I try to keep things fair.
All our money is our money, not mine and his. I take our total incomes together to start the budget, then subtract all our bills and some for savings. Then I subtract things like groceries, gas, date nights, etc., and l leave a slush amount for incidentals. Lastly, whatever is left over is split in two, and we can each spend our half however we want, no complaints from the other. If DH has enough money in his half of the leftover to buy three pairs of shoes, he's allowed.
I usually take the time to pay the bills out of our joint bank account, since I'm better at keeping due dates and pay days and all that straight, but if DH wants to buy something, it's his responsibility (even though I have to remind him every month). He wanted a new car after his old one broke down: HIS bill to pay. He wanted to sign up for satellite TV: HIS bill. It's still our $, but he's taking the time to handle it.
To keep things straight, we (I) use a combination of spreadsheets and Mint, which automatically tracks your expenses and the amounts left in each category of your budget, and you can use the app on your phone so if you're standing in the middle of the grocery store like, "Do we have money for salmon?", I can easily find out.
We do things a little differently. We have yet to combine our finances officially but what he does is when he gets his first paycheck of the month, he puts a little towards savings and then gives the rest to me to put into out budget binder. Which I have seperated into sections for Food, gas, baby things, misc, and special events (bday, anniversaries, christmas, ect). My first paycheck goes into savings. My Fi's second chec pays rent, And my second check pays all bills. and it usually works out pretty well unless we are off budget or our paychecks are low. Alot of people I know dont do things this way because they want their own money, in case anything happen or things dont work out. I am %100 confident in what we are doing because its working and we havnt had a quarll about money EVER. Im really happy about that
He pays all the bills from his account. I match the ammount spent monthly and put it into our joint account. The joint account is used for any household purchases/repairs or entertainment we do together. Otherwise our money is our own to spend as we choose.
@speechgal44: We have been fighting for about 3 weeks and haven't been able to come to an agreement about what the priorities should be. We finally decided that we are going to split up the bills and he will pay some of them out of his checks and I will pay some out of my checks.
I'm confused about that too. What kind of bills are you talking about. I'd assume that ALL the bills are equally important and they all need to be paid when due. For us, we recently just combined into a single joint account that all our bills and personal spendings get paid from. Before that we each kept our checking and one of us paid all the bills and the other one paid the mortgage to keep it sort of "even" just so that we wouldnt have to keep transfering money if one of our accounts got low. But we have the same priorities and outlook on the money and it's always been viewed as "ours".
Before the wedding planning :
We set aside gas/coffe/lunch money. We pay our bills [rent, electric, water, phone, cellular devices, car payment, house/car insurance, gas, tv, internet & netflix]. We would then go grocery shopping and get the everyday items we needed. By this time 1/2 of our take home pay is gone. We then, in moderation, buy "happy" items. Dvds, jewelry, cds, whatever the case might be. And the rest goes into the bank.
Since we've been wedding planning :
It's basically the same, except instead of savings, we're taking our extra money and applying it towards the wedding. [Which is about $1400 month].
I am also curious about what you two are fighting about, bills are bills and they all have to be paid.
My husband and I both work full time, he makes a little bit more than I do.
We split everything except he pays utilites and I pay my own car bill. Oh and we both pay our own credit cards. So we split rent, cell phone and care insurance.
joint account checking and savings, I log in every day and he asks me about whatever transaction he sees on his phone. we're both not outrageous spenders, and he very much appreciates the way I shop, so it works very well for us.
we are both working professionals.
@bmo88: My SO and I do the same thing (other than car insurance, health insurance, etc....stuff for ourselves personally - we split what we share)....since I get paid more than him (even though I work less hours, I still make more), I pay a little more. After all, I want to get that ring! ;)
We use his check to pay for most everything (as he is the bread winner) I pay for the cell bill bc the reason it's so large is because of me. I usually save all of my extra money for our house renovation projects, and for if we go shopping. But his money is mine and vice versa.
All income goes into our joint checking account. From there, we pay bills, divert a pre-determined amount to our individual "fun money" accounts, and the rest goes to various joint savings accounts.
I'm with the others on not being sure what you mean about prioritizing bills, unless you mean something like the debt snowball. When we were doing the debt snowball, we jointly decided on the priority of accounts and how to allocate our income. Now that we're debt free, we just pay our monthly bills when they come in.
All our money is joint, and I mostly manage it - we find it easier if one person has the overview
Well the DH makes much more money than I do.
He pays for the rent and all the associated bills and insurances that we have. He also pays for his own gas and credit bills.
I pay for my car, gas, credit, and daycare.
Leaving us with not a whole lot.
EDIT: I also pay for our childs RESP
We both work - although i am the bread winner. He is a saver and I am a spender - but I am also an accountant and extremely good with finances. We bought a house together a few months ago so he give me half of the mortgage every month and I pay the mortgage and utilities - he pays for cable, cellphones, and groceries. Then we each pay our own car payments and insurance. Although when we get married we are going to just consolidate bank accounts and then don't have to worry about one person giving the other a check every month. In the end it usually ends up about even, but either way we dont really mind.
Our own personal account, and a joint savings to which we make regular contributions. I pay rent, cable, electric, phone bill one month and he does it the next. We go grocery shopping weekly and alternate whose turn it is to pay, and generally try to do the same with gas money (although he probably buys more because he uses the car more often). Unusual joint expenses (car repairs, travel) come out of the joint account.
We make just about the same amount of money, have similar priorities, and aren't too frivolous, so this system works for us. We handle our own needs and wants on a personal basis.
We are joint everything. We used to have joint and individual accounts, but it was too much of a pain to deal with having so many accounts. Now we are down to a joint checking/savings at our credit union, an internet high yeild savings account (so that we don;t have all of our liquid savings in a single account), our shared investment account, and our individual retirement investment accounts through our employers. We have automatic deductions from our checks for our retirement contributions, and automatic deductions from our checking account for our regular investment account. Those savings amounts are based on advice from our financial planner. For example, based on our planned retirement ages and dreams, he suggested that we aim to have $200k in each of our retirement accounts by the time that we are 40. So we looked at where each of the accounts was at, calculated how much we needed to save per year to reach the $200k goal, and then made the allocation adjustments in our paychecks. Same thing for the investment account, based on our goals for that money. So that money just goes right into savings without thinking. And we do online bill pay for all of our other bills (mortgage, phone, etc.), so it's really just whomever gets to it first to pay the bills. There's no real assignment as to who is responsible for that part.
If I remember correctly, money disputes have been an ongoing problem in your relationship since well before the wedding. Maybe you two ought to work on these issues with a professional.
Here's the deal-we both brought a LOT of debt into the marriage and were both really open about it. We talked about doing the Dave Ramsey plan and he likes it "in theory". He grew up on a farm and is a farm boy at heart. The conflict is that I am all about paying down the debt, and he is all about taking care of the farm animals that he keeps as a hobby and if it means that other biils don't get paid that's just the way it is. He could sell the animals which would make our life a LOT easier, but he doesn't want to because being around farm animals is a part of who he is. He also impulsively buys new animals without discussing it with me. So splitting the bills should work. The deal is that if he has to work extra hours to make ends meet with the animals, that's his deal, it can't come from the cable or electric bill. I am responsible for paying those and they don't get touched. We went to our counselor last night and told him our plan and he thinks it's a good idea.
ETA: He will be responsible for covering the rent, which is the one thing is punctual about every month. He will also be responsible for groceries, which he is really good at because he knows how to stretch a dollar in the supermarket. He will cover his own car insurance and he is responsible for all his bills at the farm. We'll see how it goes......
We have a joint checking account. We dont pay attention to who pays more but we each buy what we want when we want and when its a large purchase we discuss it.
@anemonie: "My DH is terrible with money. TERRIBLE. He is very gullible and susceptible to salesmen, he is impulsive, always forgets what needs to be paid, and he has no clue how to budget."
Yup, this is my DH as well. I have mad a LOT of mistakes over the years with money too, so I don't judge him, it's just that I am trying to change things now that we are married. He gets kind of defensive about the money thing because of the way his ex-wife handled their finances. He felt he had no control and was always living under her thumb.
@lovekiss: "If I remember correctly, money disputes have been an ongoing problem in your relationship since well before the wedding. Maybe you two ought to work on these issues with a professional."
We actually are in counseling, we have been since before the wedding. Our counselor thinks the plan we came up with is a good one, because it takes the pressure off of me to have to worry about how things over at the barn are paid for. To my mind, these animals are not a need, they are a want. Our combined income and all the debt we have to pay doesn't allow for the upkeep of these animals and every month one or two of our household bills get put off because he has to pay to maintain the animals and our counselor feels if he really wants them, he should be responsible for coming up with the money to pay for them. Also, if he goes out and spends money to buy a new animal, he needs to figure out how he's going to pay for it (selling other animals, working extra hours, etc).
@speechgal44: I think it's awesome that you two are working together AND with a pro to find the compromise sweet spot.:)
And I totally understand the animal thing. I WOULD have a farm on our property if Mr. LK let me. But we have a master plan that we both laid out, and we are sticking to it, even if that means some of my critters and other desires will have to wait, just as some of Mr. LK's desires will have to wait. Hopefully your DH will come to embrace delayed gratification and the joy that comes with waiting for, plannning for, saving for, and finally having something that you really want. Best of luck!
@lovekiss: Thank you! The difficulty that I have is that I really want him to have his animals....they are a part of him and he would be devastated if he had to get rid of them. He is working hard to get it under control and make it more manageable. I just think that before I came along, he never really thought about letting the electric bill or cable bill slide to pay for the animals and then he would let barn bills slide to get caught up on the cable and electric. I can't live like that, I need to know that all the household bills are taken care of before we worry about the animals. Paying for them is like an additional child support payment.
We combine everything and make decisions based on due dates and what we prioritize. We've rarely argued and when we do, I usually just pay nothing at all until he gives in a few days later. :)
We have a joint checking, we both work and my FI is going to school also. He handles paying the bills with "our" money and I keep track of our spending :) Is so much easier for us to share our money, than have me pay that and you pay that!
@Roxykitten: I would love for us to have a joint checking account, but because of our debt situations (including some IRS stuff) it makes it easier for us to keep our accounts separate. I also think that it gives us each a feeling of some control to have our own accounts. We do sit down on a regular basis and look at what's due together, but I am hoping this new plan will keep us from having to constantly shuffle around the household bills.
FI pays most of the bills because I am a graduate student. However, I graduate in May and hope to be able to help out a lot more!
We have a joint bank account. He's a full time Head Chef and I'm studying/working part time. I also receive 'student living costs' that pretty much covers our rent. I used to feel guilty that I wasn't 'putting in' as much as he does, but he knows that when I'm a qualified early childhood teacher everything will balance out. It made sense for us to put everything together, if we're going to be with eachother forever, there's no point waiting 'til the wedding.
For the most part I handle the bills, I open them all, organize them by pay date, and then by priority. Then I give my FI the total he owes from each pay period. I write each thing out line by line and then we each pay our half. Right now I am doing national service so I get paid very little, but chef and I talked about what this would mean for our finances and agreed that we would be o.k if I took this job :) If chef questions anything, he just asks me and we work it out. In reality, we pool our money anyway.
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