(Closed) How do you and your SO keep the magic during pregnancy and baby?

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I can’t speak from personal experience, but my brother and SIL have told me that the period where your child is born until about 3 months is very trying on a relationship. Just because neither of them are getting enough sleep and you’re on your last nerve with each other. But I’m curious to see what everyone else says too! Good post!

Post # 4
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Well, we’ve only been parents for 6 weeks, so maybe we’re not the best example, but so it hasn’t really been that bad.  The hardest part is merging two parenting styles.  My husband tends to get frustrated more easily than me (not just with a crying baby, but with everything), and I have a lot more patience than he does.  On the other hand, I am a bit of a “If I don’t do it myself, it won’t get done right,” type of person, and my husband is a lot more willing to take suggestions and let other people help him.  Most of the tense moments between us have been caused by these little personality differences.  We learned how to deal with these things a long time ago, but it gets amplified by the hormones, exhaustion, and the general stress of having a new person to deal with in our relationship.

One thing that really helps is to just be appreciative of each other.  I’ve found that a simple, “Thank you,” goes a long way in diffusing a situation.  Also, the more your partner can be understanding of the hormonal changes you’ll be going through after birth, the easier it’ll be.  Sometimes I felt absolutely crazy in the first few weeks after birth, and knowing that my husband understood it was all hormonal helped me calm down and feel more rational/in control.  For us, it also helps to remind each other that we’re on the same team and we have the same goal.  Our goal is to calm the baby down or put her to sleep or get her ready to leave the house, so it doesn’t matter so much how it gets done as long as it actually gets done!  ๐Ÿ™‚  I imagine there will be more challenges in the months/years to come, but so far, those little things have made a difference in how we treat each other and how we tackle the situation at hand. 

Post # 6
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Ummm, the first few months were really hard because I was so physically ill until about the fifth month!  My husband was very understanding and helpful, but really, how could he possibly fully understand the daily misery of morning sickness, exhaustion, and crazy hormones?  ๐Ÿ™‚  We had a few tense moments, but mostly, the physical part of pregnancy was a lot harder than the emotional adjustment part, for us.

Post # 7
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I don’t know about the baby part yet, but the pregnancy part has not really presented a lot of challenges.  If anything it has been really nice – I think husbands really appreciate their wives the first pregnancy (I have heard the second one is really different!) I slept a lot that first trimester and so was a lot less fun than normal, but he never made me feel bad about it.  In general you do *feel* really pregnant and don’t *look* it at that point, but I never felt from my husband that it didn’t feel real to him!

We don’t have sex dramatically less now (we did in first tri when I was just too tired), although maybe a bit less in the third trimester as the logistics of it gets more complicated ๐Ÿ™‚ But the extra hormones makes it even better for me – and that seems to translate to even better for him too ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 8
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

haha i agree Janna19, the extra hormones help and we actually did it more… well up until i got my big belly of course lol My SO at the time thought i was beautiful when i was pregnant and always told me i was. I hear alot of men do this. The hormones would take over every once in a while and I’d turn into Godzilla but he understood. Then, i would realize how stupid i was being! Yes, the first couple months WILL be very trying on your relationship. I have not met a couple that it has not been this way. Between the tiredness and trying to figure out how to take care of another human being without snapping at each other all the time is tough, but you just get through it. Just a simple “sorry” can go a loooong way. It’s all the small things that can make you & SO still feel the love for each other. Its a HUGE adjustment but it does get easier.

Post # 9
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

My partner was so incredibly attentive to me during the pregnancy (mainly because I was pretty ill), so while that was a shift, it didn’t necessarily affect us in a negative way.

Now with a baby, we just find that we have to consciously MAKE the time to nurture the relationship.  It’s funny because 2 months in, I really notice when we aren’t paying attention.  It comes out in little squabbles that we ordinarily wouldn’t have had.

We’re making a big effort to make sure we tell each other our favorite thing about the other person each day.  I try to write them down in my iphone so that we can have a reminder of all the things we love about each other!

Post # 10
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

When I was preggers, the most romantic thing McGroom did was hold my hair when I was sick. Since this was 5-8 times a day, it was a big deal. He also made dinners and lunches while I slept. Yeah, it doesn’t seem like much, but it was amazing for me. We also did Bradley Classes, so we flirted during classes and homework. Again, simple, but so special when I was too sick and tired for anything else.

Post # 11
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve only just learned out that I’m pregnant, so there’s not a lot of difference yet. He is very on top of everything I’m eating and doing, as I knew he would be. I’m trying hard to make sure our physical relationship doesn’t take a back seat. Also, I am realizing that DH is sensitive to me asking him to “wait on me”. He’s very kind and caring when I’m sick or need him, so I’m trying to not take advantage of being pregnant to just be lazy.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

My DH was so understanding and helpful while I was pregnant.  Now he’s still great, although our lack of sleep has really made us be more conscious of being good to each other.  Also, BFing has killed my lebido!  DH has been so good about it though.  But I would agree that the two months since MB was born have been the most difficult in our relationship.  It’s just hard to be polite all the time when you’re exhausted.

Post # 13
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Well, we’re just in the first weeks of being married & being pregnant, so not much of an expert.  We are experiencing those moments of frustration, where neither of us are sure if it’s my hormones acting up or if we’re legitimately having an argument.  But one thing we’re conciously making sure to do: communicate, communicate, communicate.  Discussing what I’m feeling & the reasons behind it help us both understand what’s really going on…discussing how he feels/reacts to my actions, helps us both understand each other better.  As for “romance”, we’re keeping things light, make sure to make each other laugh, make sure we’re each doing our part (having lived together for 10 years, we’ve got our “roles” down…now it’s just about making sure we both stick to it so the other doesn’t feel shorted) or helping pick up the slack, let each other know, through little gestures, passing physical contact, kisses on the forehead, etc. that we’re still into each other.  Sometimes that leads to more “heavy duty” stuff (haven’t reached the nausea/morning sickness part…keep your fingers crossed for me!), sometimes it leads to just cuddling…it always leads to each of knowing how much we love each other.

Post # 14
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

My coworker’s son is 10 months old and she told me that in 10 months there has been ZERO time for her marriage. There is no wife and no husband, there is just baby. She says that there is just no time for any relationship between them because the baby consumes their every second.

Post # 15
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@coconutmellie:

Wow!  Now I know my kids are grown, but I am sure that we had some time together between their birth and 10 months.  I don’t get it!

Post # 16
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I guess it also depends on the lifestyle of the parents…are either a SAHM or SAHD?  How demanding are jobs if they don’t work from home? What kind of parental leave does each have?  How did they “romance it up” before baby…by going out a lot, staying in, doing little things for each other, go away for a while?  Do you have any family nearby or the means to have someone else care for the baby while you invest time into your marriage? Maybe, if your jobs are demanding, neither of you has great parental leave options or you can’t afford to use it, you “romanced” by going out or getting away, & are far from family, it’s hard to do in that first year.  Maybe, Mr. & I need to plan ahead now for some marriage investment time after the kid is born…

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