How do you and your SO split up the holidays?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1670 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Until we got married, he went home to Ireland for Christmas and I went home to NC (we live in Manhattan). We did spend last Christmas apart even though we were engaged. We discussed that once we were married, we would always spend Christmas together. We got married in August.

We’re going to NC this Christmas, and I am assuming that next Christmas we will head to Ireland. We may not exactly alternate, as it is very expensive to fly to Ireland and I think he’d prefer to go for a few weeks in the summer and nix Christmas. Once we have kids, we know this arrangement will change again.

Post # 3
Member
3684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

paigey22:  What holidays are you talking about? Just Christmas? or Christmas and Thanksgiving? Christmas and New Years? I’m not sure if you’re in the US, but I am and what I’ve done in the past is alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving with the families. One family gets you both on Thanksgiving and the other on Christmas. The next year they switch.

Post # 4
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee

paigey22:  Well our situation isn’t as extreme, but we do have a lot to deal with.  His parents are divorced which means 2 for his family, one for mine, and each of my grand parents have one so that adds 2 more for my side because they live 3 hours away.  My grandparents have gotten used to the fact that everyone is busy so one does christmas 3 weeks before, and another does it 2 weeks after.  Thanksgiving gets crazy since we have three to go to, sometimes we don’t make it to all three but that’s okay.  The thing is, we have realized very early that we don’t have to spend holidays on the actual day, it can be any day.  Sometimes my parents will have Thanksgiving on black friday since none of us are into all of that, it really just depends.

Post # 5
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

My husband is not that close with his mother, so we usually spend holidays with my parents, or visit both of our relatives (they live quite close by American standards).

In your situation, soon you as a couple will be family, so you can as well be hosts and invite both families to your house (if space allows). Or you can spend one holiday with his parents, another with yours. You can continue to visit each of your own family as well. I guess you need to figure out where you actually WANT to go for holidays, and then plan accordingly.

Post # 7
Hostess
9908 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

paigey22:  we live farther from our families so it’s easier but we always spend it together.  He is my family now.  We’ve spent a couple Christmases with his parents (one since we moved a plane ride away).  We will see my dad as he lives closest (about 5 hours) if we can make it work but we don’t stress about it.  I haven’t spent a Christmas without DH since 2006.  The other holidays are less important, but i knwo he wasn’t thrilled when I went home for Thanksgiving alone a couple years ago.

Post # 8
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

paigey22:  My FI and I just talked about this. We agreed what is important to us and our families. My family has big Christmas traditions, his is very relaxed. So, we will spend Christmas with my family if we can. Thanksgiving is pretty relaxed at my family, so we can go to his. Easter is the only other one and we will probably alternate.

Once we have kids, we will probably ask that our parent’s come to us, or one of them come to the others house. We would just like our children to have both sets of grandparents with them on the holidays. They don’t live THAT far apart, so it’s not that big of a deal. In your situation though, I would say it’s only once or twice a year, so if and when that time comes and you ask your parents to come to you, that shouldn’t be too much to ask if they are able.

Post # 9
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My fils and parents fortunately live very close, as well as most other family, so it’s been pretty easy. Thanksgiving we do dinner at his cousin’s house and dessert with my family at my house. Christmas Eve is his family’s party, Christmas Day is at my aunt’s house. Easter his family doesn’t really do much, so my family gets us. Mother’s Day is near his bday and Father’s Day is near mine, so if they’re combined celebrations we usually go to the birthday one. Otherwise we try to split it to see both. 

Post # 10
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

We split them every year. One year we will spend thanksgiving with my family,  and Christmas with his, and the next year we switch. I was trying to see if we could get everyone together for thanksgiving, but no one wanted to come to us for it, due to one reason or another. Makes me a little sad, since we finally have a place where we could have people over. 

Post # 11
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We switch each year. We live close to them both, but one year we spend christmas day with his side, the next we spend it with my side. I think thats an even compromise. 

Post # 12
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I should note that christmas morning is always spent together at our house though. That’s our alone time since we’re a family too now. 

Post # 13
Member
585 posts
Busy bee

paigey22:  I just read the part that you are wondering what to do THIS christmas. I would say spend it apart only because yall aren’t engaged yet.. I did that last year, it was kind of bitter sweet knowing it would be my last one with just my immediate family. Of course we had our own little present swapping moment just by ourselves.

But starting next year, always together. I would recommend just inviting your parents to come to you, unless you have a huge family. Every situation is different though.

Post # 14
Member
988 posts
Busy bee

We’re in a simmilar situation with my parents being four hours north and his being three hours east. We try to alternate as much as possible. We’ve had three holdiday seasons together and here’s how they went:

  • Thanksgiving 1: separate (my family came down to visit me, he went to go to his family–we’d only been together 3 months, so it was a non-issue)
  • Christmas 1: separate again (we each went to our hometowns, no big deal. We spent New Year’s together
  • Thanksgiving 2: both went to his family
  • Christmas 2: Spent a few days before & Christmas morning with my family, then drove to his family that night (actually ended up being an issue becuase his parents wouldn’t let his little brother open gifts until we got there. We felt bad because no kid should have to wait until 9:00 at night to open Christmas presents)
  • Thanksgiving 3: My family came down to visit
  • Christmas 3: His family for the day of (mostly for the reasons described above!), then drove to visit my family the day after.

This will be our first holiday season since getting engaged and we haven’t made any real decisions yet, but it looks like my mom is going to get a job transfer to where we live soon, so that may change some things this year.

Post # 15
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We started hosting the holiday get-togethers after we were engaged. My family all lives fairly close, so if they can’t make it the day we host then we can always go visit on another day. Now that we have our first kid on the way, we will probably try even harder to keep the holidays at home. Until we got engaged though we spent the holidays apart, I was with my family for a day or two and he went to visit his family.

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