Post # 1
When it comes to choosing bridesmaids, I’m having a tough time. I have four that are definitely going to be asked. There are two others that I’m having a tough time with.
Friend #1 is getting married next month. She didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid. I was really, really hurt by this. I ended up making her invitations, but I’m still stung by it. I try to tell myself that her and her fiancee decided to go with four people each, and it’s OK that I didn’t rank above her sister, cousin and two best friends, but I’m so close with her that it’s tough for me to swallow. She lives across the country so I’ve only been minorly involved in her wedding.
Friend #2 is a coworker that got engaged in February. She asked me to be a bridesmaid. I’m excited, but don’t feel like we’re close enough for me to be a bridesmaid. Now, I feel obligated to ask her to be in my wedding as well, especially because we’re going to be getting married within a few months of each other.
Honestly, I only want four bridesmaids. FI will have 8, so I’m not worried about us matching numbers-wise. But when I think about asking Friend #2 to be a bridesmaid, I feel like it’s wrong because Friend #1 is so, so much closer.
I know this shouldn’t be a tit-for-tat thing, but I kind of feel like it is. What would you do?
Post # 3
I would go with friend #2 she seems to really value your friendship and will most likely be the one to help you out the most since you see her most often. This could be a great opportunity for you to encourage your budding friendship- she obvioulsy wants to!
Post # 4
If you only want 4, have 4. Since your FI is having 8 guys, each girl could walk down with 2. I’m an uneven bride as well, so I know from experience you shouldn’t ask someone if you don’t really want them involved.
However, if you want to involve both of your other friends, I’d go ahead and ask them.
Post # 5
Only have the people you want to have! I didn’t ask my sister to be a BM, even though I was one of hers, and I haven’t heard any grumblings through the family grapevine about it.
Everyone has different reasons for having the number of BMs they end up with. I thought about who I’d want to have around me through the process and on the day, and one sister and two friends fit the bill. My other sister can be prickly and demanding, so she’s a guest.
You might consider having your closer friend be a reader instead, so she has some role without being one of your BMs. But who you want is most important.
Post # 6
When it comes to your wedding p arty, only include people you’re genuinely close to. Don’t worry about the “Oh, well she asked ME” stuff. You could regret it later (there have been so many threads on the boards about bees having girls in their wedding party because they felt like they had to, and they’ve regretted it).
I think the only exception to this rule is in-laws. If your FI has sisters, I would ask them, even if you’re not close (unless there’s some tension there or something). It’s a wonderful gesture and could better your relationship with them.